How to Process Emotions: 8 Strategies For Inner Peace

Did you know emotional processing is a skill you can work on? In this article, we’ll look at 10 strategies to process your emotions, and even tackling the...

Did you know emotional processing is a skill you can work on?

In this article, we’ll look at 10 strategies to process your emotions, and even tackling the age-old question: “Is it cool to hide my feelings like a ninja?” (Spoiler: sometimes, but let’s not make it a habit).

But first…

Disclaimer: We are so honored to help you find authentic connections! If you are struggling to find the help you need, please note that all content found on this website is not to be considered professional medical advice. It is always best to consult a doctor or licensed therapist with any questions or concerns in regards to your physical or mental health. For a good resource for therapists, you can check out Mental Health America’s helpful list.

Feelings vs. Emotions (What’s The Difference?)

Before we dive into the emotional deep end, let’s get our terms right:

Feelings: The conscious experience of emotional reactions. They’re more subjective and influenced by personal experiences and beliefs.

Emotions: Automatic, unconscious reactions to stimuli that are universally expressed across cultures. They’re the body’s instant reaction to the world around us.

Still confused? Here’s a handy table:

How to Process Emotions in a Healthy Way: 10 Strategies That Actually Work

The Emotional Intensity Scale

Who this technique is for: Folks who can’t tell if they’re mildly miffed or about to blow a gasket.

How this technique helps: No more feeling just “bad” or “down”—you know exactly how you’re feeling.

Ever feel like your emotions are here, there, everywhere? Here’s how to grip on your emotional weather:

1. Create Your Scale: Imagine a scale from 1 to 10. 1 is “Cool as a cucumber” and 10 is “Volcano of feelings about to erupt.”
2. Define Your Levels: Give each number a brief description. For example:
   • 1-3: “Meh” (Noticeable, but not day-ruining)
   • 4-6: “Umm, okay then” (Definitely feeling it, but still functional)
   • 7-8: “Houston, we have a problem” (Hard to focus on anything else)
   • 9-10: “Emotional tsunami incoming” (Completely overwhelmed)
3. Check-In Regularly: Set reminders to take your emotional temperature throughout the day.
4. Rate Your Emotion: Give your current state a number. No emotional humble bragging here!
5. Track Over Time: Keep a log. Use a journal, app, or spreadsheet if you’re feeling extra nerdy.
6. Look for Patterns: After a week, play emotion detective. Any recurring spikes or dips?
7. Adjust Your Response: Use your ratings as a guide. A level 3 might need deep breaths, while a level 8 calls for deploying your support squad.

Action Step: For a week, set three daily reminders to check in. Rate your emotions and jot down what’s happening. At week’s end, look for patterns. Any emotional surprises lurking in your log?

Pro Tip: Create a visual scale. Could be color-coded, emoji faces, or a playlist where each song represents a level. Because sometimes, only Adele can truly capture your level 7 heartache.

Somatic Emotional Release

Somatic Emotional Release taps into your body-emotion connection, helping you physically process what you’re feeling.

Research shows that emotions can be stored in the body. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, in his book The Body Keeps the Score explains how trauma and emotions can be held in physical form. By moving intentionally, we can release these stored emotions.

Think of it as an emotional movement menu. Choose your emotional flavor, and we’ll serve up the movement:

• Anger: Punch the air or stomp your feet
• Anxiety: Shake your whole body, starting from your hands
• Sadness: Slow, flowing movements like tai chi
• Frustration: Twist a towel or squeeze a stress ball
• Joy: Jump up and down or dance freely

When should you use it? After a stressful meeting, before having a difficult conversation, when you feel emotionally “stuck,” or as a daily emotional cleanse.

Here are some pro tips:

1. Start small: Even subtle movements can have a big impact
2. Eyes closed: Enhance body awareness by shutting out visual distractions
3. Add sound: Sighs, grunts, or hums can amplify the release
4. No judgment: Your emotional interpretive dance isn’t being scored

A word of caution: If you have a history of trauma, consult with a mental health professional before diving into intense physical emotional release techniques.

Want to try it right now? Stand up (yes, right now). Close your eyes. Take three deep breaths. Now, starting with your toes, work your way up your body, tensing and relaxing each muscle group. End by scrunching and releasing your face muscles. How do you feel?

Emotion Mapping

Ever wished you could see your emotions laid out in front of you? Emotion Mapping allows you to create a visual representation of your emotions and their connections to life events.

Here’s how to create your Emotion Map, best explained by video:

You can even go beyond and label significant events in your life on your emotion map. As you map, consider these questions:

• Which events are connected to multiple emotions?
• Are there any isolated events or emotions?
• Can you spot any patterns in how emotions cluster around certain types of events?

Spend about 10-30 minutes on your initial map. The goal is to make your emotional landscape visible and understandable to you.

The Feelings Jar Exercise

Ever wish you could physically grab your emotions and put them somewhere? Well, grab a jar, because that’s exactly what we’re about to do:

1. Get a clear jar (or draw one if you’re feeling artsy).
2. Gather materials to represent emotions: colored sand, beads, pebbles, glitter, etc.
3. Assign colors or materials to different emotions.
4. As you experience emotions throughout the day, add the corresponding items to your jar.
5. At the end of the day, look at your jar. What does your emotional landscape look like?

But wait, there’s more! Here’s a table of emotion-to-material translations to get you started:

Now, let’s jar it up:

• Start your day with an empty jar. As clean as a whistle, fresh as a daisy.
• Feel a burst of joy after your morning coffee? Sprinkle in some yellow sand.
• Stressful meeting got you seeing red? In go the red pebbles.
• Killing it at work and feeling proud? Time for some gold glitter!

At day’s end, take a good look at your jar. Is it a calm sea of blue or a fiery mix of reds and oranges? If you’re a visual learner, this jar is your go-to tip!

Pro Tip: Take a photo of your jar each day. After a week or month, scroll through the pics. You’ve just created a time-lapse of your emotional journey. Mind. Blown.

Bonus Tip: Struggling socially? You can also do this exercise with people skills! Every time you have a conversation, put in different-colored objects for the strongest emotions you experienced. You can also level up your people skills with this resource:

Master your People Skills

Create a Memorable PresenceCommunicate with ConfidenceAchieve Your Goals

Join People School

Have a question about the presentation or People School? Email Science of People support.

Emotional Accountability Partner

If you’ve just been ghosted by your crush, your boss is on a power trip, and your cat just barfed on your favorite rug, who you gonna call? No, not Ghostbusters—your Emotional Accountability Partner (EAP)!

An EAP is like a gym buddy for your feelings. They spot you when your emotions get too heavy, cheer you on when you’re making progress, and call you out when you’re slacking on your emotional workouts.

In fact, research shows that with a regular check-in, people achieved their goals at a 46% rate vs 4% without!

The EAP Commandments:

1. Thou shalt not judge.
2. Thou shalt listen more than thou speaketh.
3. Thou shalt not offer unsolicited advice (unless explicitly requested).
4. Thou shalt respect the sacred oath of confidentiality.
5. Thou shalt celebrate emotional gains, no matter how small.

How to EAP Like a Pro:

1. Choose Wisely: Pick someone you trust implicitly. Your gossipy coworker? Hard pass. Respected mentor? Definitely.
2. Set Ground Rules: Establish boundaries, communication preferences, and a “safe word” for when things get too intense.
3. Regular Check-ins: Schedule weekly emotion debriefs. Think of it as a feelings forecast.
4. Be Reciprocal: Take turns sharing and listening. It’s a partnership, not a therapy session.
5. Use “I” Statements: “I feel…” not “You make me feel…” Remember, you’re accountable for your own emotions.

The EAP example in Action:

You: “I’m feeling really anxious about this presentation.”

EAP: “On a scale of ‘butterflies in your stomach’ to ‘full-blown pterodactyls,’ where are you at?” You: “Definitely pterodactyls.”

EAP: “Okay, let’s break this down. What’s the worst that could happen?”

You: “I could forget everything and look like a complete idiot.”

EAP: “And how likely is that, really?”

You: ”…I guess not very. I’ve prepared well.”

EAP: “Exactly. You’ve got this. Now, take a deep breath and imagine those pterodactyls turning into cute little butterflies.”

The EAP Emergency Kit:

• A shared playlist of mood-boosting songs
• A code word for “I need to vent RIGHT NOW”
• A list of go-to comfort activities for each other
• An album of ridiculous memes to lighten the mood

Sensory Grounding

The sensory grounding technique involves using your senses to pull yourself back to the present moment when emotions threaten to sweep you away.

Remember, there are 5 different avenues at your disposal at all times:

1. Vision
2. Hearing
3. Touch
4. Smell
5. Taste

When emotional turbulence hits, call on your senses one by one. Here’s the breakdown:

1. Vision: Identify 5 things you can see
   • Example: “I spy with my little eye… a blue pen, a crack in the wall, a flying pigeon, my favorite mug, and that hideous tie my aunt gave me for Christmas.”
2. Hearing: Recognize 4 sounds you can hear
   • Example: “My ears detect… the hum of the air conditioner, a dog barking outside, my own breathing, and the faint sound of my neighbor’s terrible karaoke.”
3. Touch: Find 3 things you can feel
   • Example: “My skin senses… the soft fabric of my shirt, the cool metal of my watch, and the slight breeze from the open window.”
4. Smell: Identify 2 scents you can smell
   • Example: “My nose picks up… the aroma of freshly brewed coffee and the scent of my lavender hand cream.”
5. Taste: Notice 1 taste in your mouth
   • Example: “My taste buds register… the lingering mint from my toothpaste.”

Level Up Your Grounding Game:

• Create a box with items that engage each sense (e.g., a stress ball for touch, essential oils for smell)
• Play “Sensory I Spy” with a friend
• Practice daily, even when you’re calm, to strengthen your grounding skills

The Emotional Benefit Analysis

Ever feel like your emotions are out to get you? Plot twist: they might be your secret superheroes in disguise. Turns out, emotions can actually have a benefit, too.

How It Works: Every emotion, even the uncomfortable ones, has a purpose. Your job is to identify the potential benefits hiding in each feeling. Here’s a starter guide:

1. Anger: The Catalyst
   • Primary Function: Drives change
   • Hidden Strength: Identifies injustice
   • Key Question: “What needs to change, and how can I contribute to that change?”
2. Fear: The Guardian
   • Primary Function: Alerts to potential dangers
   • Hidden Strength: Enhances preparation and caution
   • Key Question: “What do I need to prepare for, and how can I do so effectively?”
3. Sadness: The Depth-Finder
   • Primary Function: Processes loss and change
   • Hidden Strength: Increases empathy and introspection
   • Key Question: “What’s truly important to me, and how can I honor that?”
4. Jealousy: The Motivator
   • Primary Function: Highlights personal desires
   • Hidden Strength: Clarifies goals and aspirations
   • Key Question: “What do I really want, and what steps can I take to achieve it?”
5. Guilt: The Ethical Navigator
   • Primary Function: Aligns actions with values
   • Hidden Strength: Improves relationships and personal integrity
   • Key Question: “How can I make amends and align my actions with my values?”

Your Task: The next time you encounter a challenging emotion, instead of dismissing it, explore it:

1. What’s the core message of this feeling?
2. What is it trying to protect or promote in your life?
3. What action or change is it motivating?
4. How can you harness its energy constructively?

Remember: Emotions are neither good nor bad inherently. Even if you constantly experience an unwanted emotion, keep exploring it to uncover even deeper truths to each emotion.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Sometimes, just trying to relax isn’t enough. This is where Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) comes in. By systematically tensing and releasing muscle groups, we can achieve deep relaxation and emotional release.

Try these exercises:

1. Hands and Forearms
   • Clench your fists tightly
   • Hold for 5 seconds, noticing the tension
   • Release, focusing on the contrast between tension and relaxation
2. Upper Arms
   • Flex your biceps
   • Hold, acknowledging any emotions that surface
   • Release, letting tension and feelings flow out
3. Shoulders and Upper Back
   • Raise your shoulders toward your ears
   • Hold, recognizing where you’re carrying stress
   • Release, imagining worry sliding off your shoulders
4. Facial Muscles
   • Scrunch up your face tightly
   • Hold, noting any resistance to letting go
   • Release, allowing your face to become expressionless and calm
5. Chest and Abdomen
   • Tighten these muscles, taking a deep breath
   • Hold, observing any emotional energy stored here
   • Release with an exhale, letting out tension and trapped emotions
6. Legs and Feet
   • Tense your legs and curl your toes
   • Hold, feeling the connection to the ground
   • Release, imagining stress flowing out through your feet

As you progress through each muscle group, pay attention to any emotions that arise. The physical release often triggers an emotional one. Acknowledge these feelings without judgment, allowing them to surface and dissolve on their own if they want to.

Pro Tip: Do this daily!

1. Find a quiet, comfortable space where you won’t be disturbed
2. Optionally, use calming background music
3. Begin at your toes and work upward, tensing and relaxing each muscle group
4. With each release, check in with your emotional state. What’s emerging?
5. Visualize tension and stagnant emotions leaving your body
6. Conclude with several deep, centering breaths

How Long Does It Take to Process Emotions? (Spoiler: Longer Than a TikTok Video)

Wouldn’t it be great if we could just microwave our emotions for 30 seconds and be done with it? Unfortunately, emotional processing can takes time, but the results are worth it.

The time it takes to process emotions can vary wildly depending on factors like:

• The intensity of the emotion
• Your past experiences and coping mechanisms
• The situation triggering the emotion
• Your overall mental health and support system

Here’s a rough timeline for different types of emotions:

• Acute stress or frustration: 90 seconds to a few hours
• Mood swings: A few hours to a day
• Situational anxiety or sadness: A few days to a couple of weeks
• Grief or heartbreak: 6 months to 2 years (but can vary greatly)
• Trauma: Months to years, often requiring professional help

Remember, these are just averages. Your emotional mileage may vary. The important thing is to be patient with yourself and seek help if you’re feeling stuck.

Learning to Hide Your Emotions: Is It Healthy? (Or Just Really Good Acting?)

We’ve all been there – forcing a smile when your coworker brings in yet another batch of “homemade” cookies that taste like cardboard. But is hiding our emotions actually good for us?

The Pros of Emotional Concealment:

• Can help maintain professional relationships
• Useful in short-term, high-stress situations
• Can prevent impulsive reactions you might regret

The Cons of Emotional Concealment:

• Long-term suppression can lead to health problems (source)
• May strain personal relationships
• Can lead to emotional disconnection and numbness

So when should you put on your poker face?

• In professional settings where emotional outbursts could be inappropriate
• In emergency situations where calm is needed
• When you need time to process your emotions before reacting

And when should you let it all hang out?

• In safe, supportive environments with trusted friends or family
• During therapy or counseling sessions
• When concealment is causing you more stress than the emotion itself

The key is balance. It’s okay to keep a lid on things sometimes, but make sure you have outlets to express and process your emotions regularly.

How Do We Control Our Emotions in Different Situations? (Without Becoming a Robot)

Emotional control isn’t about becoming Spock from Star Trek. It’s about managing your emotions effectively in different contexts. Here are some strategies for common situations:

1. At Work
   • Take deep breaths before responding to a frustrating email
   • Use the “pause and reflect” technique before speaking in heated meetings
   • Practice empathy when dealing with difficult colleagues
2. In Relationships
   • Use “I” statements to express feelings without blaming
   • Take a time-out if you feel overwhelmed during an argument
   • Practice active listening to understand your partner’s perspective
3. In Public
   • Use grounding techniques (like focusing on your senses) to manage anxiety
   • Have a “go-to” phrase for politely excusing yourself if emotions become overwhelming
   • Practice visualization techniques to stay calm in stressful situations

Remember, the goal isn’t to never feel emotions. It’s to respond to them in ways that align with your values and goals.

We All are a Work in Progress

Congrats! You’ve made it through this emotional obstacle course of an article. Let’s recap the key points:

1. Emotions and feelings are different (but equally important)
2. Processing emotions takes time and practice
3. There are tons of strategies to help you manage your emotions (and none involve screaming into the void)
4. It’s OK to hide your emotions sometimes, but don’t make it a habit
5. Emotional control is about management, not suppression

Remember, becoming an emotional ninja isn’t about never feeling anything. It’s about surfing the waves of your feelings instead of drowning in them.

So go forth, feel your feelings, and maybe try that Emotion Mapping tip at your next family dinner. Who knows? You might just start a trend of emotional intelligence (or at least confuse your relatives with words like “discombobulated”).Ready for the next article? Read on: 40 Powerful Tips to Deal with Anxiety (That Actually Work)