10 Easy Tips On How to Be Friendly and Warm With Someone

Friendliness is a skill. Learn how to look friendly, start great conversations, and build genuine warmth with our simple, science-backed tips.

Have you ever felt more connected online, yet more disconnected in real life? That flicker of social awkwardness when making small talk is more common than you think. In a world of remote work and digital-first communication, our real-world social muscles can get weak, making simple friendliness feel like a challenge.

But friendliness isn’t a fixed personality trait—it’s a skill you can build. Forget vague advice like “just be yourself.” This guide provides simple, science-backed actions you can take today to build genuine warmth and connection in any situation.

Let’s get started!

3 Mindset Traits of a Friendly Person

Do you think like a friendly person? You might be missing a few key ingredients that truly friendly people have (and that’s okay—it’s a skill you can develop!).

Here are the three simple mental tune-ups that changed everything for me.

Assume Rapport

I used to walk into rooms thinking I had to earn my place, which made me tense and awkward. The fix was a simple rule: act as if you’re already liked. Assume rapport. When you enter a conversation assuming you’re among friends, you stop seeking approval and start sharing warmth.

Become Interested

If a conversation feels like a performance, it’s because you’re trying too hard to be interesting. Flip the camera around. Make it your mission to be interested. Get genuinely curious about the person in front of you. What’s their story? When you become a social detective, the pressure to perform vanishes, and you become instantly more engaging.

Turn Off The Spotlight

Ever stumble over a word and feel like a giant spotlight just landed on you? That feeling has a name—the Spotlight Effect—and it’s mostly an illusion. Realizing no one is replaying your minor fumble gives you the incredible freedom to be human, mess up, and just connect.

How to Look Friendly Before You Even Speak

The 3-Second Gaze

Ever get stuck in an eye contact tug-of-war? You lock eyes, and suddenly your brain short-circuits. You know it’s too long. They know it’s too long. But you’re both trapped in a silent, awkward staring contest.

We’re told eye contact is key, but nobody gives us the rules. Too little seems shifty; too much feels creepy.

The solution is the 3-Second Gaze.

It’s a fast way to nonverbally signal, “I’m with you. I trust you.” The sweet spot for that signal, before it gets weird, is about three seconds.

How to Do It (Without a Stopwatch):

Warm Your Eyes: Before you even look, think of something that makes you genuinely happy. A warm thought creates warm eyes.
Connect & Hold: Meet their gaze for about the time it takes to silently say to yourself, “It’s good to see you.” That’s your three seconds.
The Graceful Exit: Don’t dart your eyes away. End the gaze with a smile or a nod as you look to the side. Think of it as a conversational comma, not a hard stop.

This small tweak communicates confidence and warmth instantly. It transforms you from potentially creepy to instantly trustworthy!

Your Action Step: Try it today. With the barista, a coworker, anyone. Just a 3-second gaze, a smile, and a graceful exit. See what happens.

Activate the Eyebrow Flash

The eyebrow flash is a lightning-fast, universal human signal that says, “I see you, I recognize you, and I’m friendly.”

It’s one of the most honest social signals we have because it’s incredibly hard to fake. A genuine eyebrow flash is subconscious and usually lasts less than a second. It’s a fantastic tool because it’s a silent, warm greeting that instantly puts people at ease before you’ve even said a word. The key is to pair it with a genuine smile or nod.

You’re probably already doing it without realizing it. For example…

You see a coworker across the room, and it’s too far to shout hello. As you make eye contact, give them a quick eyebrow flash and a nod.
When a friend arrives at your door or a party, the eyebrow flash as you open the door says, “I’m so glad to see you!” before you can get the words out.
You walk past a dark shop window, catch your own reflection, and give yourself an instinctive eyebrow flash before you realize you’re just saying hello to… you.

Action Step: The next time you smile or greet someone, incorporate a split-second eyebrow flash. Want more on eye nonverbal body language? Check out our guide: How to Read People’s Eye Direction and Behavior With 34 Cues

The Upward Nod vs. The Downward Nod

Think about how many times you nod in a day. It’s automatic, right? But did you know that the direction of your nod sends a completely different message?

The Downward Nod is your classic nod. Chin moves down, then back up. It’s a nonverbal full stop. You use it to say “yes,” to confirm you understand, and to show you agree with what’s being said. It’s a gesture of certainty.

The Upward Nod is quicker, lighter. Your chin juts up slightly and comes back down. It’s the nonverbal equivalent of “What’s up?” or “I see you.”

Choosing the right nod is a social superpower:

Use the Downward Nod when you want to show conviction: “Yes, I agree.” “I understand the instruction.” “You can count on me.”
Use the Upward Nod when you want to appear friendly and low-pressure: Passing a neighbor while getting your mail, acknowledging a coworker as they enter a meeting, or giving someone the silent “go ahead” in a queue.

Action Step: For the rest of today, notice how you nod. Notice how others nod at you. Do you use the friendly upward nod to greet people, or do you default to the more serious downward nod? Deliberately try an upward nod when you pass someone and see what happens.

Master the Lean In

Imagine someone so captivated by your words they physically lean in, closing the space between you.

That magnetic pull is a leaning cue. It’s one of the most powerful and honest ways your body can say, “I’m with you. I’m fascinated. Tell me more.”

We are instinctively drawn to what we like and value. When you lean in while someone is speaking, you’re nonverbally highlighting their words. You’re telling them that what they’re saying matters, which makes them feel important.

A successful lean is subtle and timed perfectly:

It’s a Torso Thing: The magic is in a slight inclination of your upper body. Just a few degrees forward is all it takes to signal interest.
Time It with a Question: A pro-move is to lean in right as you ask a question. When they start to answer, hold that lean. This powerfully communicates that you genuinely care about their response.
The Virtual Lean: On a video call? You can still lean in. Move slightly closer to your camera when listening intently. This mimics the effect in person and shows you’re not multitasking off-screen.

How to Win People Over in 7 Seconds or Less

Radiate Warmth (Even Over Text and Email)

We’ve all gotten that one-line email. The one that feels cold, demanding, or just plain rude. But the sender probably thought they were just being efficient.

Instead of doing that, here are a couple of things I now do that have made a huge difference.

First, I add a small, human opening. Instead of just diving in, I’ll add something like, “Hope you’re having a great week,” before my request. It takes two seconds and acts as a buffer, softening the entire message.

Second, I use one, well-placed exclamation point. In an email, a period can sometimes feel like a slammed door. A single exclamation point on a closing line like “Thanks so much!” or “Talk soon!” can be friendly yet professional. It signals warmth and goodwill.

And finally, I use a warmer sign-off. “Best regards” is fine, but it’s robotic. “Cheers,” “All the best,” or even a simple “Thanks again” feels like it was written by an actual human being.

And if you want even more email tips, we have a ton for you: 23 Professional Email Tips to Craft Your Next Email

The Warm-Up Smile

The other day I was waiting for an elevator, and I caught my reflection in the polished steel doors. I honestly jumped a little. My face, which felt completely neutral on the inside, looked intense. My brows were furrowed, my lips were in a tight line—I looked like I was mentally wrestling a bear.

The worst part? The doors opened, my neighbor stepped out, and I had to instantly rearrange my face into a friendly shape. The smile felt fake, like a sticker I’d just slapped on.

Have you ever had that moment? You think you’re projecting a calm, neutral vibe, but your “resting face” is accidentally sending “do not approach” signals.

A real smile—the kind that reaches your eyes—isn’t a performance. It has to come from somewhere real. The secret isn’t to fake a smile, but to generate a real one before you even need it.

This is what I call the Warm-Up Smile.

The best part is that you can do this in the few seconds before you walk into a room, join a video call, or greet someone:

Find Your Happy Cue. You need a go-to thought that reliably brings a real smile to your face. For me, it’s the memory of my daughter trying to catch snowflakes. What’s yours? A funny line from a movie? The feeling of the sun on your face? Find that little spark of joy.
Let the Smile Unfold. Don’t force it. Bring your happy cue to mind and just let the smile happen. Feel it spread across your face, and pay attention until you feel that little tightening, that crinkle, at the corners of your eyes. That’s the good stuff.
Enter with the Afterglow. Now, let the big smile relax into a soft, pleasant expression. You’ve successfully preheated your face.

You’re left with an expression that is naturally open and approachable, making people feel instantly at ease around you!

Lead with a Low-Risk Compliment

I used to think the hardest part of meeting new people was the fear of rejection. But after years of studying interactions, I’ve realized it’s often the fear of being awkward. You’re standing there, you want to say something, but your brain cycles through a thousand terrible opening lines. “I like your smile” can feel too forward; “You have great eyes” can come off as creepy.

But what if there was a better way? There is—the Low-Risk Compliment.

Compliment a choice, not a trait.

Observe a Specific Choice. Look for something the person is wearing, carrying, or using that you genuinely like. A unique pair of sneakers, a cool laptop bag, an interesting piece of jewelry. The more specific, the better.
State the Compliment Simply. Don’t overdo it. A straightforward, “That’s a really cool bag,” or “I love your glasses,” is perfect.
Ask an Open-Ended Follow-up Question. This is the magic step that turns a passing comment into a conversation. The question opens the door for them to share something. For example:
- Instead of just, “Cool t-shirt,” try, “That’s a great t-shirt. Is it from a concert?”
- Instead of just, “I like your book,” try, “Oh, I’ve heard about that author. How are you finding the book so far?”

Offer a Conversation Spark

Conversations that feel like interviews are the worst. You ask a question, get a one-word answer, and the pressure is back on you. It’s because you’re only taking information.

The fix is to give a little something first. It triggers a powerful social reflex: people feel a natural urge to share after you’ve shared. I call this a Conversation Spark.

For example, don’t do this:

You: “Do you have any weekend plans?” Them: “Not really.” (Awkward silence)

Instead, offer a spark:

You: “I can’t wait to just unplug this weekend and read a book in the park. Do you have any relaxing plans?” Them: “Oh, that sounds nice. I was thinking of maybe checking out that new movie…”

Your challenge: The next time you ask a question, preface it with a tiny, related story about yourself.

And if you want to be the best, most captivating storyteller you can be, I highly recommend this resource:

How to Deepen a Conversation (and Go Beyond “So, What Do You Do?”)

You did it. You navigated the nonverbal cues, offered a warm smile, and successfully started a conversation. Now, the following techniques are your toolkit for building a bridge from “How are you?” to “Who are you?”

Choose Conversational Generosity

We often think that to be liked, we need to be impressive. We try to be the wittiest person in the room, the most knowledgeable, the one with the best stories. But this often backfires, making us seem competitive and self-absorbed. The counter-intuitive truth is that the fastest way to build a connection is through conversational generosity.

Conversational generosity is about giving, not taking.

You give your undivided attention instead of checking your phone.
You give someone the space to finish their thought without interrupting.
You give them the benefit of the doubt instead of jumping to conclusions.
You give the spotlight to them instead of trying to take it for yourself.

Because they feel so good in your presence, they start seeing you as a warm, confident, and supportive person. They, in turn, become more generous with you. This creates a self-reinforcing cycle of positivity and trust—a Generosity Loop.

Your Action Step: Find one opportunity today to be conversationally generous. Ask a colleague to elaborate on their idea in a meeting. Let your friend tell their full story. Laugh a little louder at someone’s joke. See how giving a little can get you a lot in return.

Become a Mirroring Master

Have you ever met someone and felt an instant, almost magical “click”? You can’t explain it, but it feels like you’re perfectly in sync. Chances are, that magic has a scientific name: The Chameleon Effect, more commonly known as mirroring.

Mirroring is the subconscious act of matching another person’s nonverbal behavior. When you subtly mirror someone’s posture, gestures, or vocal tone, you’re nonverbally telling their brain, “I’m with you. I’m on your side. We’re alike.”

Important Note: Please do not mirror someone like your life depends on it. The key to mirroring is to not overthink it—mirror sometimes, not every single move they make. Over time, the goal is to make mirroring part of your unconscious behavior.

You can use it with intention, however, to build connections faster.

If they lean back and cross their legs, wait 15-20 seconds, and then shift your own posture into a similarly relaxed position.
If they use a specific hand gesture to emphasize a point, incorporate a similar (but not identical) gesture into your own speaking a minute or two later.
If they speak in a soft, calm tone, resist the urge to be loud and boisterous. Match their energy level.

Want more? We have a whole guide on it here: Mirroring Body Language: 5 Steps To Successfully Mirror Others

Find the Uncommon Commonality

Most small talk is like sifting through gravel. We ask the same boring questions (“Any fun plans for the weekend?”) and get the same boring answers (“Not much, just relaxing.”). A true connection isn’t built on the fact that you both enjoy sunny weather; it’s built on something far more specific—the Uncommon Commonality.

A shared love for pizza is common.
A shared love for pineapple on pizza is a little more interesting.
A shared, secret belief that the best pizza is cold, leftover Hawaiian pizza eaten for breakfast? That’s an uncommon commonality. It’s a real bond.

So how do you find it? You have to go deeper than the first-level questions. Think of it like being a friendly detective and asking layered follow-up questions.

Let’s say you ask someone what they do for fun. They say, “I like watching movies.”

Layer 1 (The Gravel): “Oh, cool. Anything good lately?” (This is where most conversations die).
Layer 2 (Digging): “Nice. I’m a big movie fan myself. Are you more into the big blockbuster superhero stuff, or smaller indie films?”
Layer 3 (Finding the Gold): They say they love indie films. Now you can share something specific. “Me too! I’ve been on a huge 90s indie kick. Did you ever see the movie Go? It’s one of my all-time favorites.”

Whether they’ve seen it or not, you’ve just uncovered a rich goldmine of conversation that is far more memorable than just “I like movies!”

Become a Story-Slayer

Imagine you just ran your first 5k and you’re buzzing with excitement. You tell your friend, “I did it! I finished the race, I can’t believe it!”

And they immediately reply, “Oh, that’s great! That reminds me of the time I ran a half-marathon…”

Instantly, the air goes out of your balloon. This person is a Story-Topper. They’re often just trying to relate to you by finding a similar story in their own library of experiences. But the impact is that they’ve hijacked the spotlight. They’ve made your moment about them… and made you very sad, indeed.

To deepen a conversation, you must do the opposite. You must become a Story-Stayer. The antidote to story-topping is a simple two-step formula: Validate, then Inquire.

Validate: Honor their story first. Show them you’ve heard them and that their experience matters. Use positive phrases like, “Wow, that’s incredible,” or “That must have been so exciting,” or “I can’t even imagine how that must have felt.”
Inquire: Ask a follow-up question that keeps the spotlight on them. This is the crucial step. Ask about their feelings, their process, or the details. “What was the hardest part?” “How did you celebrate afterward?” “What was going through your mind when you crossed the finish line?”

Stay in their story for at least one or two more questions. Let them have their moment. There will be plenty of time to share your related experience later.

Use Emotional Bids for Connection

World-renowned relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman discovered that lasting connections aren’t built during big, dramatic moments. They are forged in tiny, mundane, everyday interactions he calls “bids for connection.”

A bid is any attempt from one person to another for attention, affirmation, or affection. It can be verbal or nonverbal.

“Wow, look at that sunset!” is a bid.
A heavy sigh after a long day is a bid.
Sending someone a funny meme is a bid.
Saying “I had the weirdest dream last night…” is a bid.

Gottman found that in a conversation, you have three ways to respond to a bid. You can “turn toward” it, “turn away” from it, or “turn against” it. People who are great at deepening connections are masters of turning toward the bids of others.

Let’s say your partner sighs and says, “I’m so exhausted.”

Turning Against: “Seriously? You think you’re tired? I’ve been running around all day!”
Turning Away: Ignoring the comment completely or giving a non-committal “Mmmhmm.”
Turning Toward: You stop what you’re doing, look at them, and say, “It sounds like you had a rough day. Want to talk about it?”

To deepen your conversations, start by noticing the tiny bids people make all around you and make a conscious effort to turn toward them. Over time, you’ll naturally change your behavior more to turn towards them and not away or against them.

FAQs (Frequently Asked questions) on Being Friendly

How can I be more friendly?

You can be more friendly by showing genuine interest in others. Practice active listening, ask open-ended questions about their interests, and make an effort to remember small details about them. Simple gestures, like offering a warm smile and making eye contact, can make you seem more approachable and open to connection, signaling that you are willing to engage in a positive way.

How do I learn how to be friendly with everyone?

Learning how to be friendly with everyone involves finding common ground and approaching interactions with an open mind. Look for shared interests or experiences, no matter how small. Treat every person with a baseline of respect and kindness, regardless of their background or your initial impressions. This universal approach helps break down barriers and makes others feel comfortable in your presence.

What does it mean to be a friendly person?

Being a friendly person means you have a welcoming and kind demeanor that puts others at ease. It’s characterized by being approachable, showing warmth, and demonstrating a genuine interest in the well-being and thoughts of others. A friendly person is typically positive, smiles often, and makes an effort to include people in conversations and activities.

How can I look friendly and more approachable?

To look friendly, pay attention to your body language. Maintain an open posture by uncrossing your arms, make gentle eye contact, and offer a natural smile. Avoid looking preoccupied with your phone when in social settings. These non-verbal cues signal to others that you are open to being approached and are interested in interacting.

Can you give some friendly examples in action?

Friendly examples include simple, everyday actions. For instance, greeting your neighbors when you see them, complimenting a coworker on a job well done, or striking up a light conversation with the cashier at a store are all practical examples. Holding a door open for someone or offering to help a person struggling with their groceries are also clear demonstrations of friendly behavior.

Your Blueprint for Building Genuine Connections

Becoming a genuinely friendly and warm person isn’t about faking a personality. As we’ve covered, it’s a skill set that you can learn and practice. True connection is built on a foundation of an open mindset, followed by intentional nonverbal cues and thoughtful conversation habits.

Here are the key takeaways to remember on your journey:

Start with Your Mindset: Before you act, think like a friendly person. Assume people already like you, get genuinely curious about them, and remember that the “spotlight” isn’t on you as much as you think.
Speak with Your Body Language: Your body sends signals before you even speak. Use the 3-Second Gaze to build trust, the Eyebrow Flash to show recognition, and lean in slightly to communicate instant engagement.
Lead with Warmth: Initiate conversations on a high note. Offer a low-risk compliment about a choice someone has made (like their bag or book) or use a Conversation Spark by sharing a small piece of yourself first.
Go Deeper than Small Talk: To build a real connection, become a “Story-Stayer” by asking follow-up questions instead of telling your own tale. Look for uncommon commonalities to create a unique bond.
Notice the Small Bids: Lasting relationships are built on small moments. Pay attention to the tiny “bids for connection” people make—a comment, a sigh, a shared laugh—and “turn toward” them to build trust.
Be Conversationally Generous: The fastest way to connect is to stop trying to be impressive. Give your full attention, give others the spotlight, and focus on making them feel valued.
Radiate Warmth Digitally: Remember that tone is lost in text. Use warm opening lines, friendly sign-offs, and the occasional exclamation point to ensure your emails and texts come across as warm as you are.

But what about understanding the people you’re connecting with on a deeper level? If you’re ready to take the next step and learn to decode the cues others are sending you, our ultimate guide on How to Read People is the perfect place to start.