9 Types of Difficult People and How to Deal With Them

Tired of difficult people? Explore 9 common types and learn effective strategies to maintain your cool and set healthy boundaries.

Whether it’s a coworker who always has something to complain about or a friend who never seems to make up their mind, difficult people can really test our patience.

And the worst part? They’re pervasive! It doesn’t matter if you’re at work or your weekly book club—difficult people seem to inevitably crop up everywhere you go in life.

That’s why we wrote this guide—to help you handle those challenging characters that make your hair rise and your blood boil.

We’ll talk briefly about why it’s important to understand and recognize difficult personality types before breaking down 9 classic archetypes of difficult people. Most importantly, we’ll share some tips and tricks for handling difficult people in your life without letting your blood pressure get too out of control.

Why Understanding Difficult Personalities Matters

Let’s make something clear first: difficult people aren’t necessarily bad people.

Often, it’s hard to even pinpoint why they’re difficult; you just know that every time you bump into them, your (metaphorical) antlers collide.

Whatever the case, recognizing and identifying different types of difficult personalities is the first step towards mastering the art of dealing with them.

Not only will this inform optimal strategies for dealing with them—thereby making your life easier—it’ll improve your emotional intelligence and enhance your communication skills at the same time!

Without further ado, let’s jump into our rogues’ gallery of difficult people…

The Psychology Behind Difficult Behavior (What’s Really Going On?)

Here’s the truth: nobody wakes up thinking, “Today, I’m going to be impossibly difficult!” (Well, maybe some do… but they’re rare.) Most difficult behavior stems from deeper issues that have nothing to do with you.

But why does difficult people behavior manifest? Let’s take a look at the science behind 5 common reasons:

1. Fear and Insecurity: That person who constantly one-ups you? They might be terrified of being seen as incompetent. The micromanager breathing down your neck? They could be scared of failure. Fear makes people do weird things, including being insufferable. Research (source) even shows that people with higher levels of insecurity are more likely to engage in self-promotional behaviors and put others down to protect their self-esteem.
2. Stress Overload: When people are drowning in stress—whether from work, home, or health issues—their ability to regulate emotions and behavior takes a nosedive. That explosive person might be dealing with pressures you can’t see. One study (source) found that acute stress significantly impairs self-control and decision-making abilities, leading to more impulsive and difficult behaviors.
3. Past Experiences: Someone who’s been burned before might become passive-aggressive to avoid direct confrontation. A person who’s been overlooked might transform into a drama queen to ensure they’re never ignored again. Research (source) demonstrates that negative workplace experiences create lasting behavioral patterns that affect future interactions, even in entirely new environments.
4. Communication Style Mismatches: Sometimes what seems “difficult” is just a radically different communication style. Direct communicators might seem pushy to those who prefer subtlety, while indirect communicators might come across as passive-aggressive to those who value straightforwardness. One study (source) found that communication style conflicts are one of the primary sources of workplace tension and perceived “difficulty” in colleagues.
5. Unmet Needs: At the core, many difficult behaviors are misguided attempts to meet basic needs—respect, recognition, control, security, or connection. The gossiper might be desperately seeking belonging, while a toxic downer might be crying out for validation of their struggles. This aligns with Self-Determination Theory, which shows that when basic psychological needs aren’t met, people often engage in compensatory behaviors that others perceive as problematic.

Here’s something fascinating: difficult people often have specific triggers that set them off. Maybe it’s feeling excluded from decisions or sensing that their expertise isn’t valued.

When you start recognizing these patterns, you can sometimes prevent the difficult behavior before it even starts!

Why This Matters for You:

Understanding these root causes doesn’t mean you have to become everyone’s therapist or tolerate bad behavior. But it does give you superpowers:

• You take their behavior less personally (because it’s usually not about you)
• You can respond more strategically instead of just reacting
• You might spot opportunities to address the underlying need
• You build your emotional intelligence muscles

Think of it this way: when you understand that some people’s negativity might stem from overwhelming personal stress, you can choose to set boundaries while still maintaining empathy. When you realize the Procrastinator might be paralyzed by perfectionism, you can adjust your approach accordingly. Knowledge is power—and understanding the psychology of difficult behavior is key!

Which Type of Difficult Person Are You Dealing With? (2-Minute Quick Assessment)

Not sure which category your challenging colleague or frustrating friend falls into? No worries—we’ve got you covered! Use this handy flowchart to identify exactly who you’re dealing with. Just answer these questions:

START HERE: What’s their most noticeable behavior?

They’re constantly negative or complaining →

• Do they find problems with literally everything? → The Downer
• Do they turn minor issues into major crises? → The Drama Queen/King

They need to be in control or dominate conversations →

• Do they steamroll over others’ opinions? → The Tank
• Do they hover and check your work constantly? → The Micromanager
• Do they always have a better story or more expertise? → The Know-It-All/One-Upper

They avoid direct communication →

• Do they agree with everything but never share opinions? → The Passive Push-Over
• Do they make subtle digs or backhanded compliments? → The Passive-Aggressive

They create workplace disruption →

• Do they share everyone’s business but their own? → The Gossiper
• Do they consistently miss deadlines and delay projects? → The Procrastinator

Once you’ve identified your difficult person, jump to their section below for targeted strategies!

9 Types of Difficult People (and How to Deal With Them!)

The Downer

You know that friend who can find a cloud in every silver lining? That’s our Downer. They’ve got a PhD in pessimism and could probably complain about winning the lottery. (“But think of all the taxes!”)

Dealing with the Downer: When faced with a Downer, try to redirect their focus to solutions. You might say, “I hear you’re not thrilled about the new project. What’s one small thing we could do to improve it?” Sometimes, all they need is a gentle nudge towards positivity (but remember, we want to avoid going to toxic positivity territory). And if all else fails, keep a stash of cute animal videos handy—it’s hard to be grumpy while watching kittens.

The Know-It-All or One-Upper

This person could give Wikipedia a run for its money. They’ve been everywhere, done everything, and are more than happy to let you know about it. Did you run a 5K? Well, they’ve run a marathon. In the Sahara. Barefoot.

Handling the Human Encyclopedia: When dealing with a Know-It-All or One-Upper, resist the urge to compete. Instead, try channeling their knowledge positively. You could say,

“Wow, you’ve got a lot of experience with this! What’s the most important thing you’ve learned?” This approach validates their expertise while potentially gleaning some useful information. And remember, a little self-deprecating humor can go a long way in diffusing their need to show off.

The Passive Push-Over

This person is so agreeable, you’re not sure they have opinions of their own. They’re like a human chameleon, blending into the background and avoiding conflict at all costs. They’re known to people please to the max.

Empowering the Passive: Encourage the Passive Push-Over to share their thoughts by asking direct, open-ended questions. You might say, “What do you think about this approach, specifically?” Create a safe space for them to express themselves without fear of judgment. There might be a wealth of wisdom hiding behind that agreeable facade!

The Tank

The Tank is like a bulldozer in human form: they’re explosive, bossy, and want their way or the highway. They’ve got one speed—full steam ahead—and heaven help anyone who gets in their way.

Disarming the Tank: When dealing with a Tank, stay calm and stand your ground. Use a low, steady voice and maintain eye contact. You might say, “I understand you feel strongly about this. Let’s take a step back and look at all our options.” Sometimes, acknowledging their perspective can help lower their defenses.

Try to be firm without being confrontational, and remember to prioritize finding a solution over “winning.”

The Drama Queen/King

This person turns every minor incident into a Broadway production. They thrive on attention and have a knack for making mountains out of molehills. Whether it’s a slight change in the office temperature or a minor disagreement with a colleague, everything is a potential crisis in their world.

Dealing with the Drama Royalty: When faced with a Drama Queen/King, try to remain calm and objective. Acknowledge their feelings without feeding into the drama. You might say, “I can see this is important to you.

Let’s break it down and focus on the facts.” Help them gain perspective by asking questions like, “On a scale of 1 to 10, how much will this matter in a week?” Encourage them to channel their passionate energy into productive problem-solving rather than emotional reactions.

Dealing with someone difficult you just can’t shake? This handy resource might help you better:

The Passive-Aggressive

Master of the backhanded compliment and the subtle dig, this person’s favorite phrase is probably “No offense, but…” They’re like a social landmine—you never know when you might step on a hidden grievance.

Navigating Passive-Aggressive Behavior: The key here is to address the passive-aggressive behavior directly, without being confrontational. When they make a snarky comment, try saying, “That comment sounds like it might have some underlying frustration. Is there something you’d like to discuss openly?” This approach encourages them to be more direct with their feelings.

The Procrastinator

Old habits die hard for some people. Despite being years out of college, this person treats deadlines like suggestions and seems to thrive on last-minute panic. They’re the reason your team projects always come down to the wire.

Dealing with Deadline Dodgers: Break big tasks into smaller, manageable steps with individual deadlines. You could say, “Let’s aim to have the first draft done by Wednesday, so we have time for revisions.” Regular check-ins can help keep them on track, and clear, written communication is key. And if all else fails, try setting the deadline a few days earlier than necessary.

The Gossiper

This person always seems to know who’s dating whom and why Sarah from accounting really took that day off last week. They’re like a human grapevine, and no tidbit of information is too small to share.

Taming the Rumor Mill: When they start dishing the dirt, try redirecting the conversation to work-related topics. You could say, “Speaking of Sarah, how’s that project you’re working on with her coming along?” If they persist, be direct: “I’m not comfortable discussing others when they’re not present.”

The Micromanager

This person believes in the “if you want something done right, do it yourself” mantra—except they want to do your job too. They’re hovering over your shoulder so much you’re considering charging them rent.

Reclaiming Your Work Space: Proactive communication is your best friend here. Keep them in the loop with regular updates: “Here’s what I’ve accomplished today, and here’s my plan for tomorrow.” Ask for specific expectations upfront, and suggest a trial period of increased autonomy.

You might say, “How about I handle this project independently for two weeks, and then we can review the results together?” Who knows, they might discover that loosening the reins isn’t so scary after all!

When to Escalate (And When to Involve a Third Party)

Look, we’ve all dealt with challenging personalities, and most of the time, the strategies we’ve outlined above will do the trick. But let’s be real—sometimes, difficult crosses the line into dangerous or destructive territory.

Here’s the thing: you’re not expected to be a superhero. There are times when bringing in reinforcements isn’t just okay—it’s necessary. Let’s talk about when to wave that white flag and call for backup.

Red Flags That Scream “Time to Escalate”

• Harassment or Discrimination: If someone’s behavior involves harassment based on race, gender, age, religion, or any protected characteristic, don’t try to handle it alone. Document everything and head straight to HR.
• Threats or Aggressive Behavior: The moment someone makes threats—whether physical, professional, or emotional—it’s time to involve management or HR immediately. Your safety always comes first!
• Persistent Bullying: If you’ve tried addressing the behavior directly and it continues or escalates, that’s not just “difficult”—that’s bullying. This includes repeated humiliation, sabotage of your work, or targeted campaigns to undermine you.
• Illegal or Unethical Activities: If you witness or are asked to participate in anything illegal or against company policy, document it and report it through proper channels immediately.
• When It’s Affecting Your Health: Having anxiety before work? Developing stress-related health issues? Your well-being matters more than keeping the peace.

How to Document Like a Pro:

Before you escalate, make sure you’ve got your ducks in a row:

• Keep a detailed log with dates, times, locations, and witnesses
• Save all relevant emails, messages, or other communications
• Note specific quotes when possible (avoid paraphrasing)
• Document how the behavior impacts your work or the team’s productivity
• Record any attempts you’ve made to address the issue directly

Who to Involve and When:

• Your Manager: Start here for most workplace conflicts, especially if they involve team dynamics or work performance issues.
• HR Department: Go directly to HR for harassment, discrimination, or if your manager is the problem.
• Employee Assistance Program (EAP): Many companies offer confidential counseling services—use them! They can provide strategies and support.
• Mediator: For conflicts between equals where both parties are willing to find resolution, professional mediation can work wonders.
• Legal Counsel: If the situation involves illegal activities, threats to your career, or potential lawsuits, it might be time to seek legal advice.

Remember, escalating isn’t admitting defeat—it’s being smart about protecting yourself and creating a healthy work environment for everyone.

7 General Tips for Dealing with Difficult People

Of course, not all difficult people fit into tidy little boxes. Sometimes, difficulty transcends categorization.

Here are a few other tactics you can try:

Set Boundaries Like a Boss

Personal boundaries are a force field against difficult people. Being strict with your boundaries can be tough if you’re an agreeable or introverted person, but learning to put yourself first is key to your mental health and productivity.

Here’s how can you can set and maintain your boundaries:

• Identify your limits: What behaviors from others make you uncomfortable or stressed?
  • Example: Sarah, a marketing manager, realizes she feels overwhelmed when colleagues send her work-related messages late at night.
• Communicate clearly: “I’m available for work discussions until 6 PM, but not after.”
  • Example: Sarah informs her team, “To maintain a healthy work-life balance, I’ll be responding to work messages between 9 AM and 6 PM on weekdays. For urgent matters outside these hours, please call my work phone.”
• Enforce consistently: If someone crosses a line, remind them of your boundary.
  • Example: When a colleague sends Sarah a non-urgent email at 10 PM, she waits until the next workday to respond, politely reminding them of her communication policy.
• Practice saying no: “I’m sorry, but that doesn’t work for me” is a complete sentence!
  • Example: When asked to take on an additional project that would require working weekends, Sarah responds, “I appreciate you thinking of me for this opportunity, but I’m not able to take on weekend work at this time.”

Flex Those Emotional Intelligence Muscles

Emotional intelligence (EQ), or the ability to manage your emotions while understanding others’, is your ace up the sleeve for handling difficult people. It’s comprised of three main components:

• Self-awareness: Recognize your emotional reactions. Are you feeling frustrated, angry, or anxious?
  • Example: Next time you’re dealing with a difficult person, pause and do a quick emotional check-in. Ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now, and why?”
• Empathy: Put yourself in their shoes. What might be driving their behavior?
  • Example: If a coworker is constantly interrupting you in meetings, instead of getting irritated, consider that they might be feeling insecure about their contributions. This perspective can help you address the issue more constructively.
• Self-regulation: Control your responses. When triggered, take a deep breath and count to ten.
  • Develop a personal mantra to use in challenging situations, such as “This too shall pass” or “I choose to remain calm.” Repeat it silently to yourself when you feel your emotions starting to escalate.

Pro Tip: Let’s take your emotional intelligence to the next level. Read on: How to Improve Emotional Intelligence in 5 Steps

Use “I” Statements Like a Pro

When dealing with difficult people, how you communicate is just as important as what you communicate. “I” statements allow you to express yourself without putting others on the defensive.

Here’s a handy table of “I” statements:

You might’ve noticed a general formula across these examples: “I feel [emotion] when [situation] because [reason]. I would appreciate [solution].”

Using this, you can apply “I” statements in any context! Here’s one last example: “I feel overwhelmed when I receive urgent requests at the end of the day because it disrupts my workflow. I would appreciate it if we could plan our tasks earlier in the day when possible.”

Master the Art of Strategic Silence

Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is… absolutely nothing.

Strategic silence is like a secret weapon that most people don’t know they have in their arsenal. When dealing with difficult people, silence can be more effective than the perfect comeback.

Here’s why silence works: it creates space for the difficult person to hear themselves. Ever notice how a Know-It-All starts to ramble when met with silence? Or how a Tank’s aggression fizzles out when there’s nothing pushing back against it? That’s the power of the pause.

• The 5-Second Rule: When someone says something provocative or difficult, count to five before responding. Example: Your passive-aggressive colleague says, “Must be nice to leave early AGAIN.” Instead of defending yourself, pause. Count. Then calmly say, “I’m working my scheduled hours. Is there something specific you need?”
• The Reflection Pause: After they finish talking, wait 2-3 seconds before responding. This often prompts them to fill the silence—and reveal more about what’s really bothering them. Example: A Downer complains about the new project. You stay quiet. They continue, “I guess I’m just worried about the timeline.” Now you can address the real issue!
• The Power of “Hmm”: Sometimes a thoughtful “hmm” followed by silence is all you need. It shows you’re listening without agreeing or arguing. Example: The office Gossiper starts dishing dirt. You respond with “Hmm.” Silence. They’ll often change the subject themselves.

Pro Tip: During your strategic silence, maintain neutral eye contact and an open posture. Want more body language tips? Read on: How to Read People and Decode 7 Body Language Cues

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness is the art of being fully present and engaged in the moment without judgment. A 2017 review found that mindfulness practice can reduce emotional reactivity and improve emotion regulation.

This heightened awareness and control can be valuable when dealing with challenging personalities. By staying present and non-judgmental, you’re better equipped to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.

Try this simple mindfulness technique when faced with a difficult person:

1. Pause and take a deep breath.
2. Focus your attention on your breath for 30 seconds.
3. Notice the sensation of air entering and leaving your nostrils.
4. If your mind wanders, gently bring it back to your breath.

Pro Tip: We have many more mindfulness activities you can try besides meditation. Check out our article: 30 Mindfulness Activities To Keep Your Mind Calm (At Any Age) |

Practice Self-Care

Dealing with difficult people can be draining. Prioritize self-care to maintain your resilience and well-being. Here are some self-care activities to try:

Use the “Gray Rock” Technique

Alright, so this one should be your last resort for particularly difficult individuals! The “Gray Rock” method involves making yourself as uninteresting as possible to discourage unwanted interaction. When all else fails, you can:

1. Give short, boring responses
2. Avoid sharing personal information
3. Maintain neutral body language
4. Keep your tone and facial expressions neutral

Shutting yourself down like this isn’t exactly conducive to maintaining cordial relationships at work, but there are going to be times when all other options have been exhausted and you just need to focus. Use this technique sparingly!

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) on Dealing with Difficult People

How can I stay calm when interacting with a difficult person?

Practice deep breathing exercises, count to ten before responding, or use a calming mantra. Remember that their behavior is a reflection of them, not you.

What if the difficult person is my boss?

Focus on managing your own behavior and reactions. Document issues, seek clarity on expectations, and consider discussing concerns with HR if the situation becomes untenable.

How do I handle a difficult team member in a group project?

Address issues privately first. If that doesn’t work, involve the project leader or manager. Focus on how the behavior impacts the project’s goals rather than personal grievances.

Is it ever appropriate to completely cut off contact with a difficult person?

In extreme cases, particularly if the person is abusive or their behavior is harming your mental health, it may be necessary to limit or end contact. However, in professional settings, consult with HR or management before taking such steps.

How can I tell if I’m the difficult person in a situation?

Be open to feedback from others, reflect on your interactions, and honestly assess your behavior. If multiple people express similar concerns about your actions, it may be time for self-reflection and change.

Your Difficult People Survival Kit (Quick Reference Guide)

Alright, you’ve made it through our comprehensive guide! But we know that when you’re face-to-face with a difficult person, you don’t have time to scroll through 3,000 words. That’s why we’ve created this handy survival kit—screenshot it, print it, or bookmark it for those moments when you need help STAT!

Emergency Phrases to Keep in Your Back Pocket:

Your 60-Second Calm-Down Protocol:

When your blood pressure’s rising and you need to cool down NOW:

1. Pause - Stop whatever you’re about to say or do
2. Breathe - Take 3 deep breaths (4 counts in, 6 counts out)
3. Ground - Name 3 things you can see, 2 you can hear, 1 you can feel
4. Remind - Tell yourself: “This is about them, not me”
5. Respond - Choose your strategy and proceed calmly

Quick Strategy Selector:

Your Daily Armor Checklist:

Before heading into difficult person territory:

• ✓ Am I well-rested and fed? (Low blood sugar = low patience)
• ✓ Do I have an exit strategy if things go south?
• ✓ Have I set my boundaries for today?
• ✓ Am I taking this personally? (Spoiler: I shouldn’t!)
• ✓ What’s my #1 goal for this interaction?

When All Else Fails:

Remember these three golden rules:

1. You can’t control them, only yourself
2. Their behavior is their responsibility
3. It’s okay to walk away and try again later

Keep this survival kit handy—because difficult people don’t come with warning labels, but now you’ve got the manual!

Of course, some people in your life may be more than just “difficult”, and instead downright unpleasant. For insights on how to handle these characters, take a look at our article: Here’s How to Expertly Deal with Rude People (& What to Say!)