The Science of Attraction: Why We Love Certain People

Ever locked eyes with someone across a room and felt an instant spark of attraction? According to science, our brains can take as little as 150 milliseconds to...

Ever locked eyes with someone across a room and felt an instant spark of attraction?

According to science, our brains can take as little as 150 milliseconds to make a judgment on whether or not we find someone attractive!

Under the hood, a cocktail of biology, chemistry and psychology lights up our brain as we process things about a person’s features, movements, and even chemical signals.

Science has decoded many secrets behind these powerful reactions, revealing how we identify and connect with potential partners. Let’s dive into it!

What is Attraction?

Attraction is an intricate biological and psychological response that involves multiple body systems working in concert to create that magnetic pull toward certain people.

Our attraction response evolved over millions of years to help us select the best possible mates for both survival and reproduction. This system is so sophisticated that it processes dozens of signals simultaneously—from visual cues to pheromones to behavioral traits—all within a fraction of a second.

Think of attraction like your body’s own matchmaking algorithm—but instead of using computer code, it uses a complex network of:

• Physical preferences
• Hormonal signals
• Neural pathways
• Genetic markers
• Sensory inputs
• Psychological factors
• Environmental influences
• Social cues
• Past experiences
• Cultural influences

Research shows that this complex system was developed to help us quickly identify potential mates who might:

• Have good genes (shown through physical symmetry, smell, and health markers)
• Be capable of providing resources (demonstrated through status signals)
• Show willingness to invest in relationships (revealed through behavioral cues)
• Have compatible values and traits (displayed through social interaction)

What Physical Features Make Someone Attractive?

Though we all have unique preferences when it comes to attraction, science has uncovered some surprising universals. Rooted in evolutionary biology and mathematical precision, certain physical features consistently signal attractiveness across individuals and cultures.

The Golden Ratio (and Other Mathematical Indicators of Physical Beauty)

Beauty might be in the eye of the beholder, but it’s also in the calculator! The golden ratio (approximately 1.618) has been used since the Renaissance to create stunning artworks, and modern science shows it plays a crucial role in facial attractiveness.

In a groundbreaking 2008 study, Dr. Kendra Schmid employed the golden ratio (and other geometric measurements) to create a model for rating facial beauty on a scale of 1-10. The ratings pumped out by this model aligned extraordinarily well with ratings provided by human participants.

Here’s what makes a face “mathematically beautiful”:

1. Length-to-Width Ratio (The Golden Ratio)

   • Ideal face length = 1.6 × face width
   • Creates a pleasing oval shape

2. The Rule of Thirds

   • An ideal face should divide perfectly into three sections:
     1. Hairline to eyebrows
     2. Eyebrows to bottom of nose
     3. Bottom of nose to chin

3. Facial Symmetry and Proportion

   • Ear length should equal nose length
   • Eye width should equal the distance between eyes
   • Nose length should be one-third of face length

According to Dr. Schmid, no individual has ever scored a perfect 10 with this model (although Brad Pitt got a 9.3!). As John Legend famously sang, it’s our “perfect imperfections” that make us beautiful.

But why do these universal proportions for beauty exist?

Well, according to a 2011 paper, these ratios seem to approximate the average face https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2814183/ across all humans.

Building upon that finding, evolutionary psychologists https://link.springer.com/referenceworkentry/10.1007/978-3-031-08956-5_176-1#:~:text=From%20an%20evolutionary%20perspective%2C%20the,advantageous%20genes%20to%20future%20generations. suggest that we’re attracted to the average face because it may provide an indicator of good genetic health and a strong immune system. That is, we’re wired to be attracted to those we think would give us the best chance of successfully carrying on our lineage!

Sexual Dimorphism: Gender-Specific Features of Attraction

While the mathematical principles discussed above cut across sexes, there are some striking sex-specific physical traits that we find attractive.

In evolutionary biology https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-3-662-03908-3_4, the ways in which males and females deviate (on average) physically is known as sexual dimorphism.

Sexually dimorphic traits evolve for a variety of reasons, with the primary one being to attract the opposite sex and aid in reproduction. These traits are also known as secondary sex characteristics and have a strong influence on what we find attractive:

Male Secondary Sex Characteristics:

• Strong jaw line (indicates high testosterone levels)
• Prominent brow ridge (suggests genetic fitness)
• Broader shoulders (signals physical capability)
• Bodily hair (indicates sexual maturity)
• Adam’s apple prominence (shows hormonal development)

Female Secondary Sex Characteristics:

• Larger eyes (triggers nurturing responses)
• Fuller lips (indicates fertility)
• Higher cheekbones (shows developmental stability)
• Smoother skin (signals youth and health)
• Smaller chin (indicates optimal estrogen levels)

Fertility and Attraction

Multiple studies have documented significant changes in appearance, behavior, and partner preferences in women during ovulation.

You might be picking up on a recurring theme here, but the theory behind this is again rooted in evolutionary biology and psychology: during ovulation, women have the highest chance of getting pregnant, so scientists believe subconscious, hormonally-driven shifts take place to nudge them towards this.

Women’s Physical Changes During Ovulation

• Voice pitch increases slightly, reaching a more traditionally feminine tone
• Body scent changes as pheromone production increases
• Walking gait becomes more feminine, with increased hip sway and fluid movement

Women’s Behavioral Changes During Ovulation

• Demonstrate stronger preference for masculine features (e.g., deeper voice, broader shoulders, muscularity) and dominant social status
• Choose more revealing clothing (culturally dependent) and pay more attention to appearance
• Report feeling more confident and socially outgoing

Concurrently, research shows that men not only pick up on these changes, but find women more attractive during peak fertility: a study found that exotic dancers earned significantly more tips during ovulation ($335 per shift) compared to other times of their cycle ($185 per shift during menstruation)!

The Birth Control Revolution

The introduction of hormonal birth control has had surprising effects on attraction patterns, fundamentally altering how some women perceive and choose partners. These changes occur because birth control pills alter the natural hormonal fluctuations that influence attraction.

Here’s a summary of how oral birth control can impact both partner preferences and relationship dynamics:

These findings raise important questions about how modern contraception might influence mate selection, relationship satisfaction, and its impact on society. However, researchers emphasize that awareness of these effects can help couples better understand and navigate potential changes in their relationship dynamics.

How Eye Contact Affects Attraction

The eyes are windows to the soul, or so it’s said. But they’re also windows to attraction and love.

Research https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28250181/ has found that eye contact synchronizes brain activity between two people, creating a unique form of neural coupling. This synchronization appears to be an important mechanism in how we form social bonds and experience attraction via the release of oxytocin.

Physiological Changes During Extended Eye Contact:

• Increased pupil synchronization between partners
• Enhanced brain-to-brain neural coupling
• Elevated oxytocin levels
• Accelerated heart rate

The power of eye contact was perhaps most famously demonstrated in Dr. Arthur Aron’s “36 Questions” study. Pairs of strangers answered increasingly personal questions while maintaining steady eye contact. The results were remarkable—participants reported significant increases in feelings of intimacy and attraction. One pair even eventually married!

Today, “36 Questions” is a popular suggested strategy for new and old couples alike to develop closeness and build their relationship. You can check it out for yourself here!

The Influence of Social Status on Attraction

Social status plays a fundamental role in human attraction. Evolutionary psychologist and human mating expert Dr. David Buss’s landmark 1998 study—which surveyed over 10,000 people across 37 cultures—found that women in particular consistently prefer partners with high:

• Income
• Educational achievement
• Professional position
• Social influence and power

Buss and other scientists (once again) invoke evolutionary psychology to explain this, suggesting that these preferences developed because historically:

• Higher status males had better access to resources
• Status indicated better survival prospects for offspring
• Social position meant better protection and care
• Resource abundance predicted better child outcomes

On the flip side, men may find high status women less attractive, “perhaps because their status violates traditional gender norms,” according to professor and Psychology Today writer Dr. Karen Wu.

What do you find most attractive in a partner?

What Personality Traits Do People Find Attractive?

Let’s not forget about personality!

While we love to pit “looks versus personality” against each other in conversation, research actually shows that the two often go hand-in-hand: we rate people as more physically attractive when we like their personality! So what exactly are the traits we like?

The Big Five and Attraction

In psychological science, the most widely accepted and utilized model of personality is the Big Five (if you’re unfamiliar with it, you can check out our comprehensive guide on it here!)

Despite its popularity, research on the Big Five and attraction has revealed inconsistent results, with some preliminary support for the idea that extraversion may generally be considered attractive and agreeableness may be desirable in a long-term relationship.

The Most Attractive Personality Traits

What about personality more broadly speaking? According to researcher and blogger Dr. Jeremy Dean https://www.spring.org.uk/2022/12/attractive-personality-traits.php#wer, here are some of the most commonly cited attractive personality traits by both sexes:

• Genuine kindness and empathy
• Sense of humor and playfulness
• Intelligence and emotional intelligence
• Compassion and generosity
• Non-conformity

Unfortunately, these warm, fuzzy traits aren’t the only ones we find attractive…

The Irresistible Allure of Dark Triad Personality Traits

While kindness and empathy generally attract partners, research https://www.researchgate.net/publication/273809664_The_Dark_Triad_personality_Attractiveness_to_women#:~:text=The%20Dark%20Triad%20(DT)%20of,and%20behaviors%2C%20chiefly%20in%20men. has also revealed a complex and controversial pattern: some people, particularly during short-term mate selection (read: casual relationships), are drawn to individuals with “Dark Triad” personality traits—narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy.

Why Dark Triad Traits Can Be Attractive:

• Narcissists often appear more confident and charismatic initially
• Machiavellian individuals tend to be skilled at social manipulation
• These personalities frequently display superficial charm
• They often exhibit social dominance and assertiveness

Other studies have found that Dark Triad traits correlate with:

• Higher numbers of sexual partners
• Greater success in short-term relationships
• More effective mate acquisition strategies
• Stronger physical attractiveness self-presentation

However, while Dark Triad traits might increase initial attraction, they typically lead to relationship problems long-term. It’s also important to note that attraction towards Dark Triad personality traits usually occurs subconsciously and without awareness of the problematic nature of said traits!

Personality and Value Alignment

With that out of the way, let’s stray back into the light…

When it comes to non-physical factors that influence attraction, the most important thing to consider probably isn’t any given trait—it’s the amount of overlap in those traits between you and your partner. Indeed, a plethora of research https://link.springer.com/referenceworkentry/10.1007/978-3-319-28099-8_717-2#:~:text=Conclusion,having%20personality%20traits%20in%20common. has found that shared values, attitudes, and personality traits lead to increased romantic attraction and greater relationship satisfaction.

These include:

• Moral frameworks
• Life goals
• Aligned views on major life decisions
• Common perspectives on family and work
• Political views
• Personality traits like attachment style, humor, the Big Five, and more

The Biology of Attraction

When you spot someone attractive, your body launches into a symphony of responses that prepare you for potential connection. Here’s what happens in those first few seconds:

Neuroscience research has found that our brains make incredibly fast judgments about attraction (one study measuring brain waves put it at 150-200 milliseconds!).

These split-second decisions occur primarily in the prefrontal cortex https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6523404/#:~:text=The%20OFC%20responds%20with%20greater,real%20human%20bodies%20%5B23%5D. (PFC) of the brain, an area responsible for higher-order cognitive processes like decision-making and judgment.

A fascinating study https://www.jneurosci.org/content/32/45/15647 narrowed down the specific regions of the PFC even further, finding that:

• The paracingulate cortex activates when we see faces that match universal beauty standards.
• The rostromedial prefrontal cortex lights up when we see someone who might not be conventionally attractive but appeals to our personal preferences.

The subjects in this study then participated in a speed-dating event with the actual people whose images they saw when their brains were being scanned. Activity in those two regions of the PFC turned out to be surprisingly predictive of who people eventually clicked with in real life, showing how our brains are remarkably efficient at spotting potential matches!

Your Brain on Love: The Chemical Cascade

After your prefrontal cortex has zoned in on a target, your brain will trigger a veritable fireworks display of neurochemical activity.

Here’s what’s being released under the hood, both in the stages of immediate attraction and during the development of love:

Dopamine

• Known as the “reward” neurotransmitter
• Creates that “high” feeling when you see your crush
• Activates the same reward pathways as chocolate and winning money
• Can lead to increased focus and attention on the attractive person

Norepinephrine

• Triggers the “fight or flight” response
• Causes those classic attraction symptoms:
  • Racing heart
  • Sweaty palms
  • Butterflies in stomach
• Research indicates it enhances memory formation, which is why you often remember every detail about meeting someone you’re attracted to

Cortisol & Serotonin

• Sometimes referred to as the “stress hormone” and “happiness hormone,” respectively
• During initial attraction, cortisol rises and serotonin is depleted, which can lead to classic symptoms of romantic attraction:
  • Obsessive thoughts and preoccupation with the new love interest
  • Sleeplessness
  • Physiological changes like accelerated breathing, increased energy, and loss of appetite

Oxytocin

• Nicknamed the “cuddle hormone”
• Promotes bonding and attachment, and is released primarily after physical touch
• Increases trust and emotional connection

Your Nose Knows Best: The Importance of Smell in Attraction

Smell plays a huge (and often unconscious) role in attraction and mate selection.

Chemical compounds that give off a scent designed to attract partners are known as sex “pheromones.”

While the evidence for the existence of human sex pheromones isn’t as conclusive as it is in other species, scientists have postulated that the following compounds influence attraction:

Androstadienone (Male Pheromone)

• Studies show it can:
  • Improve women’s mood
  • Increase sexual arousal
  • Maintain elevated cortisol levels for up to 1 hour
  • Affect brain activity patterns in the hypothalamus

Copulins (Female Pheromones)

• Studies show it can:
  • Increase male testosterone levels by up to 150%
  • Boost male self-perception of attractiveness
  • Improve male ratings of female attractiveness
  • Influence male behavior subconsciously

But what about unique scents? After all, everybody smells slightly different, and those smells aren’t universally considered attractive.

One of the most fascinating discoveries in this regard came from a landmark study in 1995 dubbed the “Sweaty T-shirt Study.” In this experiment, researchers had men wear t-shirts for two days straight without using any scented products. Women then smelled these shirts and rated their attraction to each scent.

The remarkable finding? Women consistently preferred the smell of men whose immune system genes (called MHC genes) were different from their own. As it turns out, when you’re attracted to someone’s smell, you might actually be picking up on clues about their immune system genes!

Why does this matter? Because children born to parents with different immune system genes tend to have stronger immune systems themselves. It’s nature’s way of ensuring genetic diversity and healthier offspring!

Want to boost your natural magnetism? Take a look at our free training course on How to Be More Likable without Being Inauthentic.

How Modern Technology Has Changed Attraction

The digital revolution has fundamentally altered how attraction works.

With the advent of dating apps, initial attraction is being boiled down to physical appearance more than ever, though some researchers have argued that we’re also making judgments on moral character. Either way, negative judgments resulting in a left swipe can occur as quickly as 33-100 milliseconds, making traditionally important attraction factors like pheromones, body language, social status and personality obsolete in the early stages of courtship

Beyond just dating apps, social media has transformed how we develop and maintain attraction, with things like follower counts, social proof, and post content influencing judgments of likeability and attractiveness—often before even meeting someone in person.

Common Myths About Attraction

”Opposites Attract”

This pervasive trope has been thoroughly debunked when it comes to romantic attraction and mating. Most recently, a massive study of 24,662 spousal pairs found striking correlations between couples in the following traits:

• Educational level
• Cognitive ability
• Physical attributes
• Personality traits
• Values and beliefs

This phenomenon, called assortative mating, shows we tend to pair up with people similar to ourselves.

”Physical Attraction is Mostly About Looks”

Research demonstrates attraction is multi-sensory. Specifically, it incorporates:

Science-Backed Tips to Be More Attractive

While some aspects of attraction are outside our control, there are still numerous evidence-based ways to enhance your natural attractiveness.

A non-exhaustive list of things you can work on or pursue include:

• Body language (including mirroring others’!)

• Vocal optimization

• Social skills and storytelling ability

• Fashion sense

• Physical fitness

• Interesting hobbies

For a super in-depth guide on increasing your attractiveness, read our article: How to Be More Attractive: 25 Rules to Increase Attraction

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) On the Science of Attraction

Why do I feel instant attraction to some people but not others?

Instant attraction occurs when your brain rapidly processes multiple signals about a person, including their facial features, body language, voice, and scent. This happens unconsciously through specialized neural pathways that evolved to help us quickly identify potential mates. Your brain automatically compares these signals against your past experiences and preferences to determine attraction levels within seconds.

Can attraction grow over time?

Yes, attraction commonly develops over time. Research shows that one-third of romantic relationships start as friendships. Regular interaction, shared experiences, and emotional connection can create and strengthen attraction.

How much does physical attraction matter in a long-term relationship?

Physical attraction matters most during initial relationship formation but becomes less crucial over time. Research shows that long-term relationship satisfaction depends more on emotional connection, shared values, and communication quality. While maintaining some physical attraction contributes to relationship health, it’s not the primary factor in lasting happiness.

What matters more for attraction—looks or personality?

Both looks and personality matter in attraction, but their importance can vary. Looks often spark initial interest, while personality deepens the connection over time. Physical appearance can catch attention, but traits like humor, kindness, and confidence make someone truly memorable. For lasting attraction, personality generally has a stronger impact, creating the foundation for meaningful relationships.

How important are first impressions for attraction?

First impressions are crucial for attraction, as they set the tone for future interactions. In just a few seconds, people often form lasting opinions based on appearance, body language, and demeanor. A positive first impression can create an instant spark, while a negative one might make it harder to build attraction later on.

Is attraction really all about looks?

No, attraction involves multiple factors beyond physical appearance. Research shows visual appearance accounts for only 30% of attraction, with other elements like scent, voice, personality, and shared values playing crucial roles. Factors such as emotional intelligence and humor also significantly influence overall attractiveness.

Can you control who you’re attracted to?

While initial attraction happens automatically, you can influence attraction development through exposure and shared experiences. However, trying to force attraction rarely works. Focus instead on building genuine connections through shared interests and natural interactions. Environmental factors and personal growth can also shift attraction patterns over time.

Enhance Your Relationships with the Science of Attraction

The science of attraction reveals it’s both simpler and more complex than we imagined. Here are some key takeaways:

1. Attraction involves multiple biological systems working in harmony
2. Both conscious and unconscious factors play crucial roles, many of which are shaped by evolutionary biology
3. Both physical and non-physical factors are important for initiating and nurturing attraction
4. Much of attraction is innate and unconscious, but there are a lot of things you can do to make yourself more attractive and deepen existing romantic connections

Ultimately, attraction is still a relatively inexact science. While we can measure certain aspects like facial symmetry and hormone levels, we probably won’t be able to ever quantify “love.” What we can do is make sure we put ourselves in the best position to find that mysterious, beautiful and oftentimes all-consuming force. If you’re looking to put your best self forward and make meaningful connections, check out our guide on How to Be More Charismatic.