13 Helpful Tips to Persuade People Ethically & Easily

Do you want to be more persuasive? I'll show you how to use authentic persuasion to achieve more of your objectives. Have you ever bought a silly product that...

Do you want to be more persuasive? I’ll show you how to use authentic persuasion to achieve more of your objectives.

Have you ever bought a silly product that you didn’t really need? (I am ashamed to say I have two Snuggies!) That was persuasion in action! In this guide I am going to dive deep into persuasion (authentically, of course) and answer these common persuasion questions:

What is persuasive communication?
What makes a persuasive argument?
Why is persuasion important in business?
What is the purpose of persuasive communication?

What is Persuasion?

Persuasion is the action or fact of persuading someone, or of being persuaded to do or believe something, usually with the goal of changing a person or group’s attitude or behavior. Persuasion can come in the form of spoken or written words to convey information, feelings, or reasoning, or a combination of them.

Whether you want to be more persuasive in business or personal life, there are some behavioral techniques that work over and over again. Below are my favorite persuasion techniques you can use today:

Who do you most want to persuade?

Close friends or family
Strangers
Clients or work relationships
Potential romantic partners
Other

Be Bold

It’s hard to ask for what we want. The biggest barrier to being persuasive is our own fear! To get our way, we have to know what our way is. To be persuasive, we have to know what we are asking for. To inspire confidence, we have to be confident!

The single easiest way to be more persuasive is to be more clear about what you really want.

Asking for what we want requires us to be direct. And yes, this opens up the possibility of rejection. When we fear rejection we are more likely to shut down. Our own fears creep into our asks and make us less bold with our requests. Fear hurts our persuasiveness:

We apologize.
We stall and delay.
We add qualifiers.
We are fuzzy and unclear with requests and next steps.

The problem is that when we are unclear about what we want, others can’t get clear either.

Action Step: Next time you need to ask for something, use clear, concise language. Remove any disqualifiers such as maybe, possibly or probably. Simplify your statements so you are super clear with yourself and the other person on what needs to happen next. Before walking into a pitch, meeting, or negotiation get clear on:

What you want.
How you can help.
What the next steps should be.

Use a Value Proposition

One of the main concerns people have when it comes to using persuasion is the feeling that they might be manipulating people. When I first started studying persuasion, I asked myself, how do effective leaders communicate persuasively? How can they persuade people without sacrificing their integrity?

The answer? The Value Proposition.

What is a value proposition? A value proposition, or positioning statement, is basically a 30-second elevator pitch of what you do and why your product or service is valuable. (Research here https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2212827114001206 )

Donn LeVie Jr., certified fraud examiner, explains the importance of a value proposition: You have the undivided attention of a decision-maker in an elevator who’s just asked you, “What do you do?” and you have half a minute to explain your value and expertise.

You always should have your value proposition ready. Create a statement that answers the following questions:

What does your service/product/expertise mean for me?
Why should I buy this product/service or hire you over all others we’re considering?
How is your expertise/product/ service different from others we’re considering?
What problem can your service/product/expertise solve?

The goal here is to frame what you do as beneficial to someone else. Here’s an example:

Don’t Say: “I plan events for corporate meeting planners.”
Do Say: “Meeting planners and association executives hire me to make them look like superstars.”

If you can, start off with a lead-in statement showing social proof. For example:

Don’t Say: “I write books.”
Do Say: “I’m the national best-selling author of Captivate and Cues.”

The Framing Effect

Ever heard the phrase, “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it”? Well, in persuasion, it’s both! The framing effect shows that people react differently to a particular choice depending on how it’s presented.

For example, would you rather buy a yogurt that’s “80% fat-free” or “20% fat”? They’re the same thing, but one sounds a lot more appealing!

Here’s how to use framing effectively:

Focus on gains: Highlight what people will gain, not what they’ll lose. “Save $100” is more appealing than “Avoid losing $100.”
Use positive language: Frame options in a positive light. “95% fat-free” sounds better than “5% fat.”
Consider the end goal: Frame your message in terms of the ultimate benefit to the person you’re trying to persuade.
Use metaphors: Clever metaphors can frame complex ideas in relatable ways.

In a classic study by Tversky and Kahneman http://www.stat.columbia.edu/~gelman/surveys.course/TverskyKahneman1981.pdf, participants were given a choice between two treatments for 600 people affected by a deadly disease:

Treatment A: “200 people will be saved”
Treatment B: “There is a 33% chance of saving all 600 people, and a 66% chance of saving no one”

72% of participants chose Treatment A. But when the same choice was framed differently:

Treatment C: “400 people will die”
Treatment D: “There is a 33% chance that no one will die, and a 66% chance that all 600 will die”

Now, 78% chose Treatment D - even though it’s identical to Treatment B!

Action Step: Before your next persuasive conversation, write down your main points. Then, reframe each one to focus on gains, use positive language, and relate to the other person’s goals. Practice both versions and see which feels more compelling.

Trigger the Golden Question

When explaining what you do, delivering your elevator pitch, or (hopefully) crafting the perfect value proposition, always try to trigger the golden question.

The golden question is anytime someone asks “How?”

Take the example from persuasion technique #1: “Meeting planners and association executives hire me to make them look like superstars.” The next logical question is: “How?”

That value proposition triggers the golden question. Once someone asks more details, you know they are intrigued.

How can you get someone to ask “How?” “How?” is the first step to action.

Let’s look at using a value proposition lead-in for the golden question. This example is from someone interviewing at a company.

Hiring manager/decision-makers: “So, tell me, Tom, why should we bring you on board?”
Tom’s lead-in: “Mr. Jones, decision-makers, hire me because of the benefits my proven problem-solving expertise will bring to this organization’s strategic objectives.”
Hiring manager/decision-makers: “How do you do that?”
Tom’s value proposition: “My accomplishments in loss prevention include recovering more than $200,000 in revenue. That knowledge and skill set will contribute to your enterprise’s ongoing business goals from day one. What would be your highest priority project that I would be working on in that regard?”

Tom lays out his value proposition and ties it in with the suggestion in his question to the hiring manager that he’s the only logical candidate to receive a job offer. Tom doesn’t leave anything to chance or any dead-air possibilities. He continues probing the hiring manager with more questions, which further reveal his expertise as a value-added problem solver and not just another candidate looking for a job.

Let’s look at using a value proposition lead-in for someone representing an anti-fraud business seeking a new customer or client. See how Diane triggers the golden question:

Prospective client/decision-makers: “Tell me something about your company, Diane.”
Diane’s lead-in: “Mr. Jones, those big-box retailers hire us to help them sleep better at night.”
Decision-makers: “How exactly do you do that?”
Diane’s value proposition: “Our wireless HD micro-camera security system is not only the most preferred electronic surveillance device in the retail industry. It also gives you worry-free security assurance, with impenetrable 100 percent uptime, thanks to triple-redundant backup hard drives, and 24/7/365 support that includes fraud investigation support. Let me ask you: ‘What’s your most pressing fraud issue that’s keeping you up at night?’”
Diane takes the same approach that Tom did in the previous example, by presenting herself and her company as a problem solver — not a peddler of electronic surveillance equipment. She knows the pain point of the decision-makers: worrying (“keeping you up at night”) about fraud and preventing revenue loss. She jumps in by demonstrating through her questions that she wants to help solve problems.

Try this formula:

To (target audience) + our/my (product or service category) + is the (functional/symbolic/experiential benefit) + that provides (functional/symbolic/experiential benefit)+ because (reason to believe).

See how this works in a real example:

“To loss prevention specialists in the retail clothing industry, our wireless HD micro-camera security system is the most preferred electronic surveillance device. It provides fail-safe, worry-free security assurance because of 100 percent uptime, triple-redundant backup servers and 24/7/365 support for any of your security issues.”

Need help crafting your value proposition or golden questions?

In one fascinating experiment https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7039466/, researchers had a group of people stop in a busy street and look upwards. They found that 27% of people passing would look up! That’s social proof in action.

Social proof https://sproutsocial.com/insights/social-proof/ is the psychological phenomenon where people assume the actions of others in an attempt to reflect correct behavior for a given situation. In other words, it’s why we look at reviews before buying a product, or why celebrities are so effective in advertisements.

Here’s how to harness the power of social proof:

Showcase testimonials: Many websites do a great job of this. Display positive feedback from satisfied customers or clients prominently.
Use numbers: If you have impressive stats (like “10,000 happy customers”), don’t be shy about sharing them!
Leverage influencers: Know a VIP? If not, do you have someone relevant who looks the part (ie. a bodybuilder friend who can endorse your gym clothing line)?
Highlight social media activity: Show how many people are talking about or using your product! The more, the merrier!

Action Step: Audit your website, marketing materials, and pitches. Are you effectively showcasing social proof? If not, brainstorm ways to incorporate testimonials, statistics, or endorsements that demonstrate others’ positive experiences with your product or service.

How to Use Persuasion with a Difficult Person

Do you work with a narcissistic colleague or boss? This can be one of the most frustrating and stressful workplace environments. These individuals often require a special kind of persuasion tactic, since their selfishness typically takes center stage.

First, always put your goals, ideas, and plans into writing. It’s easy to be verbally side-swiped by a narcissistic co-worker. So, when you have something important to discuss, send your notes in an email. This way, there’s written proof and an opportunity for everyone to process before a meeting.

Second, one of the best ways to work with a narcissist is to use their strengths to your advantage! When you’re pitching a big client or persuading the sales team, capitalize on the narcissist’s natural charisma. Together, you will be more infectious than alone!

Action Step: Watch all four tips on dealing with narcissists:

How to Use Persuasion in Sales

Are you in sales? Do you work with clients? Authentic persuasion is how you build rapport, capture new clients, and pitch your ideas more effectively.

Start by giving your clients awesome labels. One study looked at the best methods of fundraising and getting people to donate. In the experiment, researchers told a group of donors they were among the highest donors in the organization. This comment led this group to donate more than anyone else—these individuals lived up to their label!

When you tell someone they’re the best, they want to be the best. When you tell a customer they’re awesome, they want to be awesome. Use labels to spark joy and action with your people!

Action Step: See all the killer sales techniques, backed by science:

The Foot-in-the-Door Technique

The classic foot-in-the-door technique involves getting a person to agree to a small request first, making them more likely to agree to a larger request later. It works because of our natural tendency to stay consistent with our previous actions.

Here’s how to use it ethically:

Step 1: Start Small

Request: “Hey Alex, could you review this one-page summary for me? It’ll only take a few minutes.”

Step 2: Show Appreciation

Response: “Thanks a lot for your help, Alex. Your feedback was really insightful!”

Step 3: Build Gradually

Request: “Since you’re familiar with the summary, could you also look over the full proposal? It’s just a few more pages.”

Step 4: Show Appreciation

Response: “I appreciate you taking the time to review the proposal, Alex. Your input really improved it!”

Step 5: Make the Larger Request

Request: “You’ve done such a great job with the summary and the proposal. Would you be interested in leading this project? Your expertise would be invaluable.”

Step 6: Show Appreciation

Response: “Thank you so much for agreeing to lead the project, Alex. I’m confident that with your skills, it will be a great success!”

Set Someone Up for Action

Persuasion is about helping someone take an action. The action could be buying a product, becoming a client, or even agreeing with your opinion. The best thing you can do is have this action in the front of mind during your entire interaction.

You can do this in a number of ways:

Physical Action: If you have someone in your office and your goal is to get them to do something such as sign paperwork or try a product, have the item visible from the moment someone walks in. When someone sees the inevitable action they should take, it helps them get more mentally prepared for it.

Digital Action: Do you have a website or blog? Show people where you want them to look, with pictures and eye direction. Advertisers, marketers, bloggers, and authors do this all the time to signal to the reader what’s important on the page.

We do this on our website too! This is the banner image on our Leadership page:

We can be persuasive in so many ways in the online space and in advertising. Read all 12 ways body language is used in advertising.

Be sure you set someone up to take the right action.

Avoid Persuasion Paralysis

Persuasion Paralysis is one of the biggest detractors from authentic persuasion. It is caused by choice paralysis. Multiple studies and books have proven that when we have too many choices, it’s almost impossible for us to make a decision. The same happens when we give too many choices. We wind up discouraging those around us from acting on one single item.

Barry Schwartz, author of The Paradox of Choice, Why More is Less https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0062449923/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=rrulecom-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=0062449923&linkId=201aedd361f0a41f643854286dd69678, argues that when we overthink our choices, we make the wrong choice, and that fewer choices always are better.

The big idea:

We spend time thinking about the choices we didn’t pick, instead of being happy with the one we did choose. The more choices, the more we feel we ‘missed out on.’

Remember, choose wisely and help your clients and colleagues avoid choice paralysis by presenting them with fewer options. When there’s fewer choices, we all are more successful.

Action Step: Limit your and your client or customer’s choices and watch your persuasion increase.

Bonus Action Step: Learn all 5 habits of socially successful people.

The When-Feel-Need Technique

What if you need to be persuasive with someone you know really, really well? Such as your kids or your spouse? I want to teach you a persuasion technique called the “When-Feel-Need” formula. This is a wonderful way to get what you need in an authentic way.

This is a strategy you can use in any situation, from business, to social, to romantic communications.

First, you address the context by starting with “when.” For example, I might say, “When you don’t clean the microwave in the break room…”

Then you want to go into your needs and feelings, so they understand where you are coming from, by saying “I feel.” Continuing with our example, this would be “I feel frustrated that I am the only one who cares about office cleanliness and am being treated like a hired maid.”

Finally, you end by addressing the benefit to them and the next step — hopefully the intention you thought of in the first step. For example, “Let’s make the kitchen clean for all of us and make a cleaning schedule so we don’t have to be bothered with this again.”

Feelings are important. In addition to being clear and direct about your intentions, you must get someone else to “buy in.” A central part of authentic persuasion is tapping into feelings.

If you need more help on a project, share your feelings of being overwhelmed.
If you are giving a pitch on a new business idea, share your passion.

When you share your feelings behind an ask, it helps you be both transparent and open. I share some additional examples in the video above.

Action Step: Try using this when/I feel/we need formula in your next conversation to see how powerfully it works in getting everyone on the same page.

Being persuasive is about knowing what you want and being able to share it. You might have a great idea, a great product, or a great service — now all you have to do is share it.

The Reciprocity Principle

Ever wonder why free samples at the grocery store are so effective? It’s not just because people love free food (although that helps). It’s because of the reciprocity principle!

Dr. Robert Cialdini, https://www.influenceatwork.com/ the godfather of influence, explains that when someone does something for us, we feel compelled to return the favor. This principle is so powerful that it works even with small gestures.

Here’s how to use it ethically in persuasion:

Give before you ask: Offer a small gift, a piece of valuable information, or a genuine compliment before making your request.
Make it unexpected: The more surprising the initial favor, the more powerful the reciprocity effect.
Personalize it: A generic freebie is nice, but a thoughtful, personalized gesture is unforgettable.

Real-life example: In one study http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1559-1816.2002.tb00216.x/abstract, waiters who gave diners a mint with their check saw their tips increase by 3%. When they gave two mints, tips went up by 14%! But here’s the kicker:

When waiters gave one mint, then turned back to give another while saying, “For you nice people, here’s an extra mint,” tips skyrocketed by 23%!

Action Step: Before your next important meeting or pitch, think of a small, unexpected favor you can do for the other person. It could be as simple as bringing them their favorite coffee or sharing a nice article!

The Power of Story

“The most powerful person in the world is the storyteller.” - Steve Jobs

Humans are hardwired for stories. We’ve been telling them around campfires for thousands of years, and for good reason - stories stick in our minds and touch our hearts in ways that facts and figures simply can’t.

Here’s how to harness the power of storytelling in your persuasion efforts:

Structure matters: Use the classic story arc - setup, conflict, resolution.
Make it personal: Share your own experiences or those of people your audience can relate to.
Use sensory details: Help your audience see, hear, and feel the story.
Connect to emotions: The most memorable stories evoke strong feelings.
Link to your message: Make sure your story reinforces the point you’re trying to make.

Here’s a quick example:

[Setup] A year ago, I faced a major challenge when our key supplier went out of business. [Conflict] Our project was on the brink of failure, and I felt completely overwhelmed. [Resolution] After many late nights and frantic calls, we found a new supplier just in time, and the project succeeded. [Make it Personal] This taught me the power of perseverance and teamwork. [Use Sensory Details] I still remember the stress and the joy when we resolved the issue. [Connect to Emotions] It was a rollercoaster of emotions, but the outcome was worth it. [Link to Your Message] This experience shows that determination and collaboration can overcome even the toughest challenges.

Want more? Check out our video on visual storytelling with Science of People founder, Vanessa Van Edwards, and Janine Kurnoff, author of Everyday Business Storytelling:

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) on Persuasion

How can I be persuasive without being manipulative?

To be persuasive without being manipulative, focus on transparency, honesty, and mutual benefit. Use techniques like storytelling to connect emotionally, provide social proof to build credibility, and frame your message positively. Always ensure that your persuasion aligns with the other person’s best interests.

What is the most effective persuasion technique?

The most effective persuasion technique often depends on the specific situation and audience. However, storytelling is consistently powerful across various contexts. Stories engage emotions, are memorable, and can effectively illustrate benefits or consequences, making them a highly effective persuasion tool.

How can I improve my persuasion skills quickly?

To improve your persuasion skills quickly, focus on these actionable steps: 1) Practice active listening, 2) Develop your storytelling abilities, 3) Study and apply the principle of reciprocity, 4) Use positive framing in your communication, and 5) Gather and effectively present social proof for your ideas or products.

Persuade Gracefully!

Now that you’ve finished, you’re on the way to becoming the next persuasive wizard!

Keep these pointers in mind:

Persuasion is the act of convincing someone to do or believe something, aiming to change their attitude or behavior.
It can be delivered through spoken or written words, conveying information, feelings, or reasoning.
Effective persuasion involves behavioral techniques like using a value proposition and triggering the golden question.
Ethical persuasion ensures integrity while communicating, avoiding manipulation.
The ultimate goal of persuasion is to frame your message as beneficial to the audience, aligning with their interests or needs.

For further reading, check out: Charisma Quiz: What’s Your Communication Style?