10 Clear Signs It's Time to Stop Reaching Out to a Friend

Friendships can bring joy and support, but what happens when they're no longer healthy? Here are the signs it may be time to end a friendship, plus how to heal.

Picture this: You’re always the one texting first, planning coffee dates, and celebrating their wins—yet your messages go unanswered. If this sounds like your “friendship,” it might be time for a gentle goodbye.

Friendships change, so take a moment to ask: “What does this friend really add to my life?” Yet many of us keep holding on long after the connection has faded. It can feel as painful as a romantic breakup when your effort keeps hitting a wall.

At what point should you stop reaching out? Here are the clear signs it’s time to let go, plus how to end a friendship, heal yourself, and move forward into healthier connections.

Here are the keys signs it’s time to let go, plus how to end a friendship, heal yourself, and move forward.

13 Telltale Signs It’s Time to End the Friendship

Here are the key factors to consider when deciding whether to stop reaching out to a friend:

1. They Aren’t Putting in Any Effort

Good friendships go both ways: you give, and you get. Everything won’t always be 50/50, but there needs to be a certain level of give and take. If you’re the only one…

• Making plans
• Asking questions about their life
• Following their journey
• Taking an interest in them
• Remembering important dates
• Showing up to important events
• Supporting their dreams or ambitions
• Liking their social media posts

…it could be a sign the friendship has become one-sided, and they aren’t making an effort to be your friend anymore.

As psychologist Dr. Marisa G. Franco, author of Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends, explains: “For my closest friends, I require reciprocity. If the reciprocity isn’t there, we can be friends, but we won’t be close.”

Avoiding you, not responding, and canceling or flaking on plans are especially clear signals that they no longer invest in your friendship.

2. You’ve Exceeded the 3 Text/Call Rule

There’s no official “rule of thumb” for when to stop reaching out, but it can help to think about one-sided conversations this way:

• The first time you text or call and they don’t respond, give them a free pass. They could be busy or have forgotten to get back to you.
• The second time you try to reach out or make plans and they don’t respond, take a mental note and wait a few days to a week.
• If you reach out a third time without a response, it may be time to stop trying. You could also be getting ghosted. This can be extremely hurtful and confusing because there is no reasoning or closure.

Key Caveat: Make sure you still have your friend’s correct phone number. You may reach out on multiple social media platforms. Check that they aren’t on vacation or in any extenuating circumstance before you jump to conclusions.

3. You Haven’t Hung Out in Several Months

If a long period has passed without hanging out, it could be a sign that the friendship isn’t going anywhere or you are going your separate ways. Sometimes, both parties stop reaching out to make plans because it doesn’t feel right.

Recent data shows that 47% of Americans reported having lost touch with at least a few friends over the past 12 months (source). You’re not alone if this friendship is fading.

Key Caveat: This does not apply to long-distance friendships. It is also important to consider unusual circumstances, like a family death, extended vacation, a major move, or a job change, that could prevent you from hanging out.

4. You Don’t Feel Good Around Them Anymore

Your gut feeling around your friend is arguably the most important sign. If you no longer feel like you can be yourself around this person, you may not want to have them in your life.

Consider these emotional signals that you may not enjoy their company:

• You feel insecure or unhappy in their presence
• You feel like you’re beneath them
• You feel overwhelmingly anxious before meeting up with them
• You feel relieved after leaving their presence
• You avoid their calls or texts because you don’t enjoy talking to them

Listen to your gut! As Dr. Franco wisely notes: “No one should endure friendships that make them feel chronically lousy, even if those same friendships make others feel fine. We need to know ourselves, our needs, and our boundaries to make the right call for us. (source)”

This friendship may no longer be aligned, and that is OK.

5. They Only Reach Out When They Need Something

Does your friend only text when they need a favor, want to vent, or need emotional support? True friendships involve mutual care. If every conversation centers on their problems or requests without any genuine interest in your life, you’re dealing with a one-sided friendship.

Pay attention to the pattern:

• Do they disappear after you’ve helped them?
• Do they ask about your day or struggles?
• Do they celebrate your wins?

If the answer is consistently “no,” your friendship has become a one-way support system.

6. You Feel Drained After Spending Time Together

Healthy friendships should energize you, not drain you. If you consistently feel emotionally exhausted, frustrated, or depleted after hanging out with this friend, that’s a major red flag.

This exhaustion might come from:

• Constant negativity or complaining
• Drama and conflict
• Feeling like you have to “perform” or be someone you’re not
• Walking on eggshells around them

Real friends should add joy to your life, not subtract your energy.

7. They Dismiss or Minimize Your Feelings

When you share something important—a success, a struggle, a concern—does your friend:

• Change the subject back to themselves?
• Minimize what you’re going through?
• Make you feel silly for caring?
• Compete with your story or “one-up” you?

True friends validate your feelings and make space for your experiences. If your friend consistently dismisses what matters to you, they’re showing you how little they value your emotional world.

8. The Friendship Feels Like an Obligation

Friendships should feel like a choice, not a chore. If the thought of responding to their texts fills you with dread, or if you only maintain contact out of guilt or history, ask yourself why you’re holding on.

Signs it’s become an obligation:

• You make excuses to avoid seeing them
• You feel guilty when you think about ending it
• You’re only friends because of shared history (“We’ve been friends since college”)
• You dread their name popping up on your phone

9. They’ve Betrayed Your Trust

Some situations are relationship-enders. If your friend has:

• Shared your secrets or confidences
• Lied to you repeatedly
• Betrayed you in a significant way
• Disrespected your boundaries after you’ve clearly set them

These patterns of hurtful behavior signal that the friendship has run its course and may not serve you in the next chapter of your life.

Before you walk away, take a quick look at your own behavior, too:

• Have you communicated how you feel?
• Are you engaging in playful banter that may have crossed a line?
• Have you considered confronting them before ending things?

10. They’re Jealous of Your Success

A real friend celebrates your wins. If your friend consistently:

• Makes snide comments about your achievements
• Seems uncomfortable when good things happen to you
• Downplays your success
• Competes with you instead of supporting you

That’s jealousy, not friendship. You deserve people who genuinely root for you.

11. Your Values No Longer Align

As you grow and change, your core values might shift. Maybe you’ve become more health-conscious while your friend still wants to party every weekend. Perhaps you’re focused on career growth while they criticize your ambition.

When fundamental values diverge—around money, lifestyle, ethics, or life goals—the friendship can feel increasingly forced and uncomfortable.

12. Other Important People in Your Life Express Concern

Do your other friends, family members, or partner consistently express concerns about this friendship? While you should ultimately make your own decisions, trusted people in your life might see red flags you’re missing.

If multiple people you trust are saying:

• “They don’t treat you well”
• “You seem different around them”
• “They’re holding you back”
• “You deserve better friends”

It’s worth taking their observations seriously.

13. The Friendship Has Become Toxic

A toxic friendship actively harms your mental health and well-being. Signs include:

• Constant criticism and put-downs
• Manipulation or emotional blackmail
• Controlling behavior
• Making you feel bad about yourself
• Encouraging destructive habits

If the friendship consistently makes you feel worse about yourself, it’s time to prioritize your well-being and let go.

Quiz: Is It Time to Stop Reaching Out?

Still unsure whether you should stop reaching out to a friend? Take this quick self-assessment to gain clarity.

For each statement, give yourself points:

• Never/Rarely = 0 points
• Sometimes = 1 point
• Often = 2 points
• Always/Almost Always = 3 points

1. I’m the one who initiates contact
2. I feel anxious or drained after spending time with them
3. They cancel plans or don’t respond to my messages
4. I feel like I can’t be myself around them
5. Our conversations are mostly about them
6. They only reach out when they need something
7. I feel relieved when plans fall through
8. They dismiss or minimize my feelings
9. I make excuses to avoid seeing them
10. Other people I trust have expressed concerns about this friendship

Your Score:

0-10 points: Healthy Friendship Your friendship has some normal bumps, but overall it seems balanced and healthy. Keep nurturing it!

11-20 points: Warning Signs There are some concerning patterns in this friendship. Consider having an honest conversation about what you need to feel valued and supported.

21-30 points: Time to Reevaluate This friendship is showing multiple red flags. It may be time to step back and seriously consider whether this relationship serves your well-being. Trust your gut feeling. Ready to attract friends who actually show up? Get our FREE ‘Be the Most Likable Person in the Room’ training!

6 Real Reasons Friendships Naturally Fade (And Why It’s Okay)

Friendships can be an important source of support, companionship, and joy, but they can also be complex and difficult to maintain. Like any long-term relationship, communication and effort are required from both parties. However, as people change and grow into different phases of their lives, it is natural for some friendships to end.

In fact, 86% of young adolescents report having experienced friendship break-ups in their lifetime (source), and approximately 50% of young people experience friendship break-ups across any 6-month period (source). The data is clear: friendship endings are a normal, almost universal part of the human experience.

The most common causes for ended friendships include:

1. Drifting Apart

According to Marisa Franco in _Platonic_https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/692248/platonic-by-marisa-g-franco/, one common reason friendships end is that they just “fizzle out” due to life changes. People naturally drift apart as their lives take different trajectories, and/or they become too busy to meet up.

The statistics back this up: Time spent in-person with friends declined from 60 minutes per day in 2003 to 20 minutes per day in 2020https://www.happiness.hks.harvard.edu/february-2025-issue/the-friendship-recession-the-lost-art-of-connecting. When we don’t invest time, even the closest bonds can fade.

Often, this drifting can feel mutual on both ends. One person may be afraid to say something to the other. If you still feel close to a friend and it seems they are drifting into new social circles or interests, remember that it probably has nothing to do with you. As people go through different phases of life, they may shift their identities, preferences, and activities.

2. Lack of Effort or One-Sided Efforts

If you’re the only one reaching out or making plans, it could be a sign that you’re in a one-sided or codependent friendship. Even the most likable people can end up in one-sided friendships wherein the other doesn’t seem to care.

When you’re putting in most of the effort or the conversations are constantly about them, take note of how it makes you feel. You deserve people in your life who choose you. Good friendships go both ways.

3. Change in Life Circumstances

When someone starts a family, moves to a different city, or pursues a new career, it can significantly impact your friendship. If these changes lead to a major change in communication, shared activities, or commonalities, it may be a sign the friendship is fading.

Research shows that only 35% of high school friendships reported in senior year remained stable after high school (source), demonstrating how life transitions naturally impact our social circles.

For example, if you used to go out partying with your college friends all the time, graduation might shift your priorities. Similarly, if you recently had children and your single friends only want to meet up for happy hours, you may find that your life’s priorities no longer align with those friendships.

4. Patterns of Hurtful Behavior

Some situations are downright hurtful or rude. If your friend betrays you, harms your self-esteem, or disrespects you, these are signs that the friendship has run its course and may not serve you in the next chapter of your life.

Dr. Marisa Franco explains the danger of ignoring these patterns: “We need to use anger as a symbol to heal something, rather than push it away. Because what happens when we push it away is that there were so many junctures where we could have healed something and we didn’t, and then it gets to be too much. We’ve accumulated too many grudges. And at that point, all we feel we can do is withdraw from the friendship. (source)”

For example, if your friend constantly puts you down or makes you feel beneath them, it may be time to stop reaching out to them. They should be lifting you up and celebrating your accomplishments.

5. Romantic Involvement

Things can get messy quickly when a platonic friendship treads into romantic waters. Maybe you have strong feelings for your friend, and they don’t feel the same way, or vice versa. Confessing romantic love for a friend is vulnerable and courageous, but it may be best to stop hanging out altogether if the feelings are unrequited.

Alternatively, romantic changes outside of the friendship can also shift the dynamic. For example, your friend may get a new boyfriend, and he becomes concerned or jealous about her hanging out with a male friend.

6. Disapproval by Friends or Family Members

Do you have that one friend that none of your other friends or family members seem to like? Perhaps they are a bad influence on you or regularly gossip about important people in your life. Maybe your close, supportive friends confront you about how this person is holding you back or encouraging you to engage in bad habits.

When someone doesn’t fit into your social group, it may be time to assess if the friendship is going anywhere. Do you only hang out in a particular setting, like at the bar? Do you only discuss certain topics, like gossip or negative opinions?

Ultimately, the people you choose to keep in your life are your decision. But, if your closest relationships get a bad feeling about your friend, it may be worth listening to.

Graceful Goodbyes: How to End a Friendship with Kindness

When you’ve realized that a friendship is no longer serving you, it helps to create closure for both parties. To navigate the process of ending a friendship in a respectful and healthy way, consider these key phases:

1. Reflection and Clarity

Take time to reflect on your feelings, reasons, and expectations for ending the friendship. Being honest with yourself will help you communicate your decision more effectively. Consider journaling about it or drafting a letter with what you’d like to say to them.

2. Avoid Ghosting

Going silent on someone, or “ghosting” them, can be very emotionally painful because your old friend will be left without any closure or answers. Rather than suddenly cutting off communication, consider ending things directly. Even just a brief text message is a kinder ending than disappearing without a word.

3. Honest Communication

Have an open and honest conversation with your friend, expressing your feelings and concerns. Choose a calm and private setting, and avoid blaming or attacking them.

4. Use “I” Statements

When confronting somebody about ending a friendship, use “I” statements to express how you feel. “You” statements can seem accusatory and may lead to defensiveness. Focus on your perspective when expressing how you feel and why the friendship no longer serves you.

For example:

• Instead of: “You never make time for me”
• Try: “I feel hurt when our plans consistently fall through”

5. Let It Fizzle

Alternatively, if they have not contacted you, you can stop reaching out and avoid the intense discussion. As Dr. Franco wisely advises: “Don’t take friendship for granted. Don’t be passive, letting friendship fizzle because you forgot to reach out. Don’t dip out when friends need you.”

Sometimes the kindest ending is allowing the natural distance to speak for itself.

6. Set Boundaries

If you remain acquaintances or cut ties completely, establish clear boundaries supporting your well-being. This may include limiting contact, unfollowing or unfriending on social media, or avoiding places where you are likely to run into each other.

7. Return Any Items

If you have borrowed books, clothes, or other items from your friend, kindly return them when the relationship ends. You don’t necessarily need to give back gifts or tokens of your friendship, but you want to ensure you’ve tied up loose ends with borrowed or lent possessions.

8. Be Prepared for Their Reaction

Everyone reacts to bad news differently. Mentally prepare yourself with deep breaths, relaxation, meditation, or another grounding technique. If the person might be volatile, consider ending things via phone.

9. Move Forward Gracefully

Every human relationship is an opportunity to learn and grow. Wish your friend well, and try to move on without any resentment or anger. Reflect on what you learned from the friendship, the mistakes you made, and how you can apply those lessons to future friendships. In short, close the chapter with peace.

Remember, ending a friendship doesn’t diminish the positive experiences and memories you share. It’s a natural part of life’s journey, and by prioritizing your own well-being, you create space for healthier relationships to enter your life.

Healing Heartache: Bounce Back from a Friendship Breakup

Ending a friendship can feel just as emotional and challenging as a romantic breakup. You are completely valid for feeling upset or lonely after losing someone who was important in your life. Grief, guilt, and self-doubt are common emotions.

Here are some strategies to help you heal and get back to your core, vibrant essence.

1. Lean on Your Support System

Ending a friendship can be emotional. You shared so many fun times and memories together! You may have even felt like part of your social identity has been lost. This is an important time to lean on your support system. When you express your feelings and show some vulnerability, it allows the most important people in your life to show they care about you.

Confide in trusted friends, family members, or seek the help of a therapist who can help you process your emotions and restabilize after a friendship breakup. If you need a licensed mental health counselor, here is a great resource.

2. Try to Remove Reminders of Them

It’s hard to get over a lost friend when you see reminders of them everywhere. It can help to hide or remove anything that triggers old emotions or memories. You can:

• Reframe your perspective of places where you used to go together. You may want to avoid going there for a while. Alternatively, create new positive memories in those spaces so they don’t always remind you of them. It’s important not to repress your emotions while still taking the time you need to heal. Try to explore new restaurants, parks, and hangouts in your town.
• Put gifts, photos, or tokens in the back of the closet where you can’t see them.
• Alternatively, give away or throw away relics of the friendship, especially if it was toxic to your well-being.
• Delete or archive old photos from your social media account.
• Unfollow them on social media. Seeing photos of your ex-friend online can be emotionally painful. If the friendship ends in a dramatic way, you may even consider blocking them for your own peace of mind.

Pro Tip: If you had a really close friend you consistently went in public with, people might notice when you’re not with them anymore. If someone asks, “Where is Caitlyn? I thought you two always hung out together,” or “What happened between you and Brian?” it’s OK to respond with a vague answer like, “Oh, we’ve both just moved onto new things.”

3. Don’t Take It Personally

If your friend stops investing, it usually says more about them than about you. When someone isn’t investing in your friendship, it may not have anything to do with you. Their lack of effort could be due to social anxiety, lack of confidence, or outright selfishness.

While you cannot control their reactions, you can work to improve yourself. Perhaps you dominate conversations or have a negative attitude at times (it happens to the best of us!)

Pro Tip: Redirect your focus by reading a self-development book to help improve your confidence and mental state after a friendship breakup. The Four Agreements is a phenomenally helpful book about freeing yourself from the habit of taking things personally. Ultimately, how people treat you reflects their own decisions, opinions, and inner climate. You can only control yourself.

4. Pour Into Yourself

When one door closes, another one opens. All the energy you put into a one-sided or toxic friendship can now be redirected into something new and positive for yourself. Instead of pouring into someone who didn’t reciprocate your efforts, you can take these small steps to fill your own cup:

• Take yourself out on a solo date to do something you love to do but haven’t had time for. Maybe it’s a trip to the nail salon, a game of golf with your buddies, a night at your favorite restaurant, or a shopping spree.
• Learn how to love yourself through mirror exercises, creative outlets, affirmations, and meditations.
• Try out new hobbies or creative activities like these 19 Amazing Ways to Be Creative (That You’re Not Doing).
• Boost your self-worth with these 20 Ideas to Build Self-Esteem, like creating an empowering playlist, texting 3 people, and making a “learning bucket list.”
• Start a side hustle or passion project with this guide.

5. Rebuild Your Self-Confidence

Toxic or one-sided friendships can chip away at your self-esteem over time. After ending the friendship, it’s crucial to rebuild your sense of self-worth:

• Practice positive self-talk: Challenge the negative narratives you may have internalized from the friendship
• Celebrate your strengths: Make a list of your positive qualities and accomplishments
• Set small achievable goals: Success breeds confidence; start with manageable wins
• Seek professional support: If the friendship has significantly impacted your mental health, consider working with a therapist who specializes in relationship issues and self-esteem building

6. Give Yourself Permission to Grieve

A friendship ending is a legitimate loss. You’re allowed to feel sad, angry, confused, or relieved—sometimes all at once. Give yourself permission to:

• Cry when you need to
• Talk about your feelings with trusted people
• Acknowledge the good times you shared
• Process the hurt without judgment

There’s no timeline for healing. Some people bounce back quickly; others need months to fully process. Both are completely normal.

Test your people skills and see how you stack up.

How to Make New Friends After Letting Go

One of the most common fears about ending a friendship is: “What if I end up alone?” The good news? Letting go of unhealthy friendships actually creates space—emotionally and practically—for better connections.

In fact, 12% of U.S. adults report having no close friends, a fourfold increase since 1990https://www.americansurveycenter.org/research/the-state-of-american-friendship-change-challenges-and-loss/, which means many people are actively seeking authentic friendships right now. You’re not alone in wanting to build new connections.

Here’s how to open yourself up to new, healthier friendships:

Redirect Your Focus to People Drifting Toward You

When it feels like you are drifting apart from a close friend, a great course of action is to redirect your focus to people that are drifting toward you:

• Who do you know that has recently started a hobby you can do together? If your old friend no longer likes to play tennis or go out dancing, maybe another friend has coincidentally started taking an interest in your favorite hobbies.
• Of your current acquaintances, who shares your taste in music, art, or food? When old friends shift their tastes, remember that plenty of people still love the things that you do. Reach out to acquaintances to bond over mutual passions.
• If you’re changing or losing interest in things you used to do with this particular friend, maybe it’s time you try something new. Here are the 33 Best Social Hobbies to Meet People (Even For Introverts).

Try New Social Activities

The best way to make new friends is to put yourself in social situations where you naturally meet like-minded people:

• Join a class or workshop: Cooking classes, art workshops, fitness groups, or book clubs provide built-in conversation starters
• Volunteer for causes you care about: Shared values create strong friendship foundations
• Attend networking or interest-based meetups: Platforms like Meetup.com organize local gatherings around specific interests
• Take up a team sport or activity: Recreational sports leagues, hiking groups, or dance classes create regular touchpoints
• Say yes to invitations: Even if you’re nervous, accept invitations from coworkers, neighbors, or acquaintances

Quality Over Quantity

You don’t need a large circle of friends. Research consistently shows that a few close, supportive friendships are more valuable than dozens of shallow connections. Focus on:

• Finding people who share your values, not just your interests
• Building friendships slowly: Deep connections take time and consistency
• Being authentic from the start: Pretending to be someone you’re not attracts the wrong people
• Looking for reciprocity early: Notice who texts back, asks questions, and initiates plans

Be the Friend You Want to Have

The golden rule applies to friendship too. If you want friends who:

• Initiate contact
• Show genuine interest
• Celebrate your wins
• Support you during tough times

…then model that behavior yourself. Friendship is a two-way street, but someone has to take the first step.

Give New Friendships Time to Develop

Research shows that it takes about 200 hours of time together to form a close friendship (source). Don’t get discouraged if new connections don’t feel instantly deep. Keep showing up, be patient, and trust the process.

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Why True Friends Boost Your Health, Happiness, and Success

Quality friendships are scientifically proven to make you happier, healthier, and live longer. However, a toxic friendship could do just the opposite.

True friends are the ones who know you inside and out and fully accept you for who you are. They are there to make you laugh when you’re feeling down, listen to you vent when you feel frustrated, and celebrate your greatest moments.

“A good friend is a connection to life – a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world.”

—Lois Wyse

Friends are so essential to humanity that the quality of your friendships can directly impact your physical and mental health, as well as your career, finances, social network, self-esteem, and longevity.

Would a true friend stop reaching out to you? A real friend makes you a priority. While life gets busy and circumstances change, genuine friends find ways to maintain connection. If someone consistently fails to reach out, cancels plans repeatedly, or only contacts you when they need something, they’re showing you through their actions that you’re not a priority in their life—and that’s not how true friendship works.

Is it bad if a friend stops reaching out to you? Not necessarily. Sometimes people go through challenging periods—depression, family crises, overwhelming work situations—that make them withdraw temporarily. However, if the pattern continues for months without explanation or effort to reconnect, it’s a sign the friendship dynamic has shifted. Pay attention to whether this is a temporary phase or a permanent change.

Here’s more about the 7 Science-Backed Reasons Why Friends are Important.

Your Friendship Audit: Adding Joy or Draining Energy?

Ultimately, your mental health and well-being are the most important factors in any relationship. If a friendship is causing you stress, sadness, or negative feelings, it could be time to let go. You may simply be growing into a new phase of your life where you need new friends to support you.

Remember these key signs that it’s time to stop reaching out to a friend:

✅ They aren’t putting in the effort. Your relationship has become one-sided.

✅ You’ve consistently reached out 3 or more times, and they haven’t responded.

✅ You haven’t hung out in several months and have drifted apart.

✅ You don’t feel good around them anymore. Trust your gut.

✅ They only reach out when they need something from you.

✅ You feel drained rather than energized after spending time together.

✅ They dismiss or minimize your feelings consistently.

✅ The friendship feels like an obligation, not a choice.

✅ They’ve betrayed your trust in significant ways.

✅ They’re jealous of your success instead of celebrating with you.

✅ Your core values no longer align, making connection difficult.

✅ Trusted people in your life express concern about how this friend treats you.

✅ The friendship has become toxic, actively harming your mental health.

What happens when you stop reaching out? Initially, you might feel guilty, sad, or worried you made the wrong choice. But most people report feeling lighter, more peaceful, and relieved once they’ve let go of a draining friendship. You’ll have more energy for people who truly value you, more time for self-care and personal growth, and space to cultivate healthier connections. The short-term discomfort leads to long-term freedom.

Check out this guide to Outgrowing Friends? 6 Signs You’ve Outgrown Your Friendship.