Platonic Relationship: Meaning, Benefits & How to Thrive

Healthy platonic relationships can be a great source of mental, emotional, and physical comfort. Find out how to develop and maintain lasting relationships.

Imagine you’re sweating through a high-stakes presentation, heart pounding. Then, you spend just 5 minutes chatting with a close friend—and your stress hormones drop back to baseline. That’s the magic of platonic relationships in action.

Comedian [Jerry Seinfeld](

&t=1s) has a stand-up routine where he pokes fun at a study that says people are more afraid of public speaking than death.

Maybe that’s why in 2022, a study (source) asked pairs of friends to perform public speaking and mental arithmetic in front of a panel as part of research on stress. The results showed that heart rate and stress hormones were reduced to pre-stress baselines when participants spent just 5 minutes with their friend afterward. Those who spoke with an experimenter rather than a friend had less effective recovery.

So, if you’re going to handle life (which will throw you one stressful situation after another), it’s best to bring along a friend, right?

But here’s the challenge: 12% of Americans report having no close friends (source) from just 3% in 1990. Meanwhile, Americans now spend only 4 hours per week with friends (source), down from 6.5 hours in 2014. We’re in the middle of a “friendship recession.”

Let’s talk about platonic relationships—friendships that can impact your mental health and wellbeing in profound and long-term ways. You’ll discover what makes a relationship truly platonic, how to build deeper bonds, and why these connections might be the health hack you’ve been missing.

Platonic Relationships Explained: Love Without the Romance

What is a platonic relationship? A platonic relationship is any close friendship that doesn’t include sexual intimacy or romantic desire. These are deep connections regardless of age, gender, or sexual orientation—built on emotional closeness, trust, and mutual support rather than physical attraction.

The term refers to the ancient philosopher Plato, who wrote about different types of love before the concept was widely accepted. Originally used to mock non-romantic love, “platonic” has been embraced over the years to describe some of our most meaningful connections.

As friendship expert Dr. Marisa G. Franco

, author of Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends, explains: “Platonic love is enough. So even if you’re single or divorced or widowed, your life isn’t lesser and your connections aren’t either.”

Dr. Franco adds: “Maybe we need to reconfigure our ideas about love, so that no form of love is inferior or superior.”

This matters because Western culture tends to prioritize romantic relationships above all else. But platonic love—the deep understanding and commitment between friends—can be just as fulfilling and life-changing.

What Platonic Relationships Are NOT

Before we go further, let’s clarify what doesn’t count as platonic:

• Unrequited Love: If you’re holding out hope for romance, it’s not platonic—even if the other person sees it that way
• Friends with Benefits: Any sexual intimacy moves the relationship out of platonic territory and into romantic or complicated zones
• Romantic Crushes: Sexual desire or romantic attraction disqualifies a relationship from being purely platonic

Add sexual intimacy, and the relationship shifts from platonic to romantic—or becomes complicated.

That said, platonic relationships indicate something deeper than casual acquaintances or surface-level friendships. They involve a genuine degree of intimacy and closeness.

The 5 Types of Intimacy That Strengthen Your Friendships

While we often think of “intimacy” in romantic terms, the definition is far broader. Intimacy simply means familiarity, friendship, or closeness. Deep platonic friendships are built on five distinct types of intimacy—none of them sexual:

1. Emotional Intimacy

The ability to feel understood and supported when sharing thoughts and feelings. This is the friend who knows your fears, celebrates your wins, and doesn’t judge your messy emotions.

2. Physical Intimacy

Non-sexual touch like hugging, high-fives, or comforting pats on the back. Physical contact within appropriate boundaries strengthens bonds and releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone.

3. Intellectual Intimacy

Sharing philosophical ideas, debating topics you’re passionate about, and having deep conversations that challenge your thinking. This friend makes you smarter.

4. Spiritual Intimacy

Common values relating to religion, beliefs, or life purpose. You don’t have to share the same faith, but you respect each other’s spiritual journey.

5. Experiential Intimacy

Shared activities like sports, hobbies, travel, or creative projects. The friend you bake with, hike with, or build things alongside.

These types of intimacy help you connect and strengthen relationships. A healthy romantic relationship also includes these same intimacies—sexual intimacy is just one additional layer.

Action Step: Map Your Intimacy Types

List your top three to five closest non-romantic relationships—friends, family members, or colleagues. Next to each name, note which types of intimacy you share. Do you have a hiking buddy (experiential)? Someone for deep conversations (intellectual)? A friend who helps you through tough work days (emotional)?

Understanding these patterns helps you appreciate what each friendship offers—and identify gaps you might want to fill.

Science-Backed Benefits: Why Friends Are Your Health Secret Weapon

Are platonic relationships healthy? Absolutely. There’s substantial scientific evidence that a robust support system—including healthy platonic relationships—delivers powerful health benefits:

• Lowering stress and anxiety
• Boosting resilience in challenging situations
• Improving mood and emotional regulation
• Encouraging healthy behaviors
• Discouraging unhealthy habits
• Improving cardiovascular health
• Speeding up injury recovery
• Increasing sense of purpose and belonging

[Dr. Robert Waldinger](

), Director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, summarizes 75 years of research: “The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.”

He continues: “Good relationships keep us happier, healthier, and help us live longer.”

Why Close Friends Matter to Your Body

Studies show strong relationships positively affect both physical and emotional health (source). Here’s what science tells us:

One study found lower chronic inflammation in people who reported offering support to friends and family. Chronic inflammation is linked to heart disease, diabetes, and other serious conditions—so supporting your friends literally benefits your health.

Most Americans (82%) report they receive the social and emotional support they need (source) from platonic and family relationships. However, these support networks are shrinking: only 13% of Americans now have 10 or more close friends (source), down from 33% in 1990.

The loneliness epidemic is real. About 61% of adults feel lonely sometimes or always (source), with 73% of young workers (18-22) reporting the same. The COVID-19 pandemic made it worse: 47% of Americans lost touch with at least a few friends (source) during lockdowns.

Why Platonic Relationships Are Important

Strong platonic bonds create a safety net that catches you when life gets hard. They provide emotional backup when your romantic relationship faces challenges. They offer diverse perspectives you won’t find in any single person.

Developing a solid support system—beyond just a romantic partner—affects both your body and mind positively. This isn’t just feel-good advice; it’s backed by decades of research showing that friendship is a genuine health intervention.

Your Guide to Finding and Nurturing Lifelong Platonic Connections

How do platonic relationships work? They start with proximity and shared interests, then deepen through consistent, quality time together. Find people who enjoy the same activities. Shared experiences create healthy connections.

Where do you meet potential platonic friends? Consider these options:

Places to Find Platonic Friendships

Hobbies and Interest Groups: Engage with others who share your passions—horseback riding, chocolate-making, photography, book clubs. Check local community centers or colleges for classes.

Mentorships: Whether you’re mentoring someone or being mentored, the shared passion for your field builds strong bonds that benefit both parties.

Professional Networks: Connect with peers who face similar challenges. Search for local or national organizations in your profession.

Religious Groups: Shared beliefs and values provide context for celebration and support. Look for a spiritual community that resonates with you.

Community Engagement Groups: Passionate about civil service or neighborhood safety? Check your local government website and social media for projects you can join.

Workplace Interest Groups: Does your company have a Slack channel for pet owners or a lunch group for theater lovers? Ask around.

Volunteer Groups: Offering service attracts others with similar interests. Check sites like JustServe or reach out to local nonprofits.

The Science of Showing Up

The proximity effect (source) in psychology means we tend to like people more when we spend more time with them. Keep showing up where people share your interests. Over time, friendships grow.

Being proactive can feel uncomfortable. But remember: those other wonderful humans may be just as nervous about talking to you!

If you struggle to start conversations in the right places, watch our video on The 5 Laws of Influence to learn how to engage authentically.

Essential Tips to Keep Platonic Friendships Flourishing

How to maintain platonic relationships? Like a garden, friendships require care and attention to grow. Healthy relationships of all types are built on respect, trust, and mutual support.

8 Ways to Strengthen Your Friendships

1. Communicate openly and honestly. Practice active listening when your friend talks.
2. Show appreciation for who they are and how they improve your life. Specific compliments matter.
3. Check in regularly so they know you’re thinking of them. Ask about important moments in their day. Share updates from your life.
4. Spend quality time together doing activities you both enjoy—road trips, movie nights, walks, or cooking together. In-person time takes advantage of the proximity effect.
5. Be supportive when your friend needs you. Use your knowledge of them to encourage and counsel as requested (not unsolicited!).
6. Practice understanding when disagreements arise. Consider the situation from their perspective before reacting.
7. Resolve conflicts constructively by offering solutions that prioritize the relationship over being right.
8. Establish healthy boundaries—respect each other’s time, personal space, and priorities to avoid codependency or over-investment.

For more relationship-building strategies, check out 30 Days to Better Relationships.

In-Person vs. Digital: Which Builds Stronger Platonic Bonds?

It’s tempting to think today’s technology makes staying connected easier than ever. The quantity of connections has increased, but quality has suffered.

Social media is NOT a replacement for spending time together in person! Research shows that while face-to-face interaction predicts improved quality of life, internet communication doesn’t deliver the same benefits.

Young adults feel this most acutely. For ages 15-24, in-person time with friends fell nearly 70%https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf—from 150 minutes per day in 2003 to just 40 minutes per day in 2020. That’s a dramatic shift that contributes to rising loneliness.

Make the Switch to In-Person Connection

If you usually interact with friends through technology, suggest an in-person activity. Try: “It’s been a while since we saw each other in person. Would you like to hike this weekend and catch up?”

Choose activities that don’t rely on screens. Instead of movies, attend live theater. Rather than video games, play mini golf or board games. Cook a meal together. Take a class. The activity matters less than face-to-face interaction.

Use technology as a supplement—not a substitute—for personal interaction.

How to Tell If Your Relationship Is Platonic

Sometimes the line between platonic and romantic gets blurry. Here are clear signs your relationship is platonic:

✓ No sexual desire or romantic attraction on either side ✓ Comfortable discussing other romantic interests without jealousy ✓ Physical boundaries feel natural (hugs yes, lingering touches no) ✓ You’d both describe it as friendship if asked ✓ No “what if” thoughts about dating each other ✓ Equally invested in each other’s happiness without possessiveness

If you find yourself hoping the relationship becomes romantic, feeling jealous of their dates, or wondering “what if,” it’s likely not purely platonic—at least not for you.

Platonic Boundaries: When Does Friendship Cross the Line?

When does a platonic relationship cross the line? This is one of the most common questions about platonic friendships—and it matters for maintaining healthy relationships with both friends and romantic partners.

Understanding Personal Space and Physical Contact

Platonic relationships include appropriate physical contact—hugs, high-fives, comforting pats—but stop short of romantic or sexual touch. Every friendship has different comfort levels, so communication is key.

Signs you might be crossing platonic boundaries:

• Excessive physical touching that feels romantic
• Emotional intimacy that replaces what you should have with a partner
• Secrecy about the friendship from your romantic partner
• Sexual desire or romantic fantasies about your friend
• Jealousy when they date or spend time with others
• Prioritizing the friendship over committed relationships consistently

Healthy Platonic Boundaries Include:

• Respecting personal space and physical comfort zones
• Being transparent with romantic partners about your friendships
• Avoiding situations that could be misinterpreted (like sharing beds)
• Checking in if physical touch feels uncomfortable to either person
• Understanding that boundaries may shift if one person develops romantic feelings

The key to healthy platonic love is clear communication about boundaries and expectations. When everyone understands what the relationship is (and isn’t), platonic friendships thrive.

Scripts to Ease Jealousy: Balancing Platonic Friends and Romance

How do married people maintain platonic relationships? More than one Hollywood movie has explored how platonic friendships can create tension in romantic relationships. The solution? Open, honest communication.

When Your Partner Feels Jealous

Suppose you’re in a healthy romantic relationship and your partner expresses jealousy about one of your platonic friends. Deep down, they’re communicating a fear they might lose you. How can you alleviate that fear?

Script 1 - Reassure and explain: “I hope you know I love you, and I won’t do anything to betray your trust. There’s nothing romantic between my friend and me, but I do appreciate his insights when I have a problem at work that I’m trying to figure out.”

Script 2 - Acknowledge their feelings: “It sounds like you’re upset that I’m spending more time with my friend than with you. That wasn’t my intention. Can we plan to spend some time together this weekend?”

Script 3 - Bring everyone together: “I made a mistake by not including you in getting to know my friend. What do you think about the three of us going out to dinner next week? I promise I won’t object if you want to ask her for embarrassing stories about me from college.”

This conversation requires active listening, honesty, and possibly a sincere apology if you’ve hurt feelings. For more on this, check out 7 Elements of a Sincere Apology.

The Ideal Scenario

Ideally, both you and your romantic partner develop deep platonic friendships outside your relationship. Those bonds give both your friend and your partner reasons to support you. When they know and trust each other, they can work together on your behalf.

Journalist [Rhaina Cohen](

) notes: “Deep friendships can be just as meaningful as romantic relationships and family ties, and people are unsettling norms by choosing a friend as a life partner.”

Your romantic partner shouldn’t be your only source of emotional support—that’s too much pressure for one person. A diverse network of close friends creates a healthier, more resilient life.

Different Types of Platonic Relationships

Platonic relationships come in many forms beyond the typical “best friend” model:

Casual Friends: Enjoyable company for specific activities but not deeply personal. Your gym buddy or coffee shop acquaintance.

Close Friends: People you confide in, rely on, and prioritize. These friendships involve multiple types of intimacy.

Lifelong Friends: Decades-long bonds that survive distance and life changes. The friend who knew you in childhood.

Work Friends: Colleagues who understand your professional challenges and celebrate career wins.

Chosen Family: Friends so close they function as family, especially important for those without supportive biological relatives.

Mentors and Mentees: Platonic relationships built on guidance, learning, and mutual respect across experience levels.

Activity Partners: Friends connected primarily through shared hobbies—your hiking partner, book club member, or bandmate.

Each type serves different needs. A well-rounded friendship network includes variety.

When Platonic Relationships Get Complicated

Can platonic friends fall in love? Yes—and it’s more common than you might think. One study showed two-thirds of romantic relationships began as friendships that developed over time.

How Platonic Relationships Evolve Over Time

An old college roommate can encourage your dream career, offer perspective on potential partners, and celebrate your successes. But platonic relationships change:

• The roommate who analyzed every date with you may be less involved after you both marry and move to different coasts
• A long-time friendship might dissolve when you no longer share the interests that built your bond
• A casual friend in one city might become your closest confidant after you both relocate
• A friend you’ve known platonically for years could become a romantic partner

When Platonic Love Becomes Romantic

If you develop romantic feelings for a platonic friend:

1. Assess honestly: Are these feelings mutual, or one-sided?
2. Consider the risks: Could this cost you the friendship if romance doesn’t work?
3. Communicate directly: If you decide to pursue it, be honest rather than hinting
4. Respect their answer: If they want to stay platonic, you need to genuinely accept that or create distance

A relationship that was perfect for one season can naturally evolve or end. Cherish those memories while allowing for change.

If you want to level up your relationships, check out our guide:

[Captivate]

How Platonic Relationships Evolve Over Time

Life changes, and so do our friendships. That’s not just normal—it’s healthy.

Some platonic relationships last for decades with minimal effort. Others require active maintenance as life circumstances shift. Some friendships naturally dissolve when you realize you’ve grown in different directions.

What was once a close bond might become a fond memory. A casual acquaintance might deepen into one of your most trusted friendships. The person you never imagined dating might become your romantic partner.

The key is accepting that change doesn’t diminish what a relationship once meant. You can honor the past while embracing new relationship patterns that fit your current life.

Your Next Steps: Building Platonic Bonds That Last

Healthy platonic relationships are a powerful source of mental, emotional, and physical comfort. When developed, maintained, and nurtured, they can last for years—even a lifetime.

Here’s what you’ve learned:

✓ Platonic relationships are deep friendships without sexual intimacy or romantic desire ✓ Five types of intimacy—emotional, physical, intellectual, spiritual, and experiential—strengthen platonic bonds ✓ Science proves strong friendships lower stress, improve health, and increase resilience ✓ Finding friends requires proximity, shared interests, and showing up consistently ✓ Maintaining friendships means open communication, quality time, and healthy boundaries ✓ In-person connection beats digital interaction for relationship quality ✓ Platonic boundaries keep friendships healthy and prevent complications ✓ Change is normal—relationships evolve, and that’s okay

Take Action Today

The best way to develop friendships is spending time together. Use technology as a supplement—not a replacement—for personal interaction.

If you’re building platonic relationships while in a romantic relationship, set boundaries that work for everyone. Your partner and your friends can support each other—and you—when they know and trust each other.

As you navigate life’s ups and downs, remember: those deep bonds through platonic love give people reasons to help and support you. They’re not “just” friendships—they’re your health secret weapon, your stress-relief system, and your path to a richer, more connected life.

Ready to strengthen your people skills? Check out 7 Science-Backed Reasons Why Friends are Important or explore our comprehensive guide on active listening.