Why is Making Good Eye Contact Important? What Science Says

Did you know that the average length of eye contact during conversation, according to research https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-023-38346-9, is just 3.5...

Did you know that the average length of eye contact during conversation, according to research https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-023-38346-9, is just 3.5 seconds? That’s right—those powerful moments of connection are shorter than the time it takes to say “Nice to meet you.”

If eye contact is so short during a conversation, is it really that important?

In this post, we’re going to unpack everything you need to know about the power of gaze. We’ll explore:

• Why eye contact makes you feel all tingly (hint: it’s not just in your head—there’s actual brain science behind it!)
• How long to hold someone’s gaze without veering into creepy territory
• The different types of eye contact and when to use them (yep, there’s more than one way to look at someone!)
• How to use your eyes to become a master communicator in any situation

Interesting Facts About Eye Contact:

Eye contact and gaze has been studied a lot. Here are soem fun facts about gaze and attraction to kick us off:

• Psychologist Arthur Aron https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0146167297234003 famously demonstrated that four minutes of uninterrupted eye contact could foster deep connections between strangers. Some participants even fell in love!
• Our pupils dilate https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6634360/ when we see someone we’re attracted to, a subtle signal that others subconsciously find appealing. It’s nature’s way of saying, “Hey, I like what I see!” A study by Eckhard Hess https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6634360/ in the 1960s showed that people rated faces with dilated pupils as more attractive than those without.
• Neuroimaging studies have shown that when we make eye contact with someone we’re attracted to, it activates the ventral tegmental area of the brain, which is associated with reward and motivation. This explains the “butterflies” feeling we get during intense eye contact.
• A study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that both men and women use prolonged eye contact as a way to signal attraction to potential partners.

Let’s dive in to how you should use gaze facts!

7 Quick Tips to Enhance Your Eye Contact Skills

Not all eye contact is created equal. Here are some specific techniques to help you level up your eye contact skills.

1. The Eyelash Technique: When direct eye contact feels too intense, focus on the person’s eyelashes instead. This creates the illusion of eye contact while reducing anxiety.
2. Triangle Method 2.0: Upgrade your eye contact game by adding the forehead to your visual triangle. Eyes, eyes, forehead—repeat. This creates intimacy without the romantic suggestion by including the mouth.
3. Gradual Exposure: Feel anxious by making direct eye contact? Start your eye contact journey with photos, graduate to TV characters, and before you know it, you’ll be winning staring contests with strangers.
4. Mirror, Mirror on the Wall: Who’s the best at eye contact of them all? You are! Practice with your reflection and watch your confidence soar. Just don’t fall in love with yourself—that’s a whole different blog post.
5. The Peripheral Vision Exercise: While maintaining eye contact, practice using your peripheral vision to describe the person’s surroundings. This helps reduce the intensity of direct gaze while improving overall awareness.
6. Blink and You’ll Miss It: Try to synchronize your blinks with the other person’s (without going overboard). This subconsciously creates a sense of rapport and connection.
7. 50 Shades of Iris: Challenge yourself to identify the exact shade and pattern of the other person’s iris. This gives you a focus point and can make prolonged eye contact feel more natural.

Want more tips? Check out our mega article: How To Make Unforgettable Eye Contact In Any Situation

13 Common Eye Contact Pitfalls and How to Avoid Them

1. DO: Make intermittent eye contact during conversations. DON’T: Stare unblinkingly at someone for extended periods. It’s not a contest, and you’re not a hypnotist.
2. DO: Break eye contact naturally every 5-10 seconds. DON’T: Dart your eyes around constantly like you’re watching a high-speed tennis match.
3. DO: Use the “triangle method” (alternating between eyes and mouth) in professional settings. DON’T: Let your gaze drop below the neck. That’s a one-way ticket to Creepville, population: you.
4. DO: Maintain culturally appropriate eye contact in diverse settings. DON’T: Assume your cultural norms for eye contact apply universally. In some cultures, less is definitely more (like we discussed in a previous section).
5. DO: Make eye contact when listening to show engagement. DON’T: Avoid eye contact completely when someone is speaking to you. It makes you look disinterested or shifty.
6. DO: Use eye contact to emphasize important points when speaking. DON’T: Stare intensely at one person in a group setting (unless you hate that person). Spread the love (and the eye contact) around.
7. DO: Practice comfortable eye contact duration (about 3-5 seconds at a time). DON’T: Engage in prolonged eye contact with strangers or in casual settings.
8. DO: Blink naturally during eye contact. DON’T: Forget to blink. Dry, unblinking eyes are the stuff of horror movies, not good conversation.
9. DO: Look away occasionally when thinking or processing information. DON’T: Break eye contact every time you’re asked a difficult question.
10. DO: Make eye contact when entering a room or greeting someone. DON’T: Avoid initial eye contact and then stare later. It’s the social equivalent of a jump scare.
11. DO: Adjust your eye contact based on the comfort level of the other person. DON’T: Force eye contact with someone who’s clearly uncomfortable. Respect personal boundaries.
12. DO: Use eye contact to show confidence in professional settings. DON’T: Overdo it in job interviews or meetings. There’s a fine line between confident and creepy.
13. DO: Practice eye contact in low-stakes situations to build comfort. DON’T: Avoid it altogether because it feels awkward. Like any skill, it improves with practice!

Remember, the key to good eye contact is balance. It should feel natural and comfortable for both parties. When in doubt, mirror the other person’s level of eye contact and adjust accordingly.

Eye Contact Does Change Your Brain (and body)

Ever wondered what’s really going on in your brain when you lock eyes with someone?

Let’s first talk about oxytocin. Often dubbed the “cuddle hormone” or “love drug,” oxytocin starts flowing when we make eye contact. It’s like your brain’s way of saying, “Hey, I like this person!”

There are other hormones acting in your brain, too:

1. Dopamine: This reward neurotransmitter makes eye contact feel good. Specifically, a study found that perceiving direct gaze from an attractive face activated the ventral striatum, which is associated with dopamine release.
2. Serotonin: While its role in eye contact is less direct, serotonin modulates social behavior.
3. Norepinephrine: This attention-boosting neurotransmitter kicks in during eye contact, enhancing focus and arousal.

When you make eye contact, your brain is lighting up like a Christmas tree. In fact, fMRI https://academic.oup.com/scan/article/14/9/967/5566553?login=false studies have shown that when we make eye contact, regions involved in social cognition, emotional processing, and attention light up.

Take-away: Eye contact matters and changes how you (and others) feel in an interaction - don’t ignore it!

How Long Should You Make Eye Contact for in a Conversation?

Too little eye contact, and your interaction falls flat. Too much, and things get weird, fast. So how do we find that sweet spot? Let’s explore the science of staring without scaring!

The 3-Second Rule: Research https://royalsocietypublishing.org/doi/10.1098/rsos.160086 suggests that the ideal length of eye contact is about 3 seconds. In this study, participants consistently rated a gaze of 3.3 seconds as the most comfortable. Any longer, and people started feeling uneasy. So, if you’ve been holding that gaze for the entire runtime of “Titanic,” you might want to dial it back a bit.

Face Gaze vs Eye Gaze:

• Face Gaze: This study found that during a 4-minute conversation between new acquaintances, mutual face gaze (looking at each other’s faces) constituted about 60% of the conversation time. This occurred in brief instances averaging 2.2 seconds. Likely you would have longer gaze with someone you know well (more research needs to be done as well!)
• Eye Contact: Actual mutual eye contact ranged from 0-45% of conversation time, happening in very brief instances.

The 60/45 Rule: While you don’t need to maintain constant eye contact, aiming to keep your gaze on the other person’s face for about 60% of the conversation seems to be typical. Within this face gaze, actual eye-to-eye contact may occur up to 45% of the time.

The “perfect” duration can vary depending on the situation:

1. Professional Settings: In job interviews or business meetings, slightly longer eye contact (4-5 seconds) can convey confidence and trustworthiness.

2. Romantic Interactions: Longer gazes are typically more acceptable (more on that later).

3. Public Speaking: Aim for 3-5 seconds per audience member before moving on. Any longer, and you might make individuals feel singled out.

4. Cultural Considerations: In some cultures, extended eye contact can be seen as aggressive or disrespectful. When in doubt, mirror the locals.

The 10 Different Types of Eye Contact

You might think eye contact is as simple as looking someone in the peepers, but there’s a whole spectrum of gazes out there. Let’s explore the different types of eye contact and when to use them:

The Classic Direct Gaze

What it is: Straight-up, pupil-to-pupil contact.

When to use it: During important conversations, to convey confidence, or to emphasize a point.

Fun fact: A study found that direct eye contact makes people more resistant to persuasion when they disagree with the speaker’s opinion. So maybe avoid this one when trying to convince your friend that pineapple belongs on pizza!

The Softening Triangle Gaze

What it is: Alternating between looking at each eye and the mouth, forming a triangle.

When to use it: To maintain engagement while reducing intensity, especially in professional settings or on first dates.

Pro tip: This technique is often used by news anchors to appear engaged with the camera without seeming too intense.

The Flirtatious Side Glance

What it is: A quick look from the corner of your eyes, often accompanied by a slight smile.

When to use it: To show interest in a romantic context or to share a secret moment with someone across the room.

Warning: Overuse can make you look shifty or insecure. Use sparingly for maximum impact!

The Thoughtful Broken Gaze

What it is: Making eye contact, then briefly looking away (often upwards) before re-establishing contact.

When to use it: When you’re processing information or formulating a response.

Research says: A study found that people tend to avert their gaze when answering difficult questions, likely to reduce cognitive load.

The Inclusive Scan

What it is: Moving your gaze from person to person in a group setting.

When to use it: During group conversations or presentations to engage everyone.

Pro tip: Aim for 3-5 seconds per person to make everyone feel acknowledged without singling anyone out.

The Powerful Glance Away

What it is: Brief eye contact followed by deliberately looking away.

When to use it: To show mild interest without full engagement, or to assert dominance in certain situations.

Caution: This one is not recommended to be used, and can be perceived as rude or dismissive if not used carefully.

The Intimate Prolonged Gaze

What it is: Extended eye contact lasting several seconds.

When to use it: In intimate settings with close friends, family, or romantic partners.

Fun fact: Prolonged eye contact releases oxytocin, the “bonding hormone.” One study found it can even synchronize blood flow in the brain between individuals!

The Submissive Downcast Eyes

What it is: Briefly making eye contact before looking down.

When to use it: To show respect in certain cultural contexts or to de-escalate tense situations.

Cultural note: In some Asian cultures, prolonged eye contact with superiors is considered disrespectful, making this gaze type more common.

The Skeptic Squint

What it is: Narrowing your eyes slightly while maintaining eye contact.

When to use it: To convey skepticism or intense focus.

Caution: Be careful with this one—it can easily be misinterpreted as hostility!

The Surprised Wide-Eyed Stare

What it is: Opening your eyes wider than normal during eye contact.

When to use it: To express surprise, excitement, or to emphasize a point.

Fun fact: Our eyes widen when we’re stimulated or interested, allowing us to take in more visual information.

Eye Contact in Everyday Interactions

From your morning coffee run to evening drinks with friends, let’s break down how to use your eyes effectively in various everyday scenarios.

While knowing how to use eye contact in everyday situations is helpful, there are way more body language cues than just eye contact! Check out our resource here for more:

Eye Contact in Attraction and Romance

Did you know that there are general “eye contact patterns” we might be able to recognize depending on the stage of romance?

The First Encounter

Use the Flirtatious Side Glance: A quick look from the corner of your eyes, paired with a slight smile.

Follow up with the Softening Triangle Gaze: Move your gaze from one eye to the other, then to the mouth and back up.

Pro Tip: Keep it subtle. You’re aiming for intriguing, not intense!

Early Stages of Attraction

Employ the Thoughtful Broken Gaze: Make eye contact, look away briefly, then reconnect.

Why it works: This creates an intriguing push-pull dynamic, making you appear confident yet slightly mysterious.

Deepening the Connection

Graduate to the Classic Direct Gaze: Maintain steady eye contact during conversations.

Mix in the Intimate Prolonged Gaze: But use it judiciously—it’s powerful stuff!

Relationship Booster: Try maintaining eye contact during meaningful conversations to deepen your bond.

Long-Term Relationships

Prioritize Regular Eye Contact: Couples who engage in mutual gaze report higher levels of love and affection.

Practice Shared Gaze: Known as “visual co-orientation, https://shareok.org/handle/11244/4768 ” looking at the same thing together can foster closeness.

Intimacy Enhancer: Maintain eye contact during physical intimacy to amplify emotional connection.

Pro Tip: Did you know looking sideways, looking up, and looking down all have different hidden meanings? Read more about them in our eye direction article: How to Read People’s Eye Direction and Behavior (34 Eyes Cues)

Eye Contact Across Cultures

Whether it’s eye contact in America or eye contact in Japan, different places usually signify different rules. Here are some general guidelines to consider depending on the area:

• Western Cultures (North America, Western Europe): Generally encourage direct eye contact. It’s viewed as a sign of confidence, honesty, and attentiveness. Lack of eye contact is often interpreted as disinterest or dishonesty, especially when compared https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4340785/ to some Eastern countries.
• East Asian Cultures (China, Japan, Korea): Often view prolonged eye contact as disrespectful https://www.thetravel.com/10-places-where-eye-contact-is-not-recommended-10-places-where-the-locals-are-friendly/ or aggressive. Children are typically taught to lower their gaze when speaking to elders. In Japan, focusing on the neck area is common during conversation.
• Middle Eastern Cultures: Eye contact between same-sex individuals is often more prolonged and intense than in Western cultures. Between opposite sexes, prolonged eye contact may be seen as inappropriate. In some Arab countries, intense eye contact from men towards women can be considered offensive https://virtualspeech.com/blog/cultural-differences-in-body-language.
• South Asian Cultures (India, Pakistan): Eye contact norms can vary greatly depending on the specific region and social context. Generally, prolonged eye contact between genders may be viewed as disrespectful. In professional settings, Western norms of eye contact are increasingly adopted.
• Latin American Cultures: Generally comfortable with more eye contact than in North America. Prolonged eye contact is often viewed as a sign of interest and engagement. Breaking eye contact too quickly might be interpreted as disinterest or untrustworthiness.

Remember, context matters! In many cultures, appropriate eye contact can depend on factors like age, gender, and social status. Furthermore, neurodivergent conditions like autism can affect eye contact comfort across all cultures.

The True Windows to The Soul

In this deep dive into the world of eye contact, we’ve explored everything from the science behind romantic gazes to cultural differences and practical techniques. Here’s a quick recap of the key takeaways:

• The Power of Gaze: Eye contact is a fundamental human behavior that can significantly impact our social interactions, from building trust to sparking romance.
• Cultural Awareness: Eye contact norms vary widely across cultures, making it crucial to be mindful and adaptable in diverse settings.
• The Science of Connection: Research shows that eye contact can trigger the release of oxytocin, activate reward centers in the brain, and even synchronize heart rates between individuals.
• Practical Techniques: From the “triangle method” to the “eyelash technique,” there are numerous strategies to improve your eye contact skills and make it feel more natural.
• Common Pitfalls: Avoiding extremes (like staring too intensely or constantly looking away) is key to effective eye contact.
• Context Matters: The appropriate level of eye contact can vary greatly depending on the situation, relationship, and cultural context.
• Practice Makes Perfect: Like any social skill, comfortable and effective eye contact comes with practice and self-awareness.

Ready to take your communication skills to the next level? Eye contact is just the beginning! To learn more about mastering nonverbal cues and becoming a true people-reading pro, check out our article on body language: 23 Essential Body Language Examples and Their Meanings.