Dining Etiquette: 14 Essential Tips to Perfect Table Manners

We've all been there—awkwardly handling chopsticks for the first time, puzzled by an array of cutlery, or just unsure of the proper manners. Whether you're...

We’ve all been there—awkwardly handling chopsticks for the first time, puzzled by an array of cutlery, or just unsure of the proper manners.

Whether you’re dining with your friends, family, or colleagues, here’s how you can make every meal enjoyable, relaxing, and respectful.

Here’s a quick summary of the article: Dining etiquette is key to making a good impression at any meal! Learn to handle utensils, understand table settings, and maintain polite conversation while respecting cultural customs.

Why Does Dining Etiquette Matter?

Food is a big deal to many of us, and cultures worldwide hold their food in high regard. When sharing a meal, it’s important to know and follow accepted customs. Good dining and drinking etiquette shows mutual respect and helps maintain a professional atmosphere.

Dining etiquette is the basic rules and customs you follow while eating with others. Different cultures have their own twists, but knowing the general guidelines is key.

Studies (source) have shown that people who show good dining etiquette are seen as more competent and likable. This positive perception can lead to better job opportunities because good manners can make a lasting impression during business meals and interviews.

In the business world, dining etiquette (or table manners) can provide you great opportunities to establish relationships, negotiate deals, and make positive impressions. It can significantly impact your professional interactions.

Here are some key benefits of dining etiquette:

• It builds strong relationships. Sharing a meal can create informal, relaxed conversations, helping to build stronger, more personal connections.
• It creates a good impression: Proper table manners show professionalism, confidence, and respect, enhancing your image and that of your organization.
• It negotiates deals: A dining setting can create a comfortable atmosphere for discussing business matters and negotiating deals.
• Understands cultural differences: Respecting dining customs from different cultures is vital in a global business environment.

Knowing how to handle different dining settings and glassware can make or break your impression and mastering it can boost your confidence and grace.

The Best Tips You Need to Master Dining Etiquette

How to Nail The Arrival

When you get to the event, greet your host and other guests warmly. If you’re unsure where to sit, wait for your host to guide you. At a large gathering, there might be place cards to help you find your seat.

On arrival, greet everyone with a firm handshake and introduce yourself to anyone you do not know. It is polite to remain standing until your host has taken their seat.

Example Scenario: You walk into a restaurant, and your host guides you to your table.

What to do:

• Arrive on time. Being punctual shows respect for the host and other guests.
• Wait for everyone to be seated before you sit down. If it’s a formal event, wait for the host to indicate where you should sit. If there’s a seating plan, follow it. If not, ask the host if there’s a preferred seating arrangement.
• Put your coat or shoes where other guests have put theirs or ask the host where you should put them.
• Put your phone on silent so it doesn’t interrupt a great conversation

Reminder: Don’t start eating until everyone has been served or unless the host gives permission, especially in formal settings.

Conversation Icebreakers

Great food is one thing, but sparkling conversation can truly make a dinner memorable! Let’s dive into some conversation starters that’ll keep the dialogue as delicious as the meal.

1. Shared interests: If you know you have something in common, use it! “How did you first get into [shared hobby]?” This creates an instant connection.
2. Travel tales: Everyone loves a good travel story. Try, “What’s the most interesting place you’ve visited lately?” It’s a great way to learn about new destinations and experiences.
3. Career curiosities: Show genuine interest with, “What’s the most exciting part of your job?” This can lead to great insights about different industries.
4. Pop culture: Keep it light with, “Seen any good movies or shows recently?” It’s an easy topic that most people can engage with.

For more interesting conversation starters, read on: 68 Killer Conversation Starters So You Can Talk to Anyone

Reminder: Always be a good listener! Ask follow-up questions and show genuine interest in the responses. Avoid controversial topics like politics or religion unless you know your dining companions very well.

Dinner Body Language

Sitting correctly can make a big difference in how you feel and how others perceive you at the dining table.

Here are some tips to help you sit properly and comfortably:

• Sit up straight: Keep your back straight and avoid slouching. Maintain a distance between yourself and the table that is about the length of your hand, but adjust for comfort.
• Bag placement: If you have a bag, place it at the back of your seat. Purse? Place it on your lap under your napkin or discreetly on the floor beside you, rather than on the table or the back of your chair. This keeps your space tidy and prevents any awkward distractions.
• Legs and feet: Avoid crossing your legs or moving them excessively. Keep your feet flat on the ground to maintain stability and prevent fidgeting.
• Hands: Refrain from placing your hands on your chin or leaning on your elbows. Instead, keep your hands in your lap when not eating, and place them lightly on the table when you are.

Have a work lunch or dinner around a board room table? Check out our video and article on seating:

Ordering the food

Many people might have trouble with this one—should you order cheap? Or the same thing as your host?

Follow these golden rules:

• Keep it simple: When in doubt, place a straightforward order. Avoid asking your server to explain everything on the menu, unless you have a particular food allergy or sensitivity. If you’re unsure, you might want to opt for something simple and not so unique: “I’ll have grilled chicken with vegetables, please.” This is a simple, easy-to-eat dish that won’t cause any distractions.
• Avoid expensive items: It’s considered impolite to order the most expensive item on the menu, especially if someone else is paying. Opt for something reasonably priced.

Reminder: If the host is ordering the filet mignon, it might be fine to follow their lead depending on your relationship to the host, but if they opt for a salad, choose something similar in cost and complexity. If the host is uncertain, feel free to make a safe suggestion, such as, “The grilled salmon looks good, doesn’t it?”

• Avoid “trouble” foods: Steer clear of foods that are difficult to eat, such as spaghetti or dishes with lots of bones. This prevents any awkward moments and keeps the dining experience smooth. Instead of ordering a messy burger, opt for something easier to handle like a boneless grilled salmon or chicken breast dish.

Napkin Know-How

Your napkin is not there for show or to keep your silverware warm. Its primary purpose is to protect you from potential messy food stains at the table. So, do not leave your napkin on the table for decoration.

As soon as you sit down, place your napkin on your lap. If it’s a large napkin, fold it in half in a rectangle or square shape. Keep it there throughout the meal, using it to gently blot your mouth as needed. If you need to leave the table, place your napkin on your chair, not the table. When you’re done with the meal, fold the napkin loosely and place it to the left of your plate, not on the plate.

Avoid this: Don’t tuck your napkin into your shirt like a bib as this is quite uncommon etiquette and usually appears messy.

For more great table manner etiquette, check out the below video:

Forks, Knives, and Spoons, Oh My!

Seeing different sizes or types of utensils at a formal dinner can be tricky, but understanding the basics can make a big difference.

Know these tips:

• Use utensils from the outside in. Start with the outermost utensils and work your way towards the plate.
• Remember, the fork is usually on the left, knife, and spoon on the right. The bread plate is usually on your left, and your drink is on your right.
• If you’re unsure, observe your host or wait until others begin using their utensils.

Pro Tip: Master the “b and d” Rule. To figure out which bread plate and drink are yours, make a circle with your index finger and thumb on each hand, forming a “b” with your left hand for your bread plate and a “d” with your right hand for your drink.

What about the different meanings of placing cutlery on your plate? While placing cutlery on your plate isn’t necessarily needed, it might be helpful to know common positions in case the opportunity arises:

For your reference, take a look on the image below:

P.S. If you’re looking to level up your people skills beyond table manners, we’ve got you covered:

Cutting and Eating Gracefully

It might seem basic, but how do you actually eat your food? And how do you hold the fork and knife? Look no further!

Action Steps:

• Wait for everyone to be served: Before you start eating, make sure everyone at the table has their food. This shows respect and patience.
• Take small bites: Chew with your mouth closed and avoid talking with food in your mouth. This keeps the conversation pleasant in case you need to speak at a given moment, and your appearance neat.
• Cut as you eat: Cut your food one piece at a time or just a few pieces ahead rather than cutting everything at once. This shows good manners and keeps your meal fresh.
• Avoid noises: When cutting the food, avoid making noises or dropping it. If using chopsticks, pick only a small portion of food each time and do not lift the bowl to eat the soup. Always remember which utensils are yours to avoid picking up someone else’s.

Pro Tip: Imagine you’re cutting into a delicious steak but are unsure how to hold your knife and fork properly. Hold the knife in your right hand and the fork in your left, with the tines facing down. Cut a few small pieces at a time, then switch the fork to your right hand to eat. If you’re left-handed, feel free to reverse this.

Reminder: Avoid making slurping or chewing noises (unless you’re in Japan eating in a ramen shop). It can be annoying and offensive to those around you.

Passing Food

Passing food at the table might seem simple, but it requires a touch of etiquette to ensure a smooth and polite dining experience.

Action Steps:

• You’ll usually want to pass food items to your right unless someone has already established a direction. This creates a smooth flow and prevents confusion at the table.
• If you need something that’s out of reach, politely ask for it to be passed to you.
• Avoid reaching across the table, as this can disrupt others and create a mess.
• Always use the serving utensils provided, not your personal utensils, to serve yourself from communal dishes. This is more hygienic and respectful to others.
• When passing condiments or bread, pass the entire item rather than just the container or the basket. This prevents multiple people from handling the same items unnecessarily.

Handling Common Situations:

• Dropped utensil: If you drop a utensil, don’t pick it up. Ask your host or a server for a replacement to maintain cleanliness and avoid disruption.
• Phone etiquette: Keep your phone on silent and off the table. If you must take a call, excuse yourself and step away to maintain focus on the meal and respect for your dining companions.
• Leaving the table: If you need to leave the table, say “excuse me” and place your napkin on your chair. This signals to others that you will return shortly and maintains the neatness of the table setting.
• Serving others first: When a dish is passed to you, offer to serve the person next to you before serving yourself. This is a courteous gesture that shows consideration for others.

Reminder: Always be mindful of your actions at the table to avoid causing any discomfort or disruption. A little courtesy goes a long way in creating a pleasant dining experience for everyone.

Balancing Talk and Taste

Food is great, but remember—great conversation can often make a stronger impression! Make sure to keep a balance between eating and talking. You don’t want to talk the night away and risk not feeling satiated, nor do you want to focus strictly on the food.

Example Scenario: When your food arrives mid-conversation, take small bites and chew with your mouth closed to quickly respond. Use pauses to take bites, keeping the conversation smooth. Make eye contact and avoid checking your phone or watch to stay attentive. This shows you’re a considerate and engaging dining companion.

Reminder: Avoid discussing sensitive topics, such as politics or religion. Also, avoid interrupting others and let them finish speaking before you respond. Always keep the conversation light and respectful. And if you’re looking for great conversation starters, look no further: 68 Killer Conversation Starters So You Can Talk to Anyone

Deep Dinner Conversation

Whether you’re dining à deux or at a bustling table for ten, there are some rules to follow depending on the group! Let’s take a look…

Intimate Dinner for Two: When it’s just you and one other person, the conversation can get deep and personal. This is your chance to really connect!

Action Steps:

1. Take turns: Aim for a balanced back-and-forth. If you’ve been talking for a while, pause and ask, “But enough about me, what’s your take on this?”
2. Go beyond small talk: Try questions like, “What’s been the highlight of your year so far?” or “If you could master any skill overnight, what would it be?”
3. Listen actively: Show you’re engaged by nodding, maintaining eye contact, and asking follow-up questions among other open body language cues.

Example Scenario: You’re having dinner with a potential business partner. After discussing work, transition with, “I’m curious, outside of the office, what passion projects are you working on?” This shows interest in them as a person, not just a professional contact.

Terrific Trio With three people, the dynamic shifts. It’s all about keeping everyone involved and avoiding any awkward third-wheel situations.

Action Steps:

1. Include everyone: If one person has been quiet, bring them in with a question like, “Sarah, what are your thoughts on this?”
2. Find common ground: Try, “What’s the most interesting place you’ve all traveled to?” This encourages shared storytelling.
3. Use open-ended questions: “If you could have dinner with any historical figure, who would it be and why?” This allows for creative, engaging responses from everyone.

Reminder: Be mindful of body language. Ensure you’re positioned to easily make eye contact with both people, creating an inclusive atmosphere.

Large Group Dynamics When you’re part of a bigger group, the conversation can be lively but challenging to navigate. Here’s how to keep it flowing smoothly:

Action Steps:

1. Break into smaller conversations: It’s natural for large groups to split into smaller chat clusters. Don’t feel pressured to include everyone in every discussion.
2. Be a conversation bridge: If you hear interesting points from different conversations, connect them. “John, I just heard Lisa mention something similar about…”
3. Use inclusive topics: “What’s the best advice you’ve ever received?” This type of question allows everyone to contribute without putting anyone on the spot.
4. Be aware of volume: In larger groups, it’s easy to get loud. Modulate your voice to be heard without shouting.

Pro Tip: In larger groups, it’s okay to have multiple conversations happening at once. Don’t feel the need to control or participate in every discussion. Focus on engaging meaningfully with those nearest to you.

FUN FACT: Research shows that in group conversations, people tend to speak to the person sitting opposite them more than those beside them. Keep this in mind when choosing your seat!

Bread Etiquette

Believe it or not, how you handle (or mishandle) your bread can speak volumes about your dining etiquette.

Common mistake to avoid: Buttering your entire piece of bread roll at one time can lead to a messy situation and make it difficult to manage your bread.

Action Steps:

• Locate your bread plate: Your bread plate is typically located to the left of your dinner plate. Familiarizing yourself with this can prevent any confusion or awkward moments.
• Transfer butter properly: Use your butter knife to transfer a small amount of butter to your bread plate. This allows you to butter your bread easily without passing the butter dish around constantly.
• Butter one piece at a time: Tear off a bite-sized piece of bread and butter each piece individually before eating it. This method ensures you eat what you butter and keeps your dining experience neat.
• Hold bread properly: Hold the small piece of bread with your fingers, not in your palm or on your plate. This keeps the bread clean and prevents crumbs from scattering.

Drinking Etiquette

How do you hold a wine glass? What are even the basic types of glassware you might find at a dinner event? Read on:

1. Wine Glasses:
   • Red Wine: Hold the glass by the bowl to warm the wine slightly, which releases the aromas.
   • White Wine: Hold the glass by the stem to keep the wine cool.
   • Sparkling Wine: Hold the flute by the stem to keep the bubbly drink at the ideal temperature.
2. Water Glasses:
   • Hold the glass near the base or lower part to avoid warming the water with your hand.
3. Cocktail Glasses:
   • Martini Glass: Hold by the stem to keep the drink cold.
   • Highball or Lowball Glass: Hold near the bottom part of the glass to avoid warming the drink.

Example Scenario: At a formal dinner, you are served a glass of chilled white wine. To hold the glass properly, grip the stem between your thumb and forefinger. This keeps the wine at the perfect temperature and prevents unsightly fingerprints on the bowl.

Reminder: Avoid gripping the bowl of a stemmed glass. This not only leaves fingerprints but can also change the temperature of the wine or drink, affecting its taste. Also, do not forget to wipe the rim of the glass after each sip if necessary, especially when wearing lipstick.

FUN FACT: Even non-alcoholic drinks have their etiquette. Hold a juice glass near the middle or bottom to keep it cool. For tea, use the handle to avoid burning your fingers and changing the tea’s temperature. When drinking soda from a wide-rimmed glass, hold it near the middle or bottom to keep it refreshing.

Phone Etiquette

Generally, it’s best to keep phones off the table to maintain a polite and engaging atmosphere.

Giving your full attention is a sign or respect. We understand you’re important, but so are the people around you. Constantly checking your phone or other belongings can come off as rude and disrespectful for them.

Action Steps:

• Remove all belongings: Clear the table of phones, purses, and other items to promote a unified and engaging atmosphere.
• Inform your companions: If you’re expecting an important call or text, it can be nice to inform your companions ahead of time. When the call comes, excuse yourself from the table to use your phone.
• Excuse yourself: If you must take a call, step away from the table to handle it privately. This shows consideration for others and keeps the conversation at the table uninterrupted.

From Spaghetti to Soup

Whether you’re served a challenging dish like spaghetti or a delicate bowl of soup, here’s what you need to know!

For Spaghetti:

• Twirl, don’t cut: Twirl a small amount of spaghetti onto your fork using a spoon to help guide it. Avoid cutting the spaghetti, as this can be messy and is considered poor etiquette.
• No slurping: Avoid slurping the spaghetti. Twirl manageable portions to prevent any splattering or awkward slurping noises.

For Soup:

• Spoon away from you: When eating soup, spoon it away from you and sip quietly from the side of the spoon. This technique helps prevent spills and maintains a clean eating experience.
• Cool naturally: Avoid blowing on the soup to cool it. Instead, wait for it to cool naturally to show patience and respect for the dining environment.

For Foods with Bones (e.g., Fish or Chicken):

• Use knife and fork: Use your knife and fork to carefully separate the meat from the bones. You might benefit from practicing beforehand if you’re new to this.
• Place discarded bones properly: Place any discarded bones on the edge of your plate, not on the table or another dish.

Signal When You’re Done

Do not forget to thank your host by name. Offer a firm handshake while maintaining eye contact. Later, you might want to even follow up with a thank-you email or a written note to express your appreciation.

Example Scenario: When you’re already done with your meal. Place your knife and fork parallel on your plate, with the handles at the four o’clock position and tips at the ten o’clock position. This signals to the waiter that you’re finished. If you’ve used a spoon or other utensils, place them on the plate or bowl they were used with. Do not push your plate away or stack dishes; leave them where they are for the waitstaff to clear.

Who Pays and How?

Before you pay, be aware of any cultural customs related to paying for a meal. In some cultures, it’s customary for the host to pay, while in others, splitting the bill is the norm.

Familiarize yourself with these general customs to avoid misunderstandings.

Action Steps:

• Inform the waiter: If you’re the host or know you’re going to pay, make it clear beforehand that you’ll be covering the bill. You can subtly inform the waiter ahead of time to bring the check directly to you, such as saying  “Excuse me, I’ll be taking care of the bill today. Could you bring it to me when we’re ready?”
• If not the host: If it’s your boss or manager, you’re usually not expected to pay. Otherwise, offer to split the bill or take turns paying on different occasions. Always show appreciation if someone else pays. You can say,  “Thank you for dinner, I’d love to get the check next time.”
• Tipping: Depending on the restaurant and service, tip the waiter well. In many places, a tip of 15-20%https://time.com/6952788/tipping-habits/ of the total bill is customary. Handle tipping discreetly to maintain a professional demeanor.
• If the service was bad: If the service was poor, you can reflect this in your tip, but still, maintain a level of fairness. Reducing the tip is acceptable, but avoid completely skipping it unless the service was extraordinarily bad.

More Unwritten Rules for the Best Dining Etiquette

There are rules of etiquette that have nothing to do with the placement of the forks or remembering to say “please.” When dining at a restaurant, these rules are often missed, and quite often, some diners need reminding.

• Honor your reservation. If you have a reservation, treat it like a commitment. Running late? Call the restaurant to let them know. Arriving on time avoids stress for everyone.
• Do not be rude to the staff if you’re waiting too long. On busy nights, wait times can be just estimates. Be patient and understanding, the staff can’t control how long others stay.
• Photograph etiquette. While it’s tempting to snap photos of your meal, remember that flash photography can disturb other diners. Enjoy your food and share the memories later.
• Avoid blaming the server. If your meal isn’t great, remember the server isn’t responsible for kitchen issues. Voice your concerns calmly and tip based on the service, not the food quality.
• Tip generously: Using a coupon or special offer? Tip based on the original price. The staff works just as hard regardless of discounts.
• Respect Closing Times: Arriving just before closing time is inconsiderate. The staff lives outside of work too. Choose a restaurant that stays open later if you’re dining late.

The best dining etiquette can revolve around consideration and kindness. Restaurant work is tough, and a little etiquette can make everyone’s experience better.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) on Dining Etiquette

Is it okay to take photos of my food at a restaurant?

Yes, but be mindful of your surroundings. Avoid using flash as it can disturb other diners. Try to keep your photo-taking brief and discreet to maintain a pleasant dining atmosphere for everyone.

How should I address a problem with my meal?

Politely inform your server about the issue. Remember, they aren’t responsible for what happens in the kitchen, but they can help address your concerns. Stay calm and courteous, and tip based on the service provided.

Is it rude to arrive at a restaurant just before closing time?

Yes, it’s generally inconsiderate to arrive right before closing. The staff has other commitments and would appreciate finishing on time. Opt for a restaurant that stays open later if you’re dining late.

What should I do if my dining companion has poor table manners?

Lead by example and maintain your own good manners. If appropriate, gently and privately suggest more courteous behavior. In a business setting, focus on your own etiquette to leave a positive impression.

How can I improve my dining etiquette for business meals?

Focus on being polite, attentive, and considerate. Follow basic table manners, engage in pleasant conversation, and avoid controversial topics. Your behavior at the table can leave a lasting impression, so stay professional and courteous.

Dining Etiquette is an Art

Remember to eat delicately and enjoyably to make a good impression on everyone around you! Here are some key takeaways to remember:

• Always finish chewing before speaking to avoid unpleasant sights and sounds.
• Politely ask someone to pass the item you need instead of reaching over.
• Always chew with your mouth closed to maintain a pleasant dining atmosphere.
• Place your napkin on your lap instead of tucking it into your shirt.
•  Keep your elbows off the table to avoid appearing sloppy.
• Always thank your host or hostess for the meal and their hospitality.
•  Wait for hot food to cool naturally or take small bites instead of blowing on it.
• Avoid making unnecessary noise with your dishes as it can be distracting and rude.
• Take small, manageable bites to prevent overfilling your mouth.
• Keep your hands and hair away from your face while eating.
• Even if you don’t like a dish, refrain from making negative remarks.
• Wait until others have finished chewing before engaging in conversation.
• Familiarize yourself with the proper use of utensils for each meal.
• Avoid burping or belching; it’s considered impolite.
• Keep your phone out of sight to avoid distractions and show respect for your dining companions.

Good table manners are about showing respect and making everyone feel comfortable. By following these simple guidelines, you’ll be a delightful guest at any dining event.

So, the next time you’re invited to dinner, relax and enjoy the company, knowing you’ve got the etiquette part down. Cheers!

For more helpful tips on mastering tip etiquette, try this: Tipping Etiquette: Every Situation You’ll Ever Need to Know

Source:

• Joly, J. F., Stapel, D. A., & Lindenberg, S. M. (2008). Silence and Table Manners: When Environments Activate Norms. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 34(8), 1047-1056. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167208318401