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Mental Load: Signs, Impacts & 10 Ways to Reduce It

Science of People Team 20 min read
In This Article

Are you feeling mentally depleted? Explore practical strategies to alleviate stress, regain control, and create a more harmonious and fulfilling lifestyle.

Do you lie awake mentally rehearsing tomorrow’s to-do list, feeling like the only one who remembers the details? If that sounds familiar, you’re carrying mental load—and it’s time to learn how to share it effectively.

Research shows women and mothers shoulder the majority of mental load, leading to higher rates of stress, burnout, and sleep issues. A 2024 study found that mothers handle 71% of household “mental load” tasks compared to fathers’ 29%. But with the right strategies, you can reduce that burden dramatically and feel lighter almost immediately.

What Exactly is Mental Load? A Clear Breakdown

Mental load refers to the cognitive effort required to complete a task or manage a situation. It includes the actual work that needs to be done and all of the mental preparation and organization that goes into completing the task. Also known as “invisible work” or “cognitive labor,” mental load encompasses the unpaid work of planning, organizing, and monitoring everything from household chores to family schedules.

As sociologist Allison Daminger, PhD, explains in her research on household cognitive labor: “The data demonstrate that cognitive labor entails anticipating needs, identifying options for filling them, making decisions, and monitoring progress.”

For example, planning a dinner party involves cooking the food, making a guest list, buying groceries, setting the table, and coordinating with guests. All of these tasks add to the mental load, which can become overwhelming if not managed properly.

The cognitive labor of completing tasks for a dinner party includes:

  • Anticipating needs: What are people’s dietary restrictions?
  • Identifying options to meet those needs: What meals might guests enjoy?
  • Making decisions: What meal will accommodate the most people?
  • Monitoring progress: Tracking shopping, invitations, guests, meal prep, etc.

Professor John Sweller, PhD, who originated Cognitive Load Theory, defines it this way: “Cognitive load is used to characterize the load that performing a particular task imposes on the learner’s cognitive system.” When applied to daily life, this means every scheduling decision, every remembered appointment, and every anticipated need draws from your finite mental resources.

Without efficient systems, routines, and support, mental load can cause increased stress, fatigue, burnout, reduced performance, and health-related issues. Unfortunately, most of those who struggle with heavy mental load are women and mothers, partly due to societal pressures and expectations that position women as primary caregivers.

A 2023 survey found that the average mother reported responsibility for 7 out of 10 household and caregiving tasks, while the average father reported just 4.5 out of 10—with mothers also reporting substantially more “worrying” and “planning.”

Mental Load Self-Check: Take This Quick Quiz

If you’re experiencing any of the symptoms described above, it’s likely you struggle with mental load. Here is a checklist to help you determine if it’s time to seek support:

  • Do you feel like you’re constantly thinking about everything that needs to be done?
  • Does your to-do list feel never-ending?
  • Do you feel like you’re the only one who knows what needs to be done?
  • Do you feel resentful toward your partner or team for not being more supportive?
  • Do you have trouble relaxing or taking time for yourself?
  • Do you feel like you’re frequently forgetting something you might have missed?
  • Do you feel easily irritable or stressed?
  • Do you have trouble sleeping?

If you answered yes to two or more of these questions, you’re likely someone who struggles with mental load. Let’s look at ways to relieve the stress and take some weight off your shoulders!

Wondering how your personality might influence your mental clarity?

Mental Load in Real Life: Home and Work Examples

The mental load can be experienced in every aspect of life, including the workplace and home. Here are examples of mental load in these settings:

Mental Load in the Workplace

Professor Michael Kennedy, PhD, from the University of Virginia, offers this analogy: “Imagine your cognitive capacity, or mental load, as a bank account. Every task and bit of new information you process draws funds from that account. Some tasks are more expensive than others, but everything has a cost—and the funds are finite.”

Workplace mental load includes:

  • Project management: Planning and coordinating complex projects, assigning tasks, tracking progress, and meeting deadlines.
  • Decision-making: Making important decisions that have far-reaching consequences, such as budget allocation, resource allocation, or strategic planning.
  • Team coordination: Mentally juggling multiple team members’ schedules, roles, and expectations to ensure effective collaboration and productivity.
  • Problem-solving: Analyzing and finding solutions for unexpected challenges or conflicts that arise in the workplace.
  • Client or customer management: Managing client relationships, addressing concerns, and meeting needs.
  • Multitasking: Balancing multiple tasks simultaneously, such as attending meetings, responding to emails, and handling urgent requests.

Mental Load at Home

Home-based mental load often falls into the category of invisible work—tasks that keep a household running but rarely receive recognition:

  • Household management: Planning and organizing household chores, meal preparation, and grocery shopping, as well as managing bills and finances.
  • Childcare and parenting: Coordinating children’s schedules, school activities, and doctor’s appointments and managing their overall well-being.
  • Emotional labor: Providing emotional support to family members, listening to their concerns, and maintaining relationships.
  • Life administration: Planning and organizing family events, social engagements, vacations, and coordinating with extended family members.
  • Home organization: Managing clutter, cleaning, and maintaining a tidy living space.
  • Personal care: Balancing personal well-being, including self-care activities, exercise, and managing emotional health.

These examples demonstrate the mental load individuals experience in both professional and personal settings, highlighting the need for effective strategies to manage and distribute the mental load so it doesn’t negatively impact well-being.

Signs You Are Experiencing High Mental Load

How do you know when mental load has crossed from manageable to overwhelming? Watch for these warning signs:

Cognitive symptoms:

  • Racing thoughts, especially at night
  • Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
  • Forgetting important tasks or appointments
  • Feeling like your brain never “turns off”

Emotional symptoms:

  • Irritability or frustration over small things
  • Resentment toward partner or family members
  • Anxiety about things left undone
  • Feeling underappreciated or invisible

Physical symptoms:

  • Tension headaches or muscle tightness
  • Difficulty falling or staying asleep
  • Fatigue despite adequate rest
  • Stress-related digestive issues

Behavioral symptoms:

  • Snapping at loved ones
  • Withdrawing from social activities
  • Procrastinating because everything feels overwhelming
  • Inability to relax during downtime

A 2025 study found that invisible labor scores significantly correlated with burnout (r=0.321, p=0.036) in working mothers of young children—confirming that the burden of mental load has measurable consequences.

The Hidden Toll of Mental Load on Your Health

Mental load can significantly impact health and well-being if left unmanaged. Professor Kennedy notes: “All humans are limited in how much information they can process at any given moment. When cognitive resources are depleted, learning cannot occur, and performance is impaired.”

Here are the specific health effects of mental load:

  • Stress: Mental load can be a source of chronic stress, requiring constant thinking and planning for the future. This can lead to feelings of anxiety, worry, and fatigue.
  • Burnout: A 2020 study of dual-earner couples found that women who reported doing a greater proportion of household cognitive labor experienced higher emotional exhaustion, lower career resilience, and greater intentions to quit their jobs.
  • Sleep deprivation: Mental load can make sleeping difficult, as people lie awake worrying about everything they need to do. This creates a cycle of fatigue, irritability, and difficulty concentrating.
  • Physical health problems: The chronic stress from mental load can contribute to headaches, stomachaches, high blood pressure, and weakened immune function. A Gallup survey found that 63% of U.S. women say it is hard to make their health a top priority, with 60% citing mental and emotional health as a barrier.
  • Relationship strain: The mental load can strain relationships, as the person carrying it may feel resentful and unsupported. This can lead to arguments, disagreements, and even separation.

Mental Load in Relationships and Partnerships

Mental load in a relationship refers to the cognitive and emotional work of managing shared life together—knowing what needs to be done, when, and how, even when your partner is willing to help. The partner carrying mental load becomes the “household manager,” responsible for remembering, planning, delegating, and following up on everything.

How to Explain Mental Load to Your Partner

Many partners genuinely don’t recognize mental load because the work is invisible. Here’s how to explain it clearly:

Use concrete examples: Instead of “I do everything,” try: “I’m the one who notices we’re low on milk, adds it to the list, remembers the list, and makes sure we have milk before breakfast. You drink the milk. The noticing and planning part is what I mean by mental load.”

Distinguish between doing and managing: “When I ask you to schedule the kids’ dentist appointments, I’m still managing—I remembered they’re due, knew they needed scheduling, and delegated it. True sharing means you’d remember on your own.”

Focus on impact, not blame: “I’m not saying you don’t help. I’m saying my brain never gets to rest from tracking everything. I’d love for us to figure out how to share that mental space.”

How to Share Mental Load with Your Partner

Sharing mental load requires more than splitting tasks—it means transferring full ownership of specific domains:

  1. Identify domains, not tasks: Instead of “help with laundry,” assign complete ownership: “You’re in charge of all laundry—noticing when it’s needed, buying detergent, doing and folding it.”
  2. Accept different standards: Your partner may not do things exactly your way. Unless there’s a safety issue, let go of how things get done.
  3. Establish “no questions asked” zones: When your partner owns a domain, they handle it completely—without asking you for guidance.
  4. Create weekly syncs: Use the checklist in Strategy #1 to stay aligned without one person managing the other.

Research from the Journal of Marriage and Family shows that mothers are substantially more likely than fathers to carry “core” mental load—the ongoing planning and monitoring across routine household and childcare tasks. Actively redistributing this invisible work requires intentional effort from both partners.

Mental Load of Motherhood and Parenting

The mental load of motherhood encompasses the constant cognitive work of raising children—remembering pediatrician schedules, knowing which child prefers which sandwich, tracking developmental milestones, maintaining family relationships, and holding the emotional temperature of the household.

A 2025 study found that mothers have 67% more tasks on their “mental to-do list” than fathers—an average of 13.72 tasks compared to 8.2 for fathers. This disparity persists even when mothers work full-time or earn more than their partners.

How Do Moms Deal with the Mental Load of Motherhood?

Strategies that help:

  • Lower the bar on “good parenting”: Perfection isn’t possible. Prioritize presence over Pinterest-worthy execution.
  • Create routines that run themselves: Consistent schedules reduce decision fatigue. Wednesday is always taco night. Backpacks go by the door. Predictability lightens load.
  • Involve kids early: Age-appropriate responsibilities teach independence and reduce what you need to track. A 7-year-old can pack their own lunch with guidance.
  • Build a village: Trade carpool duties. Share meal prep with another family. Accept help without guilt.
  • Communicate with your partner: Use the strategies in the section above to redistribute—not just delegate—the cognitive labor of parenting.

10 Practical Steps to Offload Your Mental Load

Managing mental load can help reduce stress, improve productivity, and create better work-life balance. Here are strategies to help manage mental load:

#1 Get in Sync with Your Team or Partner

Those taking on the mental load of caring for a team or a household may often resent their partner or colleagues for not sharing the load. So it’s important to communicate regularly and seek support. Your partner or team may not realize the weight on your shoulders.

To reduce that weight, build communication into your routine and check in regularly. Go through a support checklist with your partner or team each week:

  • How are you feeling this week?
  • What specific challenges are you facing this week?
  • How can I support you this week?
  • What is essential this week?
  • What can be taken off your plate or delegated?
  • What concerns, ideas, or dilemmas are on your mind?
  • What personal care activity are you engaging in this week? And how can I help give you time for that?
  • How can we improve our communication and support of each other?

As you communicate your needs, use “I” statements. For example, instead of saying, “You never help me prepare the presentations for clients,” try: “I feel overwhelmed preparing presentations on my own, and I could use some support. Can you be in charge of the research portion?”

The goal is to foster open communication, empathy, and collaboration. Adjust the questions to suit your unique needs and challenges.

#2 Let Go of Perfection and Focus on Your Strengths

Striving for excellence is admirable. However, it can lead to burnout, especially when pursuing perfection. Those who pursue perfection often shame themselves for not being “good enough” at everything, which can contribute to depression and anxiety.

Here’s the good news: Perfection isn’t attainable. You have permission to let it go, celebrate progress, and get a little messy along the way!

Try this exercise to explore your strengths:

  • Reflect on activities and tasks where you feel fully engaged or most energized. What do you enjoy about these activities? Make a list and note common themes.
  • Then reflect on what activities drain you most. What about these activities is depleting? Make a list and note the themes.

Pro Tip: Use Vanessa Van Edwards’s Alphabet Work method from Captivate to identify what tasks play to your strengths and what you can delegate to others.

The things that drain you may energize someone else. While you can’t delegate everything, you’ll have a better idea of where you find enjoyment—and can let go of perfectionism in areas that tend to drain you.

Pro Tip: Take a strengths assessment like Gallup’s CliftonStrengths to discover your strengths in depth.

#3 Let Go, Delegate, and Trust

Delegating tasks and trusting others to carry them out is crucial for effective teamwork and reducing mental load. But it can be tough, especially if you struggle with letting go of perfection or control. It takes practice to accept that others may not do things exactly your way.

Here are strategies to help you delegate and build trust:

  • Clearly define the problem: When delegating, be clear about the issue and desired outcome. You don’t necessarily need to provide exact steps—this allows people to take ownership.
  • Let people surprise you: Trust that the person has the skills to succeed. Let go of the urge to micromanage.
  • Create a mistake bucket: View mistakes as learning opportunities. Write down mistakes and what you learned from them.

Building trust involves clear communication, support, and allowing others to demonstrate their abilities.

#4 Create a Routine with Time-Blocking

Establishing regular routines can streamline your tasks and make them more manageable. Use the time-blocking method to set specific times for work tasks, household chores, and personal time. Time-blocking means treating your time like a budget and identifying your capacity.

To start time-blocking:

  • List all your priorities and goals across areas of life: personal, work, family, friends, spiritual, and passion.
  • List all activities and tasks needed to accomplish those goals (don’t forget rest and fun!).
  • Rank your list by importance (note that importance may change weekly).
  • Estimate how much time you need for each task. For example, 30 minutes daily for exercise.
  • Set a priority “appointment block” for one to two hours daily when you feel most focused.
  • Name your priority blocks with activities from the top of your list.
  • Fill in the rest of your week including commutes, eating, and breaks. Keep blocks focused on one or two activities at a time.

By setting dedicated time blocks for priorities, you can reduce mental load during other parts of your day and identify when you’re carrying too much.

#5 Break Tasks into Smaller Steps

Research shows that complex tasks can feel overwhelming, adding to mental load. Break them into smaller, manageable steps, and consider what pieces you can delegate. To do this:

  • Envision success: Picture your completed project. Write what success looks like and the project’s purpose.
  • Categorize elements: Work backward and categorize into buckets: tools needed, support required, budget, etc.
  • Write down each task: Under each category, write every task that takes up to 20 minutes.
  • Review and prioritize: Prioritize based on urgency and importance.
  • Plot your tasks: Schedule tasks on a calendar within your deadline. Adjust for delays.

Pro Tip: Break down big projects with a partner or team to share the mental load weight.

How To Set Better Goals Using Science

Do you set the same goals over and over again? If you’re not achieving your goals—it’s not your fault!

Let me show you the science-based goal-setting framework to help you achieve your biggest goals.

#6 Prioritize Self-Care and Self-Compassion

Research shows that prioritizing self-care activities reduces stress and recharges energy. Engage in activities that promote relaxation—exercise, meditation, hobbies, or time with loved ones. When you show up for yourself, you can better care for others.

If prioritizing self-care is new to you, start small:

  • Incorporate small moments of self-care: Self-care doesn’t have to be elaborate. Take short breaks to stretch, practice deep breathing, or enjoy a few minutes of mindfulness.
  • Seek support: Reach out to friends or family for accountability. Share your self-care goals and ask for their support.

Prioritizing self-care andself-compassion is an ongoing practice. By nurturing yourself, you build resilience and better manage mental load.

#7 Automate and Streamline Tasks with Technology

Identify tasks that can be automated or streamlined. Use technology like scheduling apps, task management tools, or meal planning apps to simplify repetitive tasks.

Helpful programs and apps:

#8 Learn to Say “No”

Setting boundaries can be tough. But it’s okay to prioritize your needs. Saying no doesn’t make you a bad person—it permits others to care for themselves too.

To learn to say no:

Understand your priorities and limits through self-awareness. Pay attention to feelings when requests are made. Notice when you feel overwhelmed or drained. This helps identify when to say no.

Set boundaries proactively. Rather than waiting for others to infringe on your boundaries, establish and communicate them. Define your limits and make them known. For example, make it clear that Saturday nights are family nights.

Offer alternatives when you can’t help. This maintains positive relationships while respecting your limits.

Setting boundaries and saying no is a skill that develops with practice. By prioritizing well-being and establishing clear boundaries, you create healthier relationships and manage mental load more effectively.

#9 Practice Mindfulness

Cultivate mindfulness techniques like deep breathing or meditation to calm your mind and reduce mental clutter. This enhances focus and helps you manage mental load.

Tips for incorporating mindfulness:

  • Start with your breath: Take deep breaths, paying attention to air entering and leaving your body. Use breath as an anchor to the present moment.
  • Engage your senses: Notice sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and textures around you.
  • Practice mindful eating: Slow down and experience your meals fully. Chew slowly and savor each bite.
  • Cultivate non-judgmental awareness: Observe thoughts and feelings without labeling them good or bad.
  • Use guided meditation: Apps like Calm or Headspace support your mindfulness journey.
  • Create reminders: Set cues throughout your day—a phone chime, sticky note, or mindfulness with specific activities like brushing teeth.

Mindfulness is about cultivating non-judgmental awareness of the present moment. Integrating these tips gradually enhances your practice.

#10 Regularly Reassess and Adjust

Periodically evaluate your responsibilities, commitments, and tasks. Assess whether adjustments can distribute mental load more evenly or eliminate unnecessary burdens.

  • Schedule time to assess: Set aside dedicated time weekly, monthly, or quarterly. Evaluate what’s working and what needs adjustment.
  • Clarify your goals and priorities: Revisit goals to ensure they align with current circumstances.
  • Seek feedback: Ask trusted individuals for their perspective on blind spots.
  • Embrace a growth mindset: View reassessment as an opportunity for learning and refinement.
  • Start small and iterate: Make small adjustments rather than complete overhauls. Observe impact and refine continuously.

Managing mental load is an ongoing process requiring self-awareness, effective communication, and willingness to seek support.

Grab our Mental Load Workbook to put these tips into action right away.

Understanding the 3 Types of Mental Load

Cognitive load theory—a well-established framework in psychology—identifies three types of cognitive load (intrinsic, extraneous, and germane) that can be analogous to aspects of everyday mental load:

Intrinsic Load

Intrinsic load is the inherent complexity of the task at hand. This type is determined by the amount of information that needs to be processed and the task’s difficulty level. For example, if you’re helping your child with calculus homework, you may need considerable mental effort to understand complex topics.

Extraneous Load

Extraneous load refers to unnecessary cognitive effort required due to poor design or external distractions. For example, you might be cooking a new recipe while entertaining guests and responding to text messages. The additional demands increase the extraneous load of cooking.

Germane Load

Germane load is the cognitive effort required to understand and learn new information. This mode is essential for learning and problem-solving. Trying a new hobby that requires learning new skills challenges you to master something new and can improve cognitive abilities.

Mental Load Takeaway

Managing mental load starts with recognizing it exists—then taking intentional steps to lighten and share the burden. Here are your action steps:

  1. Schedule a weekly support check-in. Connect with others about where you’re at and how to share responsibilities.
  2. Let go of perfection and focus on strengths. Focus on what you do best and release the rest.
  3. Delegate and trust. Give up control and empower others to take full ownership.
  4. Create a routine with time-blocking. Clarify boundaries in your calendar.
  5. Break tasks into smaller steps. Reduce overwhelm with manageable goals.
  6. Prioritize self-care. Make time for yourself—you can’t pour from an empty cup.
  7. Automate with technology. Free your brain for what matters most.
  8. Learn to say “no.” Set boundaries to protect your priorities.
  9. Practice mindfulness. Declutter your mind to build resilience.
  10. Regularly reassess and adjust. Evaluate what’s working and what needs to change.

For more tips on building mental resilience, check out Mental Strength: 7 Tips to Develop Rock-Solid Discipline.

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