425 Must-Try 'Get to Know You' Questions – The Ultimate List

The happiest people don’t just talk more—they talk better.

Research from the University of Arizona analyzed over 20,000 recordings of daily conversations and found something striking: the happiest participants spent 70% more time talking than the unhappiest participants, and they engaged in twice as many substantive, deep conversations. Small talk? The unhappiest people had three times more of it.

The difference between a forgettable interaction and a meaningful connection often comes down to one thing: the questions you ask.

This guide gives you 425 research-backed questions for every situation—from breaking the ice at a networking event to deepening intimacy on a third date. More importantly, you’ll learn why certain questions work and what your conversation partner’s answers reveal about their personality.

What Makes a Great ‘Get to Know You’ Question?

Not all questions are created equal. A Harvard study led by researcher Karen Huang found that people who ask more questions—specifically follow-up questions—are perceived as more likable and are significantly more likely to get a second date.

The study identified four types of questions:

1. Introductory questions (“How’s it going?”)
2. Mirror questions (“I’m a teacher. How about you?”)
3. Full-switch questions (“So, any travel plans?”)
4. Follow-up questions (“What was the most challenging part of that project?”)

Follow-up questions outperformed all others because they signal responsiveness—a combination of listening, understanding, and genuine care.

The Follow-Up Formula: After someone answers your initial question, resist the urge to switch topics or talk about yourself. Instead, ask one more question that digs deeper into what they just shared. This single habit can transform your conversations.

Here’s what separates a good get-to-know-you question from a forgettable one:

• It’s about them (not a sideways attempt to talk about yourself)
• It’s open-ended (requires more than yes or no)
• It considers context (what you already know about them)
• It invites positive sharing (their likes, ideas, and opinions—not gossip)
• It matches the relationship stage (save deeply personal questions for later)

Special Note: Timing matters. A question about childhood trauma might be perfect for a therapy session but awkward at a networking happy hour. The questions below are organized by context to help you choose wisely.

The Science of Deep Questions: Arthur Aron’s 36 Questions

Does the 36 questions experiment really work?

Yes. In 1997, psychologist Arthur Aron and colleagues published a landmark study on the “experimental generation of interpersonal closeness.” They paired strangers and gave them 45 minutes to answer 36 questions that gradually escalated in intimacy.

The result? Pairs reported significantly higher feelings of closeness than control groups who answered superficial questions. One pair from the original study even married six months later.

The mechanism is reciprocal self-disclosure—when two people take turns sharing increasingly personal information, they build trust and intimacy at an accelerated pace.

Here are all 36 questions, organized by intensity level:

Set I: The Warm-Up (Questions 1-12)

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II: Getting Deeper (Questions 13-24)

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set III: Maximum Vulnerability (Questions 25-36)

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling…”
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for them to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how they might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Action Step: Try these questions with a friend, partner, or even a new acquaintance. Research shows the procedure works even when people have conflicting attitudes or political views.

What Their Answers Reveal: The Psychology of Preferences

Asking about “favorites” seems basic, but research suggests these preferences are often windows into deeper personality traits.

The Spicy vs. Sweet Test

A Penn State study found that people who love spicy food score high in sensation seeking—the desire for novel and intense experiences. As the capsaicin concentration increased in the study, “low sensation seekers” rapidly disliked the food, while “high sensation seekers” maintained or even increased their enjoyment.

Conversely, research from Gettysburg College suggests that people with a “sweet tooth” tend to score higher on agreeableness and are more likely to engage in prosocial (helping) behaviors.

Questions that reveal taste-personality connections:

37. On a scale of 1 to 10, how much heat can you handle in your food?
38. Do you actively seek out the spiciest item on the menu?
39. Do you have a “sweet tooth”?
40. If you had to choose between a bag of chips or a chocolate bar, which do you grab?
41. What is the most adventurous thing you have ever eaten?
42. Do you prefer comfort foods or exotic cuisines?
43. When you eat out, do you order the same thing or try something new every time?
44. Do you like dark chocolate (bitter) or milk chocolate (sweet)?
45. What is your ultimate comfort meal?
46. Do you enjoy the physical sensation of “the burn” when eating chili peppers?

The Mountains vs. Ocean Test

A series of studies by researchers Oishi, Talhelm, and Lee found a surprising link between personality and geography: introverts prefer mountains, while extroverts prefer the ocean.

The reason? Flat, open spaces like beaches are perceived as more stimulating and social. Rugged, wooded terrains offer seclusion and lower external stimulation—exactly what introverts need to recharge.

Questions that reveal introversion/extraversion:

47. If you won a free vacation, would you choose a cabin in the mountains or a resort on the beach?
48. Do you feel more recharged by solitude in the woods or the energy of a boardwalk?
49. Do you prefer wide-open spaces or cozy, enclosed spaces?
50. When you travel, do you look for social activities or quiet reflection?
51. Would you rather hike a steep trail or swim in the surf?
52. Do you find the sound of the ocean energizing or sleep-inducing?
53. Are you a “forest bather” (Shinrin-yoku)?
54. Do you prefer a view of the horizon or a view of a valley?
55. Would you rather live in a bustling coastal city or a quiet mountain town?
56. Does the vastness of the ocean make you feel small or free?

The Superpower Test

The choice between flight and invisibility has been analyzed in leadership contexts. A Forbes survey of 7,000 leaders found 72% chose flight—often associated with confidence, visibility, and “heroic” leadership. Invisibility is sometimes linked to a desire for observation or operating outside the spotlight.

Questions that reveal leadership style and values:

57. If you could choose one superpower: Flight or Invisibility?
58. If you chose invisibility, would you use it to observe or to act?
59. If you chose flight, where is the first place you would go?
60. Would you rather have the power to read minds or the power to see the future?
61. If you could time travel, would you go to the past or the future?
62. Would you rather be the strongest person on earth or the smartest?
63. If you could speak every language fluently, how would you use that power?
64. Would you rather be able to breathe underwater or survive in space?
65. If you could heal others but not yourself, would you take the power?
66. What is a “mundane superpower” you actually possess? (e.g., always picking the fastest grocery line)

The Music Personality Test (STOMP Model)

Psychologists Rentfrow and Gosling developed the Short Test of Music Preferences (STOMP), linking music taste to personality. Fans of “Reflective and Complex” music (Jazz, Classical) score high on openness to experience and verbal ability. Fans of “Upbeat and Conventional” music (Pop, Country) tend to be extroverted and agreeable.

Questions that reveal personality through music:

67. What is your go-to karaoke song?
68. Do you prefer music with complex lyrics or a good beat?
69. Are you more likely to listen to Jazz/Classical or Pop/Country?
70. Do you use music to change your mood or match your mood?
71. What was the first concert you ever attended?
72. If you could start a band, what genre would it be?
73. Do you prefer listening to music alone or with others?
74. What artist do you secretly love that might surprise people?
75. Do you pay more attention to the lyrics or the instrumentation?
76. What song would be the opening track of the movie about your life?

Relationship Rules: What Science Says About Love

Navigating relationships is complex, but behavioral science offers frameworks—and debunks some popular myths.

What is the 7-7-7 Rule?

The 7-7-7 Rule suggests couples should have:

• A date every 7 days
• A night away every 7 weeks
• A vacation every 7 months

While the specific numbers are somewhat arbitrary (popularized by actress Amy Nuttall and TikTok), the underlying principle aligns with research showing that shared novel activities boost relationship satisfaction.

What is the 70/30 Rule in Relationships?

The Gottman Institute’s research found that 69% of relationship conflicts are perpetual problems—meaning they stem from fundamental personality differences and will never be fully “solved.”

Successful couples don’t eliminate these conflicts. Instead, they:

• Accept the ~70% of unchangeable issues
• Focus energy on the ~30% that are solvable
• Discuss perpetual problems with humor and affection rather than frustration

Big Idea: You’re not failing because you keep having the same argument for 20 years. You’re normal. The goal isn’t to solve every disagreement—it’s to manage ongoing differences with mutual respect.

What is the 3 Loves Theory?

Anthropologist Helen Fisher identifies three brain systems for mating:

1. Lust (testosterone/estrogen) — generalized sexual desire
2. Attraction (dopamine/norepinephrine) — the “rush” of romantic love and obsessive thinking
3. Attachment (oxytocin/vasopressin) — the calm, secure bond of long-term partnership

Pop psychology expands this into “3 Loves in a Lifetime”: the Idealistic Love (first love), the Hard Love (that teaches us lessons), and the Lasting Love (built on acceptance).

Dating & Compatibility Questions (77-110)

77. Do you believe in the “3 Loves in a Lifetime” theory? Which stage do you think you are in?
78. What is your take on the 7-7-7 rule? Is it realistic for your lifestyle?
79. How do you handle the “perpetual problems” in a relationship?
80. Do you have a dog? (Research shows men with dogs in dating profiles are perceived as more capable of long-term commitment)
81. What is your Love Language? (Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, Physical Touch)
82. Do you believe in “soulmates” or do you believe love is a choice?
83. What is a deal-breaker for you that might seem small to others?
84. How much alone time do you need in a relationship?
85. What is your attachment style? (Secure, Anxious, Avoidant)
86. If we were to travel together, are you the planner or the “go with the flow” person?
87. What is the most romantic thing someone has ever done for you?
88. Do you think opposites attract, or do birds of a feather flock together?
89. How do you define “cheating”? (Physical vs. Emotional)
90. What is your philosophy on sharing finances?
91. Do you want children? If so, what is your parenting style?
92. How do you handle conflict? Do you need space or do you want to resolve it immediately?
93. What is your favorite way to show affection?
94. Ideally, how many nights a week would you spend with a partner?
95. What is the biggest lesson you learned from your last relationship?
96. Do you believe in staying friends with exes?
97. What is your idea of a perfect date night?
98. How important is physical intimacy to you in a long-term relationship?
99. What is one thing you would never compromise on?
100. How do you celebrate anniversaries?
101. What makes you feel loved and appreciated in a relationship?
102. How do you define success in a relationship?
103. Do you prefer a night in or a night out? Why?
104. What is your relationship with your family like?
105. What is your favorite thing about yourself?
106. Do you prefer taking things slow or moving forward quickly?
107. How would you describe your perfect weekend?
108. Would you describe yourself as spontaneous or structured?
109. Growing up, were you rebellious or a rule follower?
110. What is the best example of love in your life?

Basic ‘Get to Know You’ Questions for Any Occasion

Need a conversation starter when meeting someone at a networking event, party, or casual meet-up? These questions build rapport before diving deeper.

Everyday Icebreakers (111-135)

111. What’s something new you’ve learned recently?
112. What’s the highlight of your week?
113. Do you have pets? Tell me more!
114. What are you grateful for today?
115. What’s your favorite kind of weather?
116. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?
117. What’s the best-kept secret about where you grew up?
118. What’s the best-kept secret about where you live now?
119. What was the last movie you saw, and how was it?
120. What’s the last TV show you binged and loved?
121. What’s the last book you read, and how was it?
122. What are your plans this weekend?
123. What are your plans for the upcoming holiday?
124. Where’s your favorite place to go on vacation?
125. What’s your favorite place you’ve traveled to?
126. What’s your personality type?
127. Who is your favorite author?
128. What was your first job?
129. What podcasts do you recommend listening to?
130. What’s the first thing that comes to your mind when I say ‘think of a happy memory’?
131. What made you laugh today?
132. Do you prefer sweet or savory snacks?
133. What’s your favorite food?
134. Where did you grow up?
135. What do you like to do for fun?

Workplace Conversation Starters (136-160)

136. What’s the best part about your job?
137. What’s the most challenging part of your job?
138. If you could change one thing about your job or workplace, what would it be?
139. What was the best part of your work week?
140. What was the most challenging thing about your work week?
141. What’s it like to work on your team?
142. What part of your workday are you the most focused on?
143. What part of your workday do you feel the most creative?
144. Do you get more done in the morning or afternoon?
145. What’s your take on four-day work weeks?
146. Do you ever work past five? Why or why not?
147. What keeps you motivated at work?
148. What’s your take on hybrid, remote, or on-site workplaces?
149. What makes you feel appreciated at work?
150. What’s your dream job?
151. What’s one job you would never do, even for a million dollars?
152. What do you think makes a great leader?
153. What’s your take on using AI at work?
154. What’s the best workplace appreciation gift you’ve ever gotten?
155. What was your most embarrassing moment at work?
156. What do you do when you hit a wall and lack motivation at work?
157. How is your office decorated?
158. Have you ever tried a standing desk? Why or why not?
159. What’s the first thing you do in the morning to get your workday started?
160. Do you check your email after hours? Why or why not?

Team-Building Questions That Actually Work

Forget the cringe-worthy icebreakers. These questions build trust and help teammates understand how to work together better.

Questions for Team Members (161-185)

161. What’s the most exciting thing you’re working on these days?
162. What’s the most undervalued professional skill? Why?
163. What’s a skill you’re grateful others have that you don’t have?
164. What’s the worst job you’ve ever had?
165. What’s the appropriate amount of time to show up before a meeting?
166. What’s been your most awkward remote video call experience?
167. What was the most awkward team-building experience you’ve ever had?
168. What is the most underrated way to motivate a team?
169. What is the most overrated way to motivate a team?
170. What’s your take on motivational speakers at staff events?
171. What’s one thing you hope never changes about where you work?
172. Are you a fan of change and variety, or do you prefer consistency and structure?
173. If someone puts you on the spot to speak up in a meeting unprepared, how do you react?
174. What’s something you’re most proud of in your career?
175. What’s the best way for your teammates to communicate with you regarding difficult feedback?
176. When is the best time to email you, instant message you, or call you during the workday?
177. What kind of tasks are you glad to delegate if you are able?
178. What’s your commute to work like? What do you listen to or read on your way in?
179. Do you hope to climb the ladder at work or become a master of your craft where you are?
180. What are the top three indicators someone is trustworthy at work?
181. What kind of tasks drain you at work?
182. If you had the opportunity to completely change how your job is done, what would you do to make it more efficient or exciting?
183. What are your biggest workplace pet peeves?
184. What initially got you interested in the industry you’re working in now?
185. How do your closest colleagues describe you?

Questions for a New Boss (186-210)

186. What projects are you looking forward to getting into most?
187. Do you enjoy planning ahead or taking things as they come?
188. What’s the best way to gain your trust?
189. What’s your take on work-life balance?
190. What kind of projects energize you the most?
191. What’s the best way to show you support as you transition on the team?
192. What’s your preferred way to connect about projects?
193. What’s your leadership style?
194. What’s the best way to show your appreciation?
195. What are your communication pet peeves?
196. What led you to this career?
197. What’s something different about this job compared to your last job?
198. What’s one thing you’re excited to contribute to the team or company?
199. What’s something people often get wrong about you?
200. What is your philosophy on success and failure?
201. What kind of advice do people often come to you for?
202. What does your ideal workday look like?
203. What’s your preferred method to receive updates about progress?
204. What are your priority goals this season?
205. What’s your decision-making process like?
206. What stands out to you about working here so far?
207. What kind of qualities do you appreciate most in a supportive team?
208. What kind of things worked well in your previous role?
209. What part of your new role do you feel most confident about?
210. What’s the best way to approach you with new ideas?

Fun & Silly Questions to Lighten the Mood

Need to set a fun mood with friends or family? These questions get people laughing and sharing.

Silly Questions (211-235)

211. Do you put your right leg or left leg in your pants first?
212. What’s your take on dressing up pets in costumes?
213. Are you a dog person or a cat person? Why?
214. Would you rather be an excellent singer, dancer, or magician? Why?
215. What’s your biggest pet peeve?
216. What is the last dream you remember? What happened?
217. If you came with a disclaimer, what would it say?
218. Do you have a catchphrase you say all the time? What is it?
219. Who’s listed in your favorites on your contact list? Why?
220. What goes through your mind when picking out your outfit for the day?
221. What’s the tenth photo in your photo album on your phone? Can you explain?
222. What TV show or movie are you embarrassed to admit you love?
223. Have you ever fully engaged in a kid’s TV show without any kids around? What was it?
224. Can you do any impressions? What are they?
225. What’s the silliest or dumbest way you’ve injured yourself?
226. What’s the most annoying song you secretly love on the radio these days?
227. What would you do to prepare for a zombie apocalypse?
228. If you could have dinner with five famous people from history, who would you choose and why?
229. If you started a band with five of your closest friends, what would the band’s name be?
230. What was your favorite breakfast cereal growing up? How about today?
231. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
232. What have you done that others would find weird or surprising?
233. What’s the worst gift you’ve ever received?
234. What’s the weirdest or silliest way you’ve been asked out on a date or to a dance?
235. What’s your spirit animal?

Questions That Make People Laugh (236-260)

236. What’s the funniest movie you’ve ever seen?
237. What’s the funniest TV show you’ve ever seen?
238. When was the last time you laughed to tears? What happened?
239. What’s your most embarrassing moment?
240. What’s the most embarrassing thing a parent/guardian has ever done while you were growing up?
241. What outfit did you wear growing up that you’d be mortified to be seen in today?
242. Who is your celebrity crush? Why?
243. What song is stuck in your head these days?
244. Are you someone who names your car? If so, what’s your car’s name?
245. What’s your go-to dance move at parties or weddings?
246. Do you have a hidden talent? What is it?
247. If you’re being introduced on stage, what’s the best song someone could play to represent your personality?
248. What’s trendy right now that you think is ridiculous?
249. What’s the most embarrassing gift you’ve ever received in front of your friends or family?
250. What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever said on a date?
251. Do you have any funny nicknames? How did you get them?
252. What is a surefire way to make you laugh?
253. What’s the funniest thing your pet has done recently?
254. Who is your favorite comedian? What’s their best joke or story?
255. What combination of foods do you eat that others might be surprised to find out?
256. What’s the last YouTube or TikTok video that made you laugh out loud?
257. When was the last time a child embarrassed you in public? What happened?
258. What’s the best or worst pickup line you’ve ever heard?
259. What’s your go-to joke?
260. Do you enjoy dressing up for Halloween? What’s the best costume you’ve ever worn?

Hobbies & Interests Questions

Want to learn about someone’s passions and how they spend their free time? These questions reveal what energizes them.

Hobby Questions (261-285)

261. Do you have any hidden talents people don’t know about?
262. How do you like to spend your free time?
263. What’s a hobby you were really into as a kid?
264. What hobby are you really into as an adult that your childhood self would be embarrassed about?
265. What kinds of things do you like to do to relax?
266. What do you like to do to get your juices flowing?
267. What’s your favorite way to exercise?
268. What’s one thing you wish you were skilled at?
269. Who is your favorite sports team, and why?
270. What kind of music are you listening to lately?
271. What was the last concert you went to, and how was it?
272. What band would you love to see live?
273. What was the last play you saw? What was it like?
274. Do you prefer indoor or outdoor activities?
275. Where do you spend most of your time on the weekends?
276. Do you have any collections? What kind?
277. What kinds of things do you like to do in your alone time?
278. How do you think you’ll spend your time when you retire?
279. What’s your favorite board game?
280. What games do you play on your phone?
281. What’s your favorite meal to cook?
282. Do you enjoy gardening? What are you growing this year?
283. Is there a hobby you only partake in because your partner is into it?
284. When was the last time you did something artistic? What did you create?
285. What kinds of projects are you working on for fun outside of work?

Deep Values Questions

Want to get to know someone on a deeper level? These questions about values take the conversation beyond surface-level small talk.

Values-Based Questions (286-310)

286. What’s one thing your generation values the most?
287. What’s one piece of advice you’ll never forget?
288. What’s the worst advice you’ve ever gotten?
289. What qualities do you admire most in others?
290. Who had the biggest impact on your life growing up and why?
291. What’s something that recently inspired you?
292. Who’s the most inspiring person you know?
293. What’s a hard lesson you’ve had to learn?
294. How have your beliefs changed since you were younger?
295. What is your daily routine like?
296. What habits have you adopted that help you stay motivated?
297. Do you have any tips on how to form good habits or break bad ones?
298. Do you own anything sentimental you can never get rid of?
299. What do you do to recover from a bad day?
300. What do you do when you need an energy boost?
301. What do you value most about your family?
302. What do you value most about your friends?
303. If you had a million dollars and you had to give it away, where would you donate it?
304. What’s one topic you could talk about for hours?
305. What’s your family like?
306. What do you love to learn about?
307. If you could do something you’ve always wanted to do, had all the money and skills you needed, and knew you could not fail, what would you do?
308. What’s the best motivational speech you’ve ever heard and why?
309. Where do you like to donate your money or time when you can?
310. Do you have a life motto? What is it?

Questions for Students

Want to connect with the students in your life? These questions help you understand their world and what they’re learning.

Student Questions (311-335)

311. What’s your favorite subject to study?
312. Who are your favorite teachers, and why?
313. What’s your hardest subject?
314. What do you think students are struggling with the most these days?
315. What do you wish non-students knew about student life today?
316. If you could change one thing about the school system, what would it be?
317. What keeps you motivated to study?
318. How much time do you like to have to write a paper?
319. What’s your take on group projects?
320. Do you prefer being a team leader or a team contributor? Why?
321. Are class presentations intimidating or exciting for you? Why?
322. Which social media platform is best for connecting with friends? Why?
323. Have you ever skipped school? What did you do?
324. What do you do to calm yourself before a big test?
325. What are your go-to emojis?
326. What helps you feel better when you’re down?
327. What’s the most important quality of a teacher?
328. How do your friends and family describe you?
329. What kinds of things come easily to you that seem harder for others?
330. If you could go on a dream field trip to anywhere in the world, where would you want to go, and what would you want to learn more about?
331. What’s your opinion on grades? Do you think they are helpful or not? Why?
332. What are you looking forward to learning about this year?
333. What do you think makes others feel included at school?
334. Would you rather do homework or chores?
335. Have you ever used YouTube to help you learn something? Who are the most helpful YouTubers?

Questions for Kids (336-360)

336. What kind of qualities do you look for in a friend?
337. If you were president, what would be the first law you’d put in place?
338. If someone wrote a book about you, what would be the title?
339. What’s the best joke you’ve ever heard?
340. What’s the worst way your parents/guardians have embarrassed you?
341. Who do you look up to the most?
342. What’s something you wish adults understood about you?
343. Which fictional book character do you relate to the most? Why?
344. What’s your favorite thing to do with your friends?
345. What’s one thing you wish you knew how to do?
346. What do you think you’ll be like when you’re an adult?
347. If you could send a message to your adult self, what would you want to ensure they never forget about being a kid?
348. If you could be an animal for a day, what would you be?
349. What’s something you think kids do better than adults?
350. What’s one thing you wish you could fix about the world?
351. What’s one word you would use to describe your family? Why?
352. What do you like most about your family?
353. If you could only eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would you choose?
354. What’s your favorite way to have fun?
355. What makes you different from all your friends and family members?
356. What’s one movie you can watch over and over and not get bored? Why?
357. If you were a superhero, what would your superhero name be?
358. What’s your favorite toy and why?
359. What do you want to do on your next birthday?
360. Would you rather ride an elephant or a dolphin? Why?

Questions for Deep Emotional Connection

These questions are designed for moments when you want to move beyond surface-level conversation and truly understand someone’s inner world. Use them with close friends, partners, or anyone you’re building a deeper relationship with.

Special Note: These questions touch on emotions and personal experiences. Approach them with empathy and be prepared to share your own answers too—reciprocal vulnerability builds trust.

Deep Connection Questions (361-385)

361. How do you describe yourself?
362. What’s your favorite thing about yourself?
363. What makes you feel proud to be you?
364. What are your expectations in close relationships?
365. Who has the most influence in your life?
366. Who is the most important person in your life today?
367. What are you struggling with recently?
368. How do you feel in your body today?
369. What was it like growing up in your family?
370. How do you feel about your relationship with your family?
371. How would your family describe you?
372. How did your family express emotions growing up?
373. How do you feel about your relationship with your partner?
374. How do you typically deal with disappointment?
375. How do you receive feedback from others?
376. Who do you typically talk to about your struggles?
377. What feels difficult to process right now?
378. What do you typically do to feel better about yourself?
379. Where does your mind typically wander when you’re alone?
380. What do you believe is true about you?
381. What are you worried people might think about you?
382. How would you rate your communication skills?
383. What do you typically do when you experience conflict?
384. What kinds of things make you angry?
385. What is your first step when you’re faced with a difficult decision?

The Younger Self Questions: Narrative Identity

Psychologist Dan McAdams studies Narrative Identity—the internalized story we create about ourselves. Asking about the “younger self” or “turning points” helps reveal this personal narrative and creates meaningful connection.

Past & Identity Questions (386-410)

386. If you could go back and give your younger self one piece of advice, what would it be?
387. What is a “turning point” in your life that defined who you are today?
388. What is your earliest memory?
389. Did you have a childhood hero? Who was it?
390. What was your favorite toy growing up?
391. Were you a rule-follower or a rebel as a child?
392. What is a story your family tells about you that you wish they wouldn’t?
393. Who was your favorite teacher and why?
394. What did you want to be when you grew up?
395. What was the first album you ever bought with your own money?
396. Did you have a “security blanket” or comfort object?
397. What was the most courageous thing you did as a kid?
398. How has your relationship with your parents changed over time?
399. What is a childhood fear you never grew out of?
400. If you could relive one day from your childhood, which one would it be?
401. What is the biggest risk you took in your 20s?
402. Have you ever had a “quarter-life” or “mid-life” crisis?
403. What is a belief you held strongly in the past that you have since changed your mind about?
404. What is the hardest goodbye you’ve ever had to say?
405. What is a failure that actually turned into a success?
406. Do you think you are the person your younger self expected you to be?
407. What is a tradition from your childhood you want to pass on?
408. Who was your first best friend?
409. What was your favorite bedtime story?
410. If you could apologize to someone from your past, who would it be?

Career & Advice Questions

Research by Brooks, Gino, and Schweitzer found something counterintuitive: asking for advice makes you appear more competent, not less. The mechanism? When you ask for someone’s advice, you’re implicitly validating their expertise—and they perceive you as smart enough to recognize their knowledge.

Professional & Mentorship Questions (411-425)

411. What is the best piece of career advice you’ve ever received?
412. If you could switch jobs with anyone for a week, who would it be?
413. What is a skill you are currently trying to master?
414. How do you handle “imposter syndrome”?
415. What is your superpower in the workplace?
416. If you were the CEO for a day, what is the first rule you would change?
417. Do you work to live or live to work?
418. What is the biggest mistake you’ve made at work, and how did you fix it?
419. Who is your professional mentor?
420. What is your preferred way to receive feedback?
421. Do you prefer remote work, office work, or hybrid?
422. What is the most undervalued skill in your industry?
423. How do you recharge after a stressful workday?
424. What is a project you are most proud of?
425. If you could have a “do-over” on one career decision, what would it be?

4 Quick Tips to Make Any Conversation More Engaging

#1 Use the Intention Statement Method

Before you engage in conversation at a social event, consider the context by asking yourself: “Who’s going to be there? What’s the purpose? Why am I going?”

Then create an intention statement like:

• “I want to make my new colleague feel welcome.”
• “I want to meet two potential client prospects.”
• “I want to learn something new from someone outside my industry.”

This simple mental preparation shifts you from passive attendee to purposeful connector.

#2 Use Friendly, Confident Body Language

Approach conversations with body language that signals you’re a friend, not a threat. Research shows that visible, relaxed hands and open posture create trust.

Specific cues to use:

• Keep your hands visible—rest them on the table or hold your drink at waist level, not crossed over your chest
• Use the Eyebrow Flash—a quick raise of the eyebrows when you first make eye contact signals recognition and friendliness
• Lean in slightly—about 10 degrees toward the speaker shows engagement
• Uncross your arms—crossed arms signal defensiveness, even when you don’t mean it
• Mirror their posture subtly—matching someone’s body position builds unconscious rapport
• Give appropriate eye contact—aim for 60-70% of the time while listening, slightly less while speaking

Action Step: The next time you enter a social situation, do a quick “body language audit.” Check your arms (uncrossed?), your hands (visible?), and your posture (open?).

#3 Practice Active Listening

Listening is the foundation of great communication. Most people listen to respond, not to understand. Flip that script.

How to practice active listening:

• Ask open-ended questions: “What do you think about…?” instead of “Did you like it?”
• Re-state your understanding: “If I understand, you’re saying ____, is that right?”
• Encourage and affirm: “Wow. Tell me more about that!”
• Give good eye contact when someone is talking to you
• Put away your phone—even having it visible on the table reduces connection quality

Pro Tip: Use the “2-second pause” after someone finishes speaking. This brief silence shows you’re processing what they said rather than rushing to respond.

#4 Leave a Lasting Impression

Your get-to-know-you questions might start the connection, but how you end the conversation determines whether it continues.

Techniques for memorable endings:

• Bring up future plans: “It’s been great chatting. I hope you have a great time at X next week.”
• Make a plan to connect: “This has been so interesting. Can we connect over coffee sometime?”
• Recall a story or inside joke: “I’m not going to forget the story you told about X. Thanks for sharing.”
• Exchange contact information: “I’d love to connect again. Here’s my information before I go.”
• Compliment and make them feel memorable: “It’s been great talking to you. I’m going to remember you.”

Action Step: Choose one ending technique and commit to using it in your next three conversations.

Get to Know You Questions Takeaway

The research is clear: deep, substantive conversations are linked to greater happiness and stronger relationships. But you don’t have to wait for meaningful topics to arise naturally—you can create them with the right questions.

Here’s what to remember:

1. Follow-up questions are your superpower. Harvard research shows they’re the most effective way to increase likability. After someone answers, resist switching topics—dig deeper instead.

2. Preferences reveal personality. A love for spicy food suggests sensation seeking. A sweet tooth correlates with agreeableness. Mountains attract introverts; oceans attract extroverts. Use this knowledge to understand people better.

3. The 36 Questions work. Arthur Aron’s research proves that structured, escalating self-disclosure can generate meaningful closeness in just 45 minutes. Try them with a friend or partner.

4. 69% of relationship conflicts are perpetual. Don’t try to “solve” every disagreement. Successful couples manage ongoing differences with humor and mutual respect.

5. Asking for advice makes you look smart. Contrary to common belief, seeking guidance signals that you’re intelligent enough to recognize expertise.

6. Body language matters as much as words. Keep your hands visible, lean in slightly, and use the eyebrow flash to signal friendliness.

7. End conversations memorably. Reference something specific from your conversation, make a plan to reconnect, or simply tell them you’ll remember them.

The happiest life isn’t just social—it’s conversationally deep. Use these 425+ questions to skip the small talk and build connections that matter.