3 Surprising Reasons Why Married People Cheat (& Why)

Science of People Team September 27, 2025 23 min read

Why do both men and women cheat? In this article, we’ll dive into the science as well as tips on how to mend a relationship.

According to infidelity statistics in America https://ifstudies.org/blog/who-cheats-more-the-demographics-of-cheating-in-america, here’s a fact that might just make you pause: Nearly 1 in 8 women have admitted to cheating. And for men? That’s 1 in 5.

Surprised?

We’re about to dive deep into the why behind these startling statistics. From the thrill of the chase to just simply being dissatisfied emotionally in a relationship, we’ll cover why married men and women alike tend to cheat.

Ready to be enlightened? Let’s delve into the world of infidelity.

What is Considered Cheating?

Cheating involves breaking a promise or violating a set of agreed-upon emotional or sexual boundaries in a committed relationship. However, the boundaries of what constitutes cheating can vary greatly from one couple to another and may evolve over time within the same relationship.

When it comes to infidelity, it can be physical or emotional:

1. Physical Infidelity is the act we often see in dramatic movie scenes, like a kiss caught in the rain or clandestine meet-ups. It’s any physical act, from a fleeting touch to more, with someone outside a committed relationship.

Physical infidelity’s impact is often immediate and unmistakable, especially if a relationship is strictly monogamous. It’s the kind of betrayal that can shatter trust in an instant, leaving damaging scars on a relationship.

2. Emotional Infidelity can be harder to spot. Long conversations that stretch into the night, the emotional support sought from someone not your partner, and the shared smiles that mean more than they should can be emotional infidelity. It’s an intimate connection, minus the physicality.

The danger is that this is a slow-burning candle that can gradually melt away the trust of a relationship. Its damage isn’t always obvious, but it can leave a void where intimacy and trust once lived.

Both Physical and Emotional Infidelity are powerful and damaging in their own ways!

Important: The Gray Areas

Now when it comes to cheating, there’s a whole virtual dimension to it. From those DMs that cross the line or that “just for fun” Tinder profile. It’s not as in-your-face as traditional cheating, but everyone has different boundaries when it comes to what line to draw when it comes to cheating.

What Are the 5 Signs of Cheating?

Infidelity often leaves a trail of subtle yet distinct signs. These are not sure signs of cheating but should be a sign to have some deep discussions with your partner.

Cooling Off: Think of Emily and Alex. They were once inseparable, but lately, Alex seems distant. He no longer wants to talk in bed. He’s glued to his phone. And, he goes to the gym for 3 hours… just when you get back home from work. If those warm, fuzzy moments become stale, it might be a sign. That shift from cozy to cold might hint that their heart’s wandering.
Hush-Hush Habits: Take John’s case with Sarah. Her phone, once an open book, is now more guarded than a secret diary. John’s even noticed she installed password-protected messaging apps on her phone. Yikes! That’s another clue in the “something’s off” column.
Routine No More: If “late at work” becomes the new norm or “business trips” pop up too often, your detective hat might need dusting off. Think of why their routine is changing, and perhaps if something fishy is going on.
Emotional Rollercoaster: One moment they’re snappy, the next they’re laying on the charm. If their mood swings are too much, it could be covering up something more.
Friends Are Silent: When friends start acting like they’re in a game of hot potato around you, it might be because they’re keeping a secret. If you can’t really trust your friends to tell you the truth, or they’re toxic, maybe they know something you don’t.

3 Reasons Why Married People Cheat

They’re Emotionally Dissatisfied

I get it—we all have those days where we want to just cuddle up in bed because we’re emotionally stressed. But some married people have a deep, persistent void that nudges them to seek understanding and connection outside their primary relationship.

For example, Imagine Michael and Max. They’re the couple who had it all—sparks, deep talks, the works. Fast forward a few years, and Michael feels like he’s living with a polite roommate, not his life partner.

Their chats? Reduced to logistics and to-do lists.

This lack of emotions led him straight into the arms of a coworker who mirrored the empathy and understanding he craved.

So why does this happen? Here’s what science says: Research from the Journal of Sex Research https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2021.1967846 puts emotional dissatisfaction at the top of why people cheat. It was a lack of relationship satisfaction (specifically sexual satisfaction) that scored the highest on the list.

And in some cases, a lack of emotional intimacy might lead to more sexual dissatisfaction, causing a downward spiral of negativity.

They Have Unmet Needs

Scientific research https://www.researchgate.net/publication/324136899_Personality_and_Romantic_Relationship_Satisfaction has long shown that each individual enters a relationship with their own set of emotional, physical, and psychological needs. When these needs are not met, it can lead to loneliness, resentment, and disconnection, even in a relationship that looks bright and dandy on the surface.

Want a great real-life example? Chris Pratt and Anna Faris. Once Hollywood’s beloved couple, their divorce shocked fans worldwide. They faced the challenge of balancing individual needs with the demands of a public lifestyle and professional commitments.

In fact, one article https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/anna-faris-reveals-reason-she-144507936.html?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAAKe5R-gUbhxuScBkLuL1PhOw1Wn95qDRJUgD1UPa_u3Mutf3secLiichsvA56LnLWBz6tka_BaD3sOrU2MM-KDFF0tIdp98oG1VdMB9voQMrnjiWVltdsPpGavabzRw5cc2X2gFJytWceRC0m77MLMdEzDGW7zv7fNvIpXp_on6c#:~:text=%E2%80%9CHe%20never%20felt%20%27good%20enough,is%20overall%20just%20much%20happier. suggests that Pratt never felt good enough for Faris, and had self-confidence issues.

Unmet needs are the silent killers in even the strongest relationships.

Finally, the last reason…

They’ve Got (Psychological) Issues

It’s a startling fact that nearly one in five adults deal with some form of psychological challenge https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/mental-illness, and these challenges can sometimes create a pathway to infidelity in relationships.

Here are a few ways people can struggle, and how it can lead to cheating:

Overwhelming Worry: If your partner is always worried and seeking reassurance (especially if they are a people pleaser), they might feel insecure in the relationship. This constant need for validation could lead them to seek attention outside the relationship, resulting in infidelity.
Feeling Down: When someone is consistently down and disengaged, they might look for excitement or a mood boost elsewhere. This can unfortunately manifest as seeking emotional or physical connections outside the relationship.
Need for Routine: Sure, seeking routine is comforting, but it can also lead to a feeling of stagnation (unless you consistently seek to break out of the comfort zone). A partner might cheat to break the monotony, seeking unexpected excitement that they feel is missing in the relationship.
Mood Swings: Unpredictable mood swings can create instability in a relationship. A partner might cheat during a low point, seeking a temporary escape.
Struggling with Bad Habits: Bad habits, especially those that are addictive, can lead to poor decision-making. This includes decisions that might lead to cheating, often as a way to cope with or escape from these challenges.
Haunted by the Past: Past traumas can affect present relationships in profound ways. Sometimes, individuals cheat as a misguided attempt to deal with unresolved issues from their past.

For a deep dive on relationship attachment styles and how they affect people (and also take a quiz), check out our detailed article here: Take the Quiz to Discover Your Attachment Style.

Is There a “Cheating” Personality? The Science of Who Cheats

So we’ve got the stats (1 in 5 men, 1 in 8 women), but that just tells us what happened, not who it’s happening to. It’s so tempting to think of cheaters as a specific type of “bad person.”

But as with most things in psychology, it’s rarely that simple.

While anyone is capable of cheating given the “right” (or wrong!) combination of opportunity and unmet needs, research does show that certain personality traits make a person more of a risk.

It’s less about being “evil” and more about a combination of personality and circumstance. When researchers look at the “Big Five” personality model (the most scientifically-validated model we have), two traits consistently pop up.

A study on infidelity found the biggest predictors were:

Low Conscientiousness: Think of this as your “follow-the-rules” or “get-it-done” trait. People who are low in conscientiousness tend to be more impulsive, disorganized, and less-disciplined. This impulsivity is a huge factor. They might not plan to cheat, but they are far less likely to resist an opportunity when it presents itself.
Low Agreeableness: This is the “plays-well-with-others” trait. People who are low in agreeableness can be more cynical, less empathetic, and more antagonistic. They may be more willing to put their own desires first, even if they know it will deeply hurt someone else.

Another major player? Narcissism.

This isn’t just about vanity. A person with narcissistic tendencies has a deep, persistent need for validation and admiration. If they aren’t getting that constant stream of praise from their partner, they are highly motivated to seek it elsewhere to fuel their ego. Have you ever known someone who just always seems to need to be the center of attention? That’s the validation-seeking in action.

Here’s the key, though: These traits are not a life sentence. They don’t guarantee someone will cheat. They are just risk factors.

Plenty of impulsive (low conscientiousness) people are perfectly faithful, and plenty of “nice” (high agreeableness) people cheat. It’s the combination of these traits with the very reasons we’re about to cover—emotional dissatisfaction and unmet needs—that creates the perfect storm for infidelity.

7 Tips to Mend a Relationship With a Cheating Partner

If you suspect (or know) your partner is cheating, it’s ultimately up to you and your partner whether or not to continue the relationship. However, if you’d like some tips on how to brighten up a relationship, check these out:

Acknowledge Your Feelings (yes, even those feelings)

So, your partner cheated. Or, at least you suspect they did.

Now, you’re riding the rollercoaster of emotions, from anger that could roast marshmallows to a sadness deep enough to rival the world’s tiniest violin.

First things first: Feel those feelings. Yes, every single messy one of them.

It’s OK not to be OK.

You’re not in a rom-com where everything gets resolved in a neat 90-minute timeframe. This is real life, and in real life, emotions are complex. Anger, sadness, betrayal, confusion… it’s all valid!

Some folks might tell you to “just get over it” or “move on.” But that’s really leaning towards toxic positivity. And here’s the thing: there’s no such thing as the “right” way to feel. If you want to scream into a pillow, go for it. Need to cry while watching sappy movies? Pass the tissues. Feel like laughing because the whole situation is just so absurd? Laugh until your sides hurt.

Letting your emotions process is like letting them have their moment on stage before they exit, stage left. Suppressing your feelings is like trying to hold a beach ball underwater… they will pop up when you least expect it.

Acknowledging your feelings is the first step towards healing.

Healing isn’t pretty. It’s not a straight line. It’s a scribble, a zigzag, a loop-de-loop. There will be days when you feel like you’ve taken one step forward and two steps back. That’s okay. That’s normal. You’re not doing it wrong; you’re just doing it human.

Once you’ve acknowledged your emotions, it’s time to take the next steps in the healing process by aligning yourself with your true values: 100+ Deep Shadow Work Prompts To Accept Yourself And Move Forward.

Exchange No-Judgment Journals

Here’s another great tip: A journal that’s a safe zone, a no-judgment arena. You and your significant other, pouring your hearts out on paper, not screens or spoken words. It’s intimate, it’s raw, and it’s real. This is what a No-Judgment Journal Exchange is all about.

In this exchange, you both get to express your innermost thoughts and feelings. Why does this work? Because journaling is a mental-health superpill: it has even been found to be as effective as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for depression https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17007812/.

How It Works: You each get a journal. It becomes your private area. The rule is simple: write honestly and read with empathy.

5 Journal Prompts to Kickstart Your Exchange:

The Unsaid Things: Write about something you’ve wanted to say but haven’t. It could be a fear, a dream, a frustration. Something that’s been simmering under the surface like a tea kettle ready to whistle.
The Appreciation Page: Dedicate a page to things you appreciate about your partner. This isn’t just about grand gestures; it’s about the little things, like how they make coffee just the way you like it or their goofy morning hair.
The Forgiveness Letter: Write a letter of forgiveness, either forgiving your partner for something or seeking forgiveness for something you’ve done. It’s like opening a window to let out stale air.
The Future Blueprint: Pen down your vision of the future together. Where do you see yourselves in five years? What dreams do you want to chase together? It’s like sketching a map of your shared journey.
The “If Only You Knew” Confession: Share something your partner might not know about you. It could be a childhood memory, a hidden talent, or a fear you’ve never voiced. It’s about revealing the layers of your story.

Once you both have poured your thoughts onto the pages, swap the journals. Read them with an open heart and an open mind.

When it comes to interpreting your partner, it’s not all about what they say (or write), either. Use this free goodie to level up your skills:

Go on a Truth Adventure

In this small study https://thekeep.eiu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1018&context=honors_theses of only 65 participants, 100% of them said trust was an important factor for a relationship. What about a whole day where nothing but the raw, unvarnished truth is allowed. Scary? Maybe a little. Necessary? Absolutely.

Especially when trust in your relationship has taken a hit, you’ll need to rebuild it up.

Let’s go on a “Truth Adventure.” The setting? That’s up to you. It could be a trail winding through whispering woods, a meandering drive down scenic routes, or even a quiet corner of your favorite café. The key is neutrality. No home-field advantages here.

The concept is simple yet profound. From sunrise to sunset, you and your partner agree to only speak truths. No matter how small (“I hate how you leave socks everywhere”) or how big (“I feel neglected when you work late nights.”).

Remember, it’s not about winning points. It’s about understanding and empathy. When your partner reveals a truth, it’s a chance for empathy. Listen. Reflect. Respond.

Once the adventure concludes, you might feel like you’ve run an emotional marathon. That’s okay. The important part is what comes next—using those truths as the foundation stones to rebuild trust.

Keep it Private, Not Public

When suspicions are buzzing in your head of them cheating, it’s tempting to swat at them in public. But public confrontations? They’re messy, embarrassing, and more dramatic than a season finale of your favorite drama series.

Plus, you don’t want to be that person who gets whispered about in the office break room, right?

Here’s a better idea:

When suspicions or conflicts arise, choose to address them in a private, controlled setting. Find a calm moment (think Sunday pancake breakfast) to engage in a one-on-one conversation with your partner, where both of you can express your thoughts and feelings without external pressures.
Emphasize your desire to resolve the issue (“What can I do to help?”) rather than assigning blame (“It’s all your fault!”). Frame the conversation as an opportunity to understand each other better and find solutions together.
Show respect for your partner’s dignity and the privacy of your relationship. This approach fosters an environment of trust and mutual understanding.

Create a Relationship Time Capsule

Ever thought of bottling up time? That’s basically what a Relationship Time Capsule is. It’s a snapshot of your love in a box, to be opened in the future. These are GREAT for sharing with your partner, especially when you’re going through a rough patch and need a little bit of remembrance of the good times.

Here’s what to include:

First Text Messages Printouts: The awkward hellos and smiley faces (or emojis) that started it all.
A Map Marked with Special Places: That coffee shop where you first met, or the beach where you watched the sunrise.
Concert or Movie Tickets: Reminders of the beats and scenes you shared.
A Recipe of Your Favorite Meal Together: Whether it’s burnt toast or gourmet pasta, nothing is off limits.
Love Letters to Your Future Selves: Write what you love about each other, and what you hope for your future together.
A Playlist of Your Songs: Burn a CD or create a playlist of songs that define your relationship.
A Jar of Inside Jokes: Scribbled on scraps of paper, these are the laughs that only you two get.
Future Vacation Brochures: Places you dream of exploring together.
A Trinket That Holds Special Meaning: Maybe a seashell from a beach trip or a ticket stub from your first movie date.
A List of Goals You Want to Achieve Together: Be it learning salsa dancing or buying a home.
Photos of You Together: From silly selfies to formal portraits.
A Sample of Your Partner’s Favorite Perfume/Cologne: Scents that trigger memories.
A Pet’s Toy or Photo (If You Have One): Because they’re part of your journey too.
A “Where We See Ourselves” Note: Each of you writes where you imagine you’ll be when you open this capsule.
A Promise Note: Write down a promise you each want to keep for the other.

Once you’ve gathered your Relationship Time Capsule, here’s what to do next:

Choose a Date to Open It: Maybe it’s your 10th anniversary or another significant milestone. Or perhaps you’re in need of a relationship pick-me-up.
Seal It Together: Make it a ceremonial event, like you’re sealing the past or looking forward to the future.
Hide It Somewhere Safe: But not so safe you forget where it is!

Create Silent Moments

Have you ever sat in silence with your partner?

In this silence, there’s a conversation happening, but it’s nonverbal. It’s in the way you both breathe, the subtle shifts in posture, the occasional meeting of eyes.

You start by setting a timer, maybe it’s just 10 minutes to begin with. You sit facing each other, maybe holding hands, maybe not. The key is to be comfortable and open.

In these moments, pay attention to the little things. Notice how your partner’s eyes light up when they smile, even without a sound. Observe the way their shoulders drop, releasing the weight of the day. Feel the rhythm of their breathing and let it sync with yours.

These sessions are a reminder that communication isn’t just about words. It’s about presence, attention, and feeling.

Sometimes, the most powerful messages are those that are felt, not said.

As you practice this more, you might find that this silence speaks louder than any conversation you’ve ever had. It’s in these quiet moments that you might feel closer than ever, understanding each other in a way words could never fully capture.

And if you’d like to know how good you are at reading nonverbals (and to become great at analyzing it), check out our Body Language Quiz.

Consider Professional Resources

Sure, you might have the smarts, the experience, and a PhD in the School of Hard Knocks when it comes to relationships. But sometimes, even the most seasoned love navigators need a bit of outside perspective.

If conflicts persist, consider seeking the guidance of a professional therapist or counselor. They can provide an objective perspective and facilitate constructive conversations. And if you’re not keen on seeking a professional therapist or counselor just yet, here are some more resources which might be helpful:

How to “Affair-Proof” Your Relationship (The Proactive Guide)

Okay, we’ve been through some heavy stuff. We’ve seen the signs, and we’ve explored the deep-seated “whys.” It’s enough to make anyone a little nervous about their own relationship.

But here’s the good news: Relationships aren’t like a car that just breaks down on its own. They’re more like a garden. They respond to care and attention.

Instead of just worrying, you can be proactive. “Affair-proofing” isn’t about building a fortress or spying on your partner. It’s about building a connection that’s so strong, there’s no room—or desire—for a third person.

Here’s how to start.

Master the “Bid for Connection”

This is, in my opinion, the single most important concept from Dr. John Gottman, one of the world’s leading relationship researchers.

A “bid” is any attempt from your partner to get your attention, affection, or support. It can be as small as a sigh, a “Hey, look at that weird bird,” or a direct “I had a really bad day.”

Gottman’s research found here shows that couples who stay together “turn toward” these bids 86% of the time. Couples who later divorce only do so 33% of the time.

Cheating often begins when someone’s bids are consistently ignored at home, and they find someone else (like that “friendly” coworker) who will “turn toward” them.

The fix? Pay attention to the small moments. Put your phone down when your partner is talking. When they sigh, ask “What’s on your mind?” When they point out the weird bird, look at the bird. It’s that simple.

Build (and Update) Your Love Maps

Another Gottman gem! A “Love Map” is the part of your brain where you store all the relevant information about your partner’s inner world.

What’s their boss’s name? What are they stressed about this week? What’s their new favorite show? Who are their friends?

People feel seen and loved when their partner knows them. Infidelity often happens when a partner feels like a stranger in their own home.

The fix? Ask better questions.

Instead of: “How was your day?” (which gets a “fine”).
Try: “What was the weirdest part of your day?” or “What’s stressing you out about that big project at work?”

Talk About the “Gray Areas” Before They Happen

Remember that whole section on “What is Cheating?” The worst time to define your boundaries is when one of you is already in the gray area.

The best time is on a random Tuesday when you’re both relaxed and connected.

Have the “What’s our policy?” talk.

Is having a “work spouse” okay?
Is having a flirty DM conversation with an old friend okay?
Is going to lunch one-on-one with an ex okay?

There are no right answers, only your answers. Getting this on the table removes all ambiguity. It’s not about being a prison warden; it’s about setting clear, respectful team boundaries.

Cheating Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Do Men Cheat More Than Women?

In general, research has shown that men cheat more than women, with men claiming to have cheated 20% of the time and women 13%. However, it is important to note that this research is not very recent and may be inconclusive to larger populations. Factors like opportunity, societal norms, and personal values play significant roles as well.

Do All Men Cheat?

Not all men cheat. Cheating is a choice made by individuals, not predetermined by gender. Research shows there are various reasons for infidelity, which apply across genders.

What Percentage of Men and Women Cheat?

Estimates vary, but a general figure is that about 20% of men and 13% of women admit to cheating in their relationships. However, this number can fluctuate based on the study and the demographic.

Are There Common Signs of Cheating?

Yes, there can be signs, but they’re not always foolproof. Common indicators might include a sudden change in routine, unexplained absences, being overly protective of their phone, or a noticeable shift in intimacy levels. However, these signs can also be attributed to other factors, so they’re not definitive proof of infidelity.

Is Cheating Always Physical?

No, cheating isn’t always physical. Emotional cheating, where a person forms a deep emotional attachment with someone outside of their relationship, is also a form of infidelity. This can sometimes be even more damaging than physical cheating, as it involves a significant emotional betrayal.

Can Relationships Recover from Cheating?

Absolutely, though it’s not easy. Recovery requires strong commitment from both partners. This includes open communication, rebuilding trust, seeking professional help if needed, and a willingness to understand and forgive. It’s a journey of healing that takes time and patience.

Why Do People Cheat?

The reasons for cheating are as varied as the people who do it. Common reasons can include a lack of emotional or physical satisfaction in the current relationship, the thrill of the chase, opportunity, or even unresolved personal issues. It’s rarely about just one factor and usually involves a complex mix of reasons.

Is Cheating a Sign of a Doomed Relationship?

Not necessarily. While cheating is a significant breach of trust, it doesn’t automatically mean the relationship is over. Many couples can, and do, find a way to work through the betrayal, often emerging stronger. It requires a lot of work and mutual effort to rebuild trust and redefine the relationship.

Is It Time to Move On?

If you’re in a relationship that is rocky, I have so much empathy for you. Relationships might not always go the way we want them to—but, ultimately, the decision to either stay in a relationship or move on is yours to make. If you’ve made the hard decision to break up with someone, we’ve got a guide for you: How to Break Up With Someone You Love: 28 Tips with Scripts