How to Find a Partner in Both Business & Life

Use science to find a partner in business & life. This guide gives you a playbook to spot the non-negotiable traits of a truly compatible match.

Whether you’re looking for a co-founder to build a company with or a partner to build a life with, your brain is running ta background check. You’re scanning for incredibly deep human traits like trust, shared values, and a compatible way of handling stress.

These are the pillars of any successful long-term partnership, and the science behind what makes a business team thrive can teach you astounding things about finding love—and vice versa.

What Science Says About Finding Your Perfect Partner

Whether you’re launching a startup or looking for a soulmate, your success often hinges on a single choice: your partner. But what actually predicts a strong partnership?

The science points to a few universal truths that apply whether you’re evaluating a co-founder or a life partner.

You Share the Same “Why”: Research (source) shows that business founders are often driven by one of two core motivations: the desire to stay “King” (maintaining creative control) or to get “Rich” (maximizing wealth). A mismatch here is a recipe for disaster. The exact same principle applies to life partners. You need to be aligned on your fundamental “why.” Are you both seeking a life of adventure and travel, or one of stability and community?
Your Strengths Are Complementary: You are not looking for your clone. The most successful founding teams have complementary skills—a builder and a seller, a visionary and an operator. In a life partnership, this might look like one person being the meticulous planner while the other is amazing at being spontaneous and social. You fill in each other’s gaps, creating a team that is stronger than the sum of its parts.
You Have Healthy Disagreement: The best partner isn’t someone you never argue with; it’s someone you argue with well. For business partners, this means seeing how they handle professional friction. For life partners, Gottman calls this having “gentle start-ups” to a conflict instead of critical attacks. In both cases, you’re looking for a person who can disagree with your idea without disrespecting you.
You Feel Psychologically Safe With Them: A massive Google study on team effectiveness, Project Aristotle (source), found the #1 predictor of a successful team was “psychological safety”—the ability to be vulnerable, ask questions, and admit mistakes without fear of reprisal. This is the very definition of intimacy in a romantic relationship. A great partner, in business or life, is the person you’re not afraid to fail in front of. It’s the person who, when you say “I messed up,” responds with “Okay, how do we fix it together?“

9 Ways to Spot a Great Partner in Work and Relationships

Alright, you’re ready to move from abstract ideas to the real-world search for your partner. It starts not by overhauling your entire life, but by starting with small, actionable steps:

In his bestselling book Give and Take, psychologist Adam Grant identifies two types of people: Givers and Takers. Takers are always calculating what they can get from others. Givers instinctively look for ways to help. While takers can see short-term success, Grant’s research shows it’s the givers who build stronger, more successful, and more resilient partnerships in the long run.

In business, a “taker” partner will drain your energy and resources. A “giver” will freely share leads, ideas, and credit, trusting that a rising tide lifts all boats.

A socially generous partner is genuinely happy for their friends’ successes. They introduce you to their circle with pride, expanding your world instead of shrinking it. Their generosity with their contacts is a massive clue about their generosity of spirit.

Want to spot it? Ask them who they’ve helped recently. Givers are always helping someone. Takers will draw a blank.

Look for a “Growth Mindset,” Not a Fixed One

Remember when we talked about asking about failures? This is the science behind why that trick works so well. It all boils down to a concept from researcher Carol Dweck that is one of the most important predictors of success in any partnership: having a “growth mindset.”

Here’s the quick version:

A Fixed Mindset assumes talent and intelligence are set in stone. You’re either good at something or you’re not. So, you avoid challenges because failure feels like a permanent black mark.
A Growth Mindset assumes abilities can be developed through effort. You see challenges as opportunities to learn. Failure isn’t a final verdict; it’s just helpful feedback.

In business, a partner with a fixed mindset is poison to innovation. They’ll stick to what they know and blame the market when things go south. A growth-minded partner is your greatest asset because they’re built for resilience, always ready to learn and pivot.

In life, it’s even more critical. A fixed-minded partner says, “This is just how I am,” as an excuse to stop trying. A growth-minded partner says, “We’re not great at this yet… so let’s figure it out together.”

Want to spot it? Ask them how they learned to do something they’re good at. A person with a fixed mindset will often just say, “I’ve always been good at it.” A person with a growth mindset will tell you a story—a story about practice, effort, and learning from mistakes.

The “How Do They Treat the Waiter?” Rule

Okay, this one is an old classic, but it’s a classic for a reason: it’s maybe the most reliable, instant character test on the planet. I’ve felt my excitement for a potential collaboration completely deflate just by the way the other person snapped their fingers for the check.

When there’s a power imbalance—even a temporary one like being a customer—a person’s true programming gets revealed. How do they act towards someone they don’t need to impress? That single interaction tells you almost everything about their baseline for respect. It’s a direct look at their ego and their capacity for kindness when no one important is watching.

In business, the “waiter” is the junior analyst in the meeting, the receptionist, or the IT person fixing their laptop.

In life, it’s the Uber driver, the cashier, or the customer service rep on the phone.

The ultimate test? When a small mistake happens. Grace and patience in the face of a forgotten side of fries is a green flag. Entitlement and anger are a huge red flag.

Run a Values Audit Before a First Date

Think of your core values—like creativity, security, adventure, or integrity—as your own personal operating system. When you team up with someone running a compatible system, things just work.

So, how do you spot this before you waste an evening on a bad date or a pointless meeting? You do a quick values audit in two steps:

First, figure out your own non-negotiables. The easiest way is to think of a moment you felt incredibly proud or fulfilled. What was happening? The values fueling that moment (Were you being creative? Helping someone? Conquering a huge challenge?) are the ones that truly drive you. If you want to dive deeper, read our full guide here: 300+ Core Values You’ll Ever Need For Work, Relationships, and Life
Next, do a little recon. Before you meet, check out their LinkedIn profile or personal website. For a business partner, are their posts all about individual wins, or do they celebrate their team? Do they seem genuinely excited about the work, or just the paycheck? For a life partner, their dating app profile is a goldmine. Is it all pictures of solo skydiving trips when you’re a homebody who loves board games? There’s no right or wrong, but there is a right or wrong for you.

The Weekend Trip Test

Let’s be real: you don’t truly know someone until you’ve traveled with them. A trip is a perfect storm of small, unexpected challenges. Do they see a problem and shut down, or do they see it as a puzzle to solve? Do they start pointing fingers when things go wrong, or do they grab your arm and say, “Okay, new plan!” with a glint in their eye?

For a life partner, the test is literal. Plan a low-stakes weekend getaway. You might learn more in 48 hours about their patience, sense of humor, and teamwork than you will in three months of polite dinners.

For a business partner, proposing a random trip might be a little weird. So, you create the business equivalent: a project sprint.

Say something like, “Hey, instead of just talking about this, what if we booked a co-working space next Saturday and tried to build a small piece of it?” Working together under a tight deadline on a single, challenging task is the ultimate professional “weekend trip.”

You’ll see how they handle creative disagreements, how they communicate when they’re tired, and most importantly, if you still enjoy being in the same room after eight straight hours together.

Ask About Their Last Three Failures

Want to know a secret I use in almost every important “first meeting”? I don’t ask about someone’s greatest success. That story is polished, rehearsed, and designed to impress. If you want to see who a person really is, ask them about a time something went spectacularly wrong.

Start by sharing one of your own small, recent stumbles. “I tried to build my own standing desk last weekend and it was a complete disaster. I learned I should probably just stick to writing.”

Then, ask a gentle, open-ended question like, “Anything you’ve been working on lately that didn’t go quite as planned?”

The specific failure doesn’t matter. What you’re listening for is the story behind the story.

Do they take ownership? Or do they blame their old boss, their “crazy” ex, or the universe? A partner who can say “Yeah, that was my fault” is a keeper.
Did they learn anything? The golden answer isn’t “I never made that mistake again.” It’s “It taught me that I need to be more patient/ask for help sooner/double-check my work.”
Can they laugh about it? A little humor or perspective shows they’ve processed the failure and aren’t haunted by it. It demonstrates resilience, one of the most vital traits in any long-term partner.

You can also pay attention to their body language. Try this resource:

Beware the Charismatic CEO Effect

You know the person. They walk into a room and the energy just shifts. They’re magnetic, tell incredible stories, and have a vision so compelling you feel ready to quit your job and join their mission on the spot.

In business, this is the founder who can deliver a mind-blowing presentation but has no idea how to actually manage a team or a budget. In life, it’s the romantic partner who is thrilling, adventurous, and the life of every party, but might be completely absent when it comes to the quiet, boring, and difficult parts of a real relationship.

The problem with a “Charismatic CEO” is that their best skill is often the pitch, not the follow-through.

So how do you snap out of the spell?

Try the “Tuesday Test.” Ask yourself: “Okay, the big speech on Friday was amazing, but what is this person like on a boring Tuesday morning when the Wi-Fi is down?” In a relationship, “The surprise weekend trip was incredible, but what are they like on a rainy Tuesday night when we just need to do laundry and talk about bills?” Look for a partner who shines in the quiet moments, not just under the spotlight.

Listen for “We,” Not Just “I”

I want you to try a little experiment. The next time you’re in a conversation with a potential partner—business or romantic—I want you to pay attention to the tiniest words they use. Don’t worry about the big, impressive stories; focus on the pronouns. Are you hearing a whole lot of “I,” “me,” and “my”? Or are you hearing “we,” “us,” and “our”?

It sounds almost silly, but linguistic researchers (source) have found that the pronouns we use are a huge tell. They’re an unconscious signal of how we see ourselves in relation to others. A person who constantly uses “I” isn’t necessarily a raging narcissist, but it can suggest a worldview that is fundamentally self-focused. They see success and failure as a solo performance.

On the other hand, someone who naturally uses “we” when talking about a team project, a family event, or a past relationship is showing you that they are a natural collaborator. They instinctively see life as something you do with people.

In a business meeting, listen for how they describe past successes. Is it, “I grew revenue by 30%,” or is it, “We had an amazing quarter”? The first person might be a superstar, but the second person is the one you want in the trenches with you when things get hard. They see partnership as the default.

It’s even more powerful in dating. When someone talks about their friends, is it, “I’m going to the concert,” or “We’re all going”? When they start talking about a future that includes you, do they say, “You should come over sometime,” or does it slowly shift to, “What should we do this weekend?”

That little shift from “I” to “we” is one of the most beautiful sounds in a budding partnership. It means their brain has started to build a space for you in their world. All you have to do is listen for it.

Give Them an (Almost) Impossible Task

I’m not saying you should ask a potential partner to solve world hunger on your first meeting. But you should see what they do when faced with a problem that has no obvious solution.

When the easy path is blocked, what’s their go-to move? Do they get flustered and quit? Do they collaborate and start brainstorming? Do they get creative and find a loophole?

For a business partner, throw out a crazy hypothetical. “Imagine our biggest competitor just made their product free. What do we do?” Don’t listen for the right answer—there isn’t one. Listen for their energy. Is it stressed, or do you see a playful spark in their eye?

For a life partner, the task can be much smaller. You show up at your favorite ice cream shop, and it’s closed. It’s a tiny, dead-end problem. Do they get grumpy, or do they immediately turn it into an adventure to find a new spot?

3 Non-Negotiable Traits Your Perfect Partner (in Business or Life) Must Have

Okay, the tips are fascinating, and we know the stakes are high. But what does it all boil down to? If you had to ignore the resume, the dating profile, and the charming first impression, what are the essential, non-negotiable traits that truly predict a successful partnership?

After years of research into what makes relationships thrive—from co-founder teams to married couples—it comes down to three core pillars.

1. Unshakeable Value Alignment (Your “What”): This is the bedrock. It’s the shared, unspoken understanding of what truly matters. When you have value alignment, you just know your partner will agree that integrity is more important than a quick win, or that family time is more valuable than an extra hour at the office. Without it, every major decision becomes a battle because you’re conflicted by two different value systems.

2. A Compatible Conflict Style (Your “How”): Let’s be clear: the goal is not a conflict-free relationship. That’s a fantasy. The non-negotiable goal is finding someone whose style of handling disagreement is compatible with yours. Some people need to talk things out immediately; others need space to cool down. Some are direct; others are more gentle. None of these styles are inherently wrong, but an explosive debater and a conflict-avoidant partner will create a toxic dynamic.

3. A Mutual Growth Mindset (Your “Future”): We touch more on Carol Dweck’s groundbreaking research down below, but it’s so critical here. A growth mindset is the shared belief that skills, intelligence, and even relationships are not fixed—they can be developed and improved. This is the trait that guarantees your partnership has a bright future. In business, it’s the co-founder who, after a failed launch, says, “Okay, that was painful. What can we learn from it?” In life, it’s the partner who says, “We’re not great at this yet, but we can learn to be.”

When you find someone who aligns on the “What,” the “How,” and the “Future,” you’ve struck gold.

FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions) on Partners

What is the best way to find a business partner?

The best way to find a business partner is by leveraging your professional network and clearly defining your needs. Start by creating a detailed profile of your ideal partner, including the skills, experience, and values they should possess. Attend industry events, utilize professional networking platforms like LinkedIn, and inform your colleagues and mentors about your search to connect with suitable candidates who can help grow your business.

How can I find a partner in business for my startup?

To find a partner in business for a startup, focus on co-founder matching platforms, startup incubators, and accelerator programs. These environments are specifically designed to connect entrepreneurs with complementary skills and shared visions. Clearly articulate your startup’s mission and the specific role you need to fill to attract individuals who are genuinely passionate about your venture and ready for the startup journey.

Where can I find a business partner online?

You can find a business partner online through dedicated platforms like CoFoundersLab, Founder2be, and by actively engaging in relevant LinkedIn groups. Create a compelling profile that highlights your business idea, your strengths, and the qualities you’re seeking in a partner. Proactively reaching out and participating in discussions within your industry’s online communities is key to making valuable connections.

How does finding a business partner compare to finding a life partner?

While both searches involve finding a compatible individual, the focus differs significantly. Finding a business partner prioritizes complementary professional skills and shared business goals within a solid legal framework. In contrast, the search for a life partner centers on emotional connection, shared personal values, and deep personal compatibility. Although both require trust and communication, the core criteria for success are rooted in different aspects of life.

What is the best approach to find a life partner?

To find a life partner, focus on self-awareness and genuine connection. Understand your own values, communication style, and what you truly seek in a relationship. Engage in hobbies and social activities you enjoy to meet like-minded people organically. Online dating can be a useful tool, but prioritize authentic conversations and shared experiences over superficial criteria to build a lasting and meaningful connection.

What should I look for when finding a third partner?

When looking for how to find a third partner for an existing business, it’s crucial to identify the specific gap in skills or resources that the new partner will fill. Your existing partnership should first agree on the exact role, responsibilities, and equity share for the third partner. This clarity ensures you’re searching for someone who brings a unique and necessary contribution to the team, rather than creating an imbalance.

What legal steps are needed when you find a partner for business?

Once you find a partner for your business, it is essential to take legal steps to protect all parties involved. This includes drafting a comprehensive partnership agreement with the help of a lawyer. This document should detail profit and loss distribution, roles and responsibilities, decision-making processes, and a dissolution strategy to prevent future conflicts and ensure a smooth working relationship.

Finding Your Partner: The Sparknotes Version

Choosing a partner, whether for your business or your life, is one of the biggest decisions you’ll ever make. The good news is you don’t have to rely on luck. By understanding the science of what makes partnerships thrive, you can turn the overwhelming search into a smart, strategic process.

Here is your cheat sheet for finding “The One”:

Prioritize Shared Values Over Shared Interests. Your core motivations (the “why” behind what you do) are the most important predictor of long-term compatibility, from the boardroom to the living room.
Look for a Venn Diagram, Not a Mirror. The best partners have complementary skills and strengths that fill in your gaps, creating a team that is stronger than the sum of its parts.
Conflict is Data. Don’t run from disagreement. How a person handles a challenge, a failure, or a simple mistake tells you everything about their character, resilience, and growth mindset.
Character Trumps Charisma. Watch out for the “Charismatic CEO Effect.” Pay more attention to how they treat people who have nothing to offer them (the “Waiter Rule”) than how well they pitch an idea.
Listen for “We,” Not Just “I.” The pronouns a person uses unconsciously reveal whether they have a collaborative, team-oriented mindset or a self-focused one.
Test for Generosity. A partner who is a “Giver” (sharing credit, connections, and help freely) will enrich your life, while a “Taker” will drain it.
Find a Fellow Student of Life. The most critical trait for a lasting partnership is a mutual “Growth Mindset”—the belief that you can both learn, adapt, and grow together through any challenge.

Now that you have the tools to identify a great potential partner, the next step is building an unbreakable connection from your very first conversation. A powerful partnership is built on exceptional communication. To master the habits that build deep trust and understanding, dive into our definitive guide: 10 Effective Ways You Can Improve Your Communication Skills.